GF lied to me. I am very sad.
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Got this news from my gf and it totally broke me down. I have not been sleeping from yesterday till now thinking and thinking.
Have been together with my gf for around 4 months and she has a bad past and she was really truthful about it. Told me basically everything about her past and why she divorced.
To recap a little bit on her background she was actually in a bad marriage with her ex husband for 2 yrs plus due to her ex husband behaviour, basically ignoring her and neglects her. And then she falls in love with an ex colleague which sweet talks her and show her concerns. She also had sex with that cheater colleague due to her love for him.
But it turned out that the guy is actually a cheat and she broke off with him. She also told me another colleague also went after her and he was the relative of the first cheater colleague because they are working in a family owned business. She dun likes him initially but she tried and eventually that guy shows her that he is very sincere and she also falls in love with him. (she actually wanted to use this guy to divert attention so that she can manage to forget that cheater colleague)
But she told me that her last sexual encounter was with that cheater colleague and she has no intimate relationships with this guy initially when we started this relationship. On and off we did discuss about all these stuff and she says that she did not had and sex with this particular guy.
Yesterday she told me that she does not want to hide from me anymore and she did have sex with the second guy (still let him shoot inside). I think she really got poor thinking that nowadays HIV, STDs are so common.
And she lied to me initially because she do not want me to leave her thinking that she is a loose women. (intimate relationships with 2 guys that are actually relatives) She was thinking of telling me the truth but she knows that she is taking a chance of whether I will accept or leave her. But she knows that I will probably leave her after knowing the truth. She was thinking of when to break out the news to me and was planning to do it after valentine day because she really wanna spend that day with her love one and she do not have a good valentine day for many years liao. She actually says that she is guilty of hiding the truth from me initially fearing of me leaving her. But decided to come clean with it because she loves me and do not wan to hide anything from me.
After her telling me the truth, my heart actually went scattered and I was in a complete loss because I really put in my heart and soul into this relationship. She says that it is ok if I wanna leave her because it was her fault and she still loves me (she loves me and dun mind me leaving because she wants me to be happy). She also told me that her feelings for me is completely real and she did love me with all her heart. She did asked me whether I mind her complicated past but I could not answer because it was too sudden for me. A person that I love so much actually lied to me for 4 months, Although she is very truthful on all her past things except this. Now my heart is feeling very sour and I dun know wat to do, if I leave her I will be very very sad and if I stay. The shadow is always there.
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diam la.
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why the hell you posting everywhere?
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i posted wrongly. already asked the moderator to move the thread. this is a real problem I am facing. not spam. so sorry
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My reply from your previous thread:
Wrong forum, amigo.
But hear this anyway, If I were you I'd be glad and very touched instead. The point is that somebody åœ¨ä¹Žä½ so much, she came clean with her past completely. You must understand how much courage for one to make such a confession, and the fact that she did, already proved how much this whole relationship matters to her.
Everyone got a past, and everyone makes mistakes at one point or another. You got a girl whom places so much in you, don't let her past be the burden of a new relationship.
'Let Him Who Is Without Sin Cast the First Stone'
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And well, people. Please be more civil and tolerant.
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It definitely takes lots of courage, love and trust to come clean.
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Thanks bros who replied.. I am feeling better liao. issit true that alot of gals dun even bother to tell u their past?
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Originally posted by Jerry1:
Thanks bros who replied.. I am feeling better liao. issit true that alot of gals dun even bother to tell u their past?
Nah, don't even bother with that question please.Just be very grateful you got one in your arms whom's devoted to the relationship - in a word of fairness for your lady, I'd say she was just unfortunate to meet those few assholes in the past.
And if you find it in your heart to let go of the past and start cherishing the present instead, I'm certain that your relationship will be a fruitful one.
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Originally posted from Parn:
Ask yourself,
Can you find another woman who can bring you so much pain and misery ever again?
If not, then I think deep down inside you really loved this woman.
Love doesn't ideally need to be lovey and dovey.....a relationship with too much lovey and dovey will makes the couple forget their love for each other...and they will feel that they are taking each other for granted. It's that kind of feeling if your love relationship is full of lovey, dovey happiness all the time. After a while, you realised you don't even know what love is about anymore.
Once in a while, you will need to feel some deep pain and misery over your own love relationship. This is necessary to remind you and her that both of you are still very much in love with each other, and that's why both of you can STILL bring hurt to each other...sometimes deeply without notice.
I will agree with you that you don't love this woman if you tell me you don't feel sad or upset or pain after hearing about her past. Then you don't really need to love her if you are feeling nothing.
Accept this sadness and pain as the convenant between the both of you. And love, treasure. cherish each other even more than before.
This is your love story.
Quoted and moved to this thread for consolidation purposes.
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thanks bro..your reply means alot of me..i deeply appreciate it.
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Originally posted by Jerry1:
thanks bro..your reply means alot of me..i deeply appreciate it.
