I;m in a dilema....that comes with a few problems
-
Recently I've manage to contact a long lost friend (bout 5 yrs) since we met.
Initially I sms her and then started calling. It's been awhile since I had a
wonderful chat (about hr plus) as I don't really like to chat long on the phone.
So during the conversation I asked her how is she now and say how much I wanted to see her.
And so opportunity came and we meetup. I went to pick up her up after her work and I'm really
happy to see her. We went for a dinner on my bike and she placed her hands on my hips. To me,
I guess if it's normal friend, one would probably place on the rider's shoulder even if she's
not a regular pillion, so why would she do that
Anyway, we had a nice chat at a small resturant and sometimes she would give me those droopy
eyes expression which I really adore. I sent her home thereafter. When I got home...I sms her
telling that how happy I am to see her and she replied she is happy too.
The next day she sms me what I'm doing and have I eaten....in my mind I was thinking....what
prompt her to message me....is it something positive.... And so I gave her a call at
night and we chatted for quite awhile
Came day five since our first contact...I asked her if she wanted to come out for a supper.
She replied ok. Around night time..she asked if it's ok to see a show as it's been awhile
since she saw one. I said ok and I went to pick up again. In the cinema..occasionally we
sat quite close to each other sometimes shoulder touching...and I steal glances at her
sometimes too
, but not sure whether she noticed that.
During the journey....I patted her on both her hands to signal to her whether she felt
cold or not... I did twice...but I'm wearing my gloves....is this ok I mean in her
mind will something spark her mind from me? When reached her block I opt to accompany her
to her level after some pursuassion as it is way past midnight. She said ok
Ok...now here comes a problem.
1) She has a BF (a few months)
2) I have a GF (a few years)
3) She says she keeps her option open
4) I've teased her that what if I chase after U. she said I won't as I'm
good.
5) Occasionally I can feel that I regretted not grabbing my chance 5
yrs ago when I thought of her. Now...that feeling is greater..........
What should I do... -
double post
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Originally posted by =-Noelle-=:my opinion is that it wouldn't be fair to your girlfriend of a few years if you chase this girl..when i was reading your post, at the beginning, it feels like a love story then when i finish reading
plus she has a boyfriend too..do you have feelings for this girl? anyway my thinking is that, we shouldn't built our happiness on others'.. -
It's a feeling that has been brought back. In my mind recently that...I have missed my chance way back then and I'm regretted. Also she didn't show any negative signs of me approaching her despite no contact after so long.....these 2 times I went out with her..the feeling is of those experienced in courtship...n too i believe she may somehow or rather felt it too.....it's those times that when she message me stuffs that I felt .. u know those type of feeling of chasing after someone..
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what about your feelings for your girlfriend?Originally posted by sonic_seed:It's a feeling that has been brought back. In my mind recently that...I have missed my chance way back then and I'm regretted. Also she didn't show any negative signs of me approaching her despite no contact after so long.....these 2 times I went out with her..the feeling is of those experienced in courtship...n too i believe she may somehow or rather felt it too.....it's those times that when she message me stuffs that I felt .. u know those type of feeling of chasing after someone..
the relationship going on well or? -
My relationship with my girl...occasionally would cold war cox she keeps on keep tab on me...like I go to jb for a spin even though I go after meeting her n sending her home...she would give me those really black face n ignore me...I know she cares but can't I have some space...sometimes I fell very cramp up...it's worse last time......
in fact we nearly broke up bout a yr ago... -
then the overall?Originally posted by sonic_seed:My relationship with my girl...occasionally would cold war cox she keeps on keep tab on me...like I go to jb for a spin even though I go after meeting her n sending her home...she would give me those really black face n ignore me...I know she cares but can't I have some space...sometimes I fell very cramp up...it's worse last time......
in fact we nearly broke up bout a yr ago...
you never answer my questions
what about your feelings for her? -
When you decide to contact her, it already signal your unconscious desire to have a little break through from your current attached situation. Probably you may feel that after you got attached, old friends are forgotten - but since you mentioned that you regret upon the fact that you could have a chance back then - you are eating 'old grass'.Originally posted by sonic_seed:Recently I've manage to contact a long lost friend (bout 5 yrs) since we met.
Initially I sms her and then started calling. It's been awhile since I had a
wonderful chat (about hr plus) as I don't really like to chat long on the phone.
So during the conversation I asked her how is she now and say how much I wanted to see her.
