First off, please spare me from the 'Please move on' and 'Life goes on' advices. I have heard countless of them and do not need anymore. Thanks. (Details are slightly modified to protect my privacy)
I think almost all people might find me stupid and dumb, but I've been holding a torch for a girl for a very long time (12 years and counting).
It all started from a crush (which story doesn't?) back in secondary school. Back then, I was still the typical boy, immersing myself in arcades, basketball and all the other stuff teenagers did at that time. However, foray into BGR was not my thing. In fact, I shunned away from females as I felt uncomfortable and shy that time.
It was the time where great friends were bounded together, and unexpectedly, this girl (let's call her A) was in the same clique of friends. I felt something going on, but as the dumb kid I was, i never let my feelings known to her.
Days went by, graduated with O levels, went on to poly. Couldn't take my mind off her, and decide to ask her out on a date on V-day. Before this, not much contacts were made, just me alone pondering about her life and me living my own way. I should have known this was a perfect recipe for disaster, and it did. This crushed me totally at that time, but lucky (or was it unlucky) that I had to be enlisted to be a conscript.
During army days, even though the going was tough, but I endured through all, just survived by the fairy-tale thought that if i can survive the trainings, at least it would prove me to be a MAN enough character. All this time, still not much contacts, just the occasional smses during special occasions.
Cut the long story short, uni days were the same story all over again. Heeding advices from close friends to forget her and move on, I believed i did so at that point. So i began a private blog about my daily life at that point (this blog wasn't known by anybody, even my closest friends), with some entries detailing on my feelings and thoughts on her. This blog proves to be a major turning point in the latter part of this post.
Once I went into the working world, my secondary school group decide to gather ever so frequent. It was only then that my contact with her became much more frequent, until a point where I didn't actually know if I had gotten over her or not. She already have a boyfriend at this point.
As dynamic as the weather forecasts, my plans for future changed, and I decided to pursue further studies overseas. Using this excuse, i asked her out for a couple of times to chill out, to re-evaluate my affections for her. As it turns out, I am still hopelessly into her.
Soon the day comes for my departure, seeing her coming to airport to send me off was really heartwarming for me. While in the new environment, I put up some pictures of my house on the blog, and advertised to my friends to see. Expectedly, or unexpectedly, she came to read my past entries, and we revealed all the past emotions we both had at those various points in time.
Stupid me, knowing that she has a relationship going on now, went on to ask her if i stood any chance at all if things were different now (as in both are singles). Her answer lifted my spirits up, but the main thing is that she is in a relation, and she wouldn't risk it for anything. I respect that, and my plan now is just to wait for her, to see if her relation might crack up and I can be given a chance at all. I know it is bad to think of other people's relation this way, but after so long of yearning, i couldn't help it.
Alright, let's see what replies AA board can generates now.
Thank you for the time spent reading.
Wow, your love went by for 10 years+
Wait for her to break up with her boyfriend
Yes. But I do hope that you are still going for overseas studies. The opportunity is great. Very big.
Or are you already studying overseas?
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wat sort of replies u wan? go temple pray n hope urself wun be disappointed down the road... open urself to other gals too ya...
Beautiful951: I am already overseas now, as in I will still continue my plans, just that i feel my heart can't possibly have a place for another girl, and this will be unfair to future girls as well, since i know deep down i won't love them as much as I can
Rednano: That's my plan, if the red bomb comes, I will just give up BGR and concentrate on career
Agenda: 10+ years, a long time, not much people know about this (my friends)
Originally posted by AFC:Beautiful951: I am already overseas now, as in I will still continue my plans, just that i feel my heart can't possibly have a place for another girl, and this will be unfair to future girls as well, since i know deep down i won't love them as much as I can
Rednano: That's my plan, if the red bomb comes, I will just give up BGR and concentrate on career
Agenda: 10+ years, a long time, not much people know about this (my friends)
To study more is an excellent plan.
But if you see a girl you are ok with, try to be friends first. And this about relationships later. But do not give up on one for another. Not at this stage. If your first girl does not want to leave her current boyfriend, I think you should leave your options open. If a time come where you like another girl more(you never know), and she agrees to go stady or something, then you can dcide upon this further
But for now, keep your options open.
AFC things in life are not easily predictable.
BrUtUs: I won't be able to know what replies i can get, but i view this revealing of my small story as a therapy for my soul, and i think AA should be a therapy for all relation problems right?