Don't thank anyone yet - go take a day off, sit on it and think it through.When you've finally straightened out thoughts and realize how 'good love is hard to come by', then give her a call. Next time tie the knot, remember to propose a toast to those in SgF whom helped
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=juLuWsxlhTs <-- good stuff, enjoy and good luck.
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I think what she is really trying to say is
"It's not you, it's me".. except.. she really means... " It's you, so lets break up".
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Originally posted by jojobeach:
I think what she is really trying to say is
"It's not you, it's me".. except.. she really means... " It's you, so lets break up".
Based on experience, I'd disagree this time.TS, would you furnish the details of her reactions/emotional state after she made the confession? And how exactly did you guys respond to each other?
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bro..after your reply. I thinks that it really takes alot of courage for her to confess everything about her past. I think most gals do not dare to take the risk.
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Bro Detached, She actually told me that on the phone and then I got angry and started asking why did she lied to me? I asked her anything else she did not tell me, and she told me no.
She told me that she lied to me on that because she fears that i will think of her as a easy women (2 relatives involved). and will therefore leave her.
she decided to come clean because she told me that she loves me and do not wanna drag until 1-2 years then say. And she is also prepared in case i will leave her.
she cried after i told her that i may leave her.
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sex n love is diff...
love n affection is diff....sympathy n concern is diff...
vitamin n poison is diff....
woman n man sexual need is diff..... -
Originally posted by Jerry1:
Bro Detached, She actually told me that on the phone and then I got angry and started asking why did she lied to me? I asked her anything else she did not tell me, and she told me no.
She told me that she lied to me on that because she fears that i will think of her as a easy women (2 relatives involved). and will therefore leave her.
she decided to come clean because she told me that she loves me and do not wanna drag until 1-2 years then say. And she is also prepared in case i will leave her.
she cried after i told her that i may leave her.
Well, pal. Give her a buzz soon, don't let her wait too long. I mean come on... That's a girl who poured her heart out to a man, exposed herself on her own freewill to such vulnerability and then cried her eyes out...
In any case, sometimes we just gotta take the chance. Often enough, the bigger regrets come not from the things we've done, but the things which we've failed to do.
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hi bro..i've already sms her liao..everytime seems ok liao..
but i do admit that she is pretty naive one. people says she believes.
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Originally posted by Jerry1:
hi bro..i've already sms her liao..everytime seems ok liao..
but i do admit that she is pretty naive one. people says she believes.
Tell you hor, some people really gullible one..But also good.. Those naive/innocent type.. I'd affectionately term them as "guai guai lei" (if you're cantonese, you'd probably understand what's GGL - and no offense to any ladies, that is in fact, a compliment)
Be thankful you got yourself a partial GGL (I neither know your at a personal level nor had spoken with her before, so can't fully accredit her as GGL)
Anyway, I'm glad everything's okay for you.
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but bro..my male frens told me that is considered adultery liao and somemore with 2 different fellows.
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Yeh jerry, i can understand how u feel. It's not her past that you mind, it's her lie(s).
I mean ur probably thinking:
- does this mean she has other lies?
- will she lie again in future?
and then ur heart races like schumacher in a ferrari, u become unsure of her, u start to trepidate just thinking of all those times you guys have had conversations, can those things be trusted? etc etc.
It seems to me she really really loves you. You seem like a pillar of strength to her, that's why she has decided to come clean with you as she doesnt want to live with the guilt of lying to her loved one.
So what now? Ask her any more lies and prepare for more heartbreaks or just move on as if nothing has happened?
It all depends on urself. Some people function based on trust. If they see the trust from someone they love, they will reciprocate. Some people don't like the hard way and if u pry more into their secrets, the more they lie.
It all depends on what type of personality ur gf is. If she lies to you anymore in future, you may want to reconsider. There are many girls out there, a happy time with her in the past doesnt mean you need to carry her shit baggage with her. Just move on if you think you should.
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Hi Bro Rock, Problem is my gf completely comes clean in everything except this. because she says she dun wan me to think that she just sleeps with any men on the road.
and then she told me that those 2 cases are mistakes and she regretted it.
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hi jerry, if she's lied once, do u think there could be a pattern below?
If not, good for u. I'm not u and i'm not in the situation, so i cant be dead sure.
Have u looked back at other times in ur conversations where there could be possible lies?
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Originally posted by Jerry1:
but bro..my male frens told me that is considered adultery liao and somemore with 2 different fellows.
First, you must understand 3 things:1) Adultery == Extramaritial sex
2) She wasn't seeing the 2 other guys at the same time, so there's no unfaithfulness
3) Your friends are probably protective of you -
Make that 4 things:
4) The combined IQ and EQ of your friends are probably lower than mine
jkjk---------------------------------------------------------------------------
At Rock_Star:
1 occurrence doesn't establish a pattern.
Based on your reasoning, if you lied once, you ought to be immediately discredited. So what you expounded is probably bogus?
Aw, come on.