And so opportunity came and we meetup. I went to pick up her up after her work and I'm really
happy to see her. We went for a dinner on my bike and she placed her hands on my hips. To me,
I guess if it's normal friend, one would probably place on the rider's shoulder even if she's
not a regular pillion, so why would she do that
Anyway, we had a nice chat at a small resturant and sometimes she would give me those droopy
eyes expression which I really adore. I sent her home thereafter. When I got home...I sms her
telling that how happy I am to see her and she replied she is happy too.
The next day she sms me what I'm doing and have I eaten....in my mind I was thinking....what
prompt her to message me....is it something positive.... And so I gave her a call at
night and we chatted for quite awhile
Came day five since our first contact...I asked her if she wanted to come out for a supper.
She replied ok. Around night time..she asked if it's ok to see a show as it's been awhile
since she saw one. I said ok and I went to pick up again. In the cinema..occasionally we
sat quite close to each other sometimes shoulder touching...and I steal glances at her
sometimes too , but not sure whether she noticed that.
During the journey....I patted her on both her hands to signal to her whether she felt
cold or not... I did twice...but I'm wearing my gloves....is this ok I mean in her
mind will something spark her mind from me? When reached her block I opt to accompany her
to her level after some pursuassion as it is way past midnight. She said ok
Ok...now here comes a problem.
1) She has a BF (a few months)
2) I have a GF (a few years)
3) She says she keeps her option open
4) I've teased her that what if I chase after U. she said I won't as I'm
good.
5) Occasionally I can feel that I regretted not grabbing my chance 5
yrs ago when I thought of her. Now...that feeling is greater..........
What should I do...
The dates, the conversation and all the seemingly beautiful events that took place are all illusions of 'love' - what not yours is always charming and alluring - especially when regrets are concerned.
But then, when you mentioned about 'what if I chase after you...' - you are putting your own relationship at great risk. It may mean nothing, but how sure are you? Let me tell you, everything said or done has a reason behind. When it comes to matters of love: you cannot deny your heart's feel, therefore your actions is difficult to escape the eyes of a third party - Your post suggested risk factor towards your coming love fate. How are you going to lead this fate?
Your latter post suggested some dislike about your current gf - my feel is that, there is nothing major or critical about it. Search your feelings for her and not looking for her flaws - probably you will realise your real answer. You have been together for years - flaws would have become acceptance - this is not the real excuse. You are seeking new direction and breaking through your own routine attached life. This girl served a prefect catalysis to help you achieve it and how sure are you that this illusion will last?
Liking someone and suitability is two different thing. If you are asking me if you should chase someone who has a bf - I would tell you all is fair in love and war - however, you are accountable for your gf as well. Make sure before one new chapter opens, the other must close.
P.S: Never make reckless decision that could ruin yourself. Everyone has transitory love and yours could be one. Use time and self reflection to understand the theory behind.
Cheers -
It's the desire to possess and have you want which you didn't the last time.
It's not love. It's excitement... Don't fall into it.
I'll stop here...to be continued. -
Honey Moon would always be over... Probably nobody would gets to live in honey and see a full moon forever...?Originally posted by sonic_seed:It's a feeling that has been brought back. In my mind recently that...I have missed my chance way back then and I'm regretted. Also she didn't show any negative signs of me approaching her despite no contact after so long.....these 2 times I went out with her..the feeling is of those experienced in courtship...n too i believe she may somehow or rather felt it too.....it's those times that when she message me stuffs that I felt .. u know those type of feeling of chasing after someone.. -
hi,
so 5 years ago , you already fallen in love with her isit? And you cant forget her? What make you make the First move to sms her?If you have a GF for years , you should not do this. Maybe as a frenz is good but now i think you had fallen for her rite?
I think your current relationship should be stable, so you want to give up to seek for better relationship?
Think Twice
Muhahah~ -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
Hi I'm glad to hear alot of views as well as from urs. Your views are great and really make a good guidance for me. U see, I always believe it takes two hands to clap. When I asked her out, it was a positive reply. Ok, even if it's for sake of meetup after so long didn't contact....I guess one would usually not meetup for the second time. When we chat with each other, I would have the feeling of gf n bf, cox sometimes when we talk, the distance quite close. It's not that I'm seeking a new direction but...why i would get that feel?
When you decide to contact her, it already signal your unconscious desire to have a little break through from your current attached situation. Probably you may feel that after you got attached, old friends are forgotten - but since you mentioned that you regret upon the fact that you could have a chance back then - you are eating 'old grass'. The dates, the conversation and all the seemingly beautiful events that took place are all illusions of 'love' - [b]what not yours is always charming and alluring - especially when regrets are concerned.