Beautiful951: I'm not anti-social or anything, I have my fair shares of dates with other girls, but they don't seem to clique or attract me much. I tend to compare them with A, thus eliminating any thoughts of further developments with them. I know this is a major problem, but it can't be helped on my side
Originally posted by AFC:Beautiful951: I am already overseas now, as in I will still continue my plans, just that i feel my heart can't possibly have a place for another girl, and this will be unfair to future girls as well, since i know deep down i won't love them as much as I can
Rednano: That's my plan, if the red bomb comes, I will just give up BGR and concentrate on career
Agenda: 10+ years, a long time, not much people know about this (my friends)
join your university's asian / singaporean union club.
1st love and crush r hard to forget, but thats life.
if she is engaged to another man, and is happy with her life, then u should be happy for her as a friend.
if she has found her happiness, then... wish her all the best.
and do u mind revealing the blog u r talking abt?
Originally posted by AFC:Beautiful951: I'm not anti-social or anything, I have my fair shares of dates with other girls, but they don't seem to clique or attract me much. I tend to compare them with A, thus eliminating any thoughts of further developments with them. I know this is a major problem, but it can't be helped on my side
That is good. That is good. I believe that when the time comes, you will be ready. Just relax. It seems impossible now. But nobody knows what the future. You don't have to try to forget. Or do too much to change yourself. Just be yourself for now.
It seems like a big problem. But it can be solved.
Rednano: I know things can't be forced or rushed. And the relationship status btw her and her beau are unknown to me. I can't hear any news of her beau, it will crush me totally, for a reason I am not sure about. Regarding the blog, I have deleted it to prevent friends from knowing my emotions, any common friends cannot know of this situation, since it would put her in a bad light.
Beautiful951: Yeah i agree, the future is largely unknown, I also hope to be able to move on truthfully away from this episode.
what attracts me is ur nick .
AFC= average frustrated chump ? Lol some ppl will understand .
Well , u know the root of ur prob . U r in agony and dreamy for so many years , i would say since u like her , u can really try going all out for her . Don care whether she has a relationship or not , u have to fight for ur own happiness . U said u admired her for 12yrs , what chances that she is not settling down any moment now ? U have to be realistic , it is either u make a move or be AFC forever , miserable eventually she walks down the red carpet in arms not with U .
So probably after u really tried , i guess whether u succeed or not , at least u have not let urself down .
Saint': You are right for the abbreviation of AFC, guess you have read 'The Game' before.
The situation now is that i have dilemma in going all out for this girl. Everytime i do something, i will meet with a wall of resistance from her. I am not sure if she truely appreciative of my actions or not.
The main reason is that i want her to decide for herself, whether her current beau loves her more or i do. After she gave a comment on that she will try all out to maintain her relation first while she is still in it, makes me totally give up any thoughts of further actions. That's why i am now back into the waiting mode i guess.
I can only say, let nature take its course.
You've had your chance so many times but you didn't know how to grab hold of it.
So when you finally feel your way through, all is too late.
Like what the rest have said, wait.
kiseki: Yup, i think it is the only option for me currently
visit
pkweksg.blogspot.com
for some inspiration
AFC = AVERAGE FRUSTRATED CHUMP?
wizard69: link doesn't work? please check again
maskedangel: You are right, as with most of the male population in singapore, i think i fit into the term AFC very well, having this one-itis for more than 1/2 of my lifetime
Originally posted by AFC:wizard69: link doesn't work? please check again
maskedangel: You are right, as with most of the male population in singapore, i think i fit into the term AFC very well, having this one-itis for more than 1/2 of my lifetime
yeah, i understand.
i tried to have MLTR, and as soon as i thought that my ex is interested in me back, i dump them all , only to find out i got the wrong signal.
Im like u in a way.
Its like, only she can fill the hole in the heart. .
a one-itis moment, like u said. . T.T
maskedangel: yeah, we're all victims of one-itis, whether it is really true love or not, nobody knows. I've picked up the book 'The Game' hoping to change my mindset on the whole BGR issue, as in stop being a one-itis and go on knowing more girls. However, the ending of the book really demoralizes me, since the author got back into an one-itis himself.
On a sidenote, are you a PUA now?
you gonna be criting me
Hanagata: Sorry for my lack of grasp in the language, but what is 'Criting'?
Originally posted by AFC:maskedangel: yeah, we're all victims of one-itis, whether it is really true love or not, nobody knows. I've picked up the book 'The Game' hoping to change my mindset on the whole BGR issue, as in stop being a one-itis and go on knowing more girls. However, the ending of the book really demoralizes me, since the author got back into an one-itis himself.
On a sidenote, are you a PUA now?
no la. . i m not a PUA. .
more like AMOG, thats what my friends say. .
i kinda agree on the ending. but like anyone of us, Syle is human too. .
A PUA is suppose to be an exception. . but no one can run a way from a one-itis.
On ur topic, i would say, keep in touch with her, and pounch once there's an opportunity.
We are the exceptions
so, u mean waiting will make her know that u rike her?