But then, when you mentioned about 'what if I chase after you...' - you are putting your own relationship at great risk. It may mean nothing, but how sure are you? Let me tell you, everything said or done has a reason behind. When it comes to matters of love: you cannot deny your heart's feel, therefore your actions is difficult to escape the eyes of a third party - Your post suggested risk factor towards your coming love fate. How are you going to lead this fate?
Your latter post suggested some dislike about your current gf - my feel is that, there is nothing major or critical about it. Search your feelings for her and not looking for her flaws - probably you will realise your real answer. You have been together for years - flaws would have become acceptance - this is not the real excuse. You are seeking new direction and breaking through your own routine attached life. This girl served a prefect catalysis to help you achieve it and how sure are you that this illusion will last?
Liking someone and suitability is two different thing. If you are asking me if you should chase someone who has a bf - I would tell you all is fair in love and war - however, you are accountable for your gf as well. Make sure before one new chapter opens, the other must close.
P.S: Never make reckless decision that could ruin yourself. Everyone has transitory love and yours could be one. Use time and self reflection to understand the theory behind.
Cheers [/b]
Whether is it worth, I'm not sure cox no one will know...but I do know that if I proceed at least I try.
Ok..if the suituations becomes like this.....
1) I'm single but she's attached
2) We're both single
3) We're both single but she and I have that bit of interest towards
each other
4) I made it known to her even though she's attached but no sure
whether she have that interest in me too
what will become of it? -
think abt yr current gf, is it fair to her? what harm would u inflict on her?
-
Lust is always being confused for love....
-
you have to ask yourself in your heart whether is it right to do so.......
sometimes, desire can sometimes motivate us to the correct thinkings . Somethings it can drives us to do the unthinkable and wrong stuff.
you judge for yourself -
i shall be frank here.. it seems that you are finding support and excuses to end you current relationship and to come in between another couple who does not have any relationship problem..
if you disagree.. then be kind to your gf, and start to love her with all your heart.. let go of any feelings you might have for this friend.. -
if think do happened bet u and her... you will be hurting TWO other ppl as well.... think about it.
There's always this saying "xiang jian hen wan..." this is your case... too bad. You miss it, it a cruel joke from the top.
hui yi guo qu, zhen xi xian zai... zhan wang jiang lai -
Hmm... A dreamer...?Originally posted by sonic_seed:Ok..if the suituations becomes like this.....
1) I'm single but she's attached
2) We're both single
3) We're both single but she and I have that bit of interest towards
each other
4) I made it known to her even though she's attached but no sure
whether she have that interest in me too
what will become of it? -
just my 5cents worth....
i hope ur "excitement" with this old flame of urs will be overcomed by ur responsibility towards ur current gf eventually.As the saying goes, "The grass is always greener on the other side". But did u look carefully enough at the patch of grass u have been stepping on for the past few years,sticking through rain and shine with you?
Sometimes...humans are like that.they always want to get something which is impossible or detrimental to oneself just for the sake of getting it.The important question u should ask urself is...Is it worth it? Only u urself can answer that.
To be truthful,i also thought of how sweet and nice it would feel if i could contact this particular girl i liked a few years back.everyone does...so we do not blame u.The temptation is even greater if the other party gives some positive signals...however,i told myself to resist tempting myself by not contacting her.thats the only thing i can do to protect myself and my gf.
Since u are already attached and she already has a bf.I would advise u to remain as friends for the time being.It would not be too late to make any decision later on rite? do not be selfish,u are going to make a decision that is not only going to affect 3 person, but 4.hope u will find true happiness.my parting words to u is......
Is it worth it? -
Thanx alot to guys....read bout the advice and thought for awhile...it seems the best thing to do for me is juz carry on my life with my girl and that this friend of mine would juz be another 'friend' that will cherish n be mine in memories.
All this event happen in juz one week...even my buddies told me he can't believe I manage to do all these in a week (get her number talk to her and date her out).
However...wat is going to happen if I were juz to let her know that I've missed her and I actually like her way back then..... -
remember why u love ur gf
it helps -
Yes I do love my gf...after so many things me n her have gone tru.
But the fact is.....I still wish to know wat the things going to happen if I were to express my feelings...not say I love her la but tell her that I did have interest in her last time, how I feel so happy seeing her again after so many years and why i decided to contact her again. and that if I were to tell her....how would she feel? What are your views? -
Allow me to comment your first paragraph - you think far too much. Remember all these are your impression and preception. What makes you so sure it is something significiant for her as well? Distance closed up and your heart tremble with overflowing emotions - same for her as well? Maybe not 100% applicable. She definitely feel comfortable with you, but that does not equate to love.Originally posted by sonic_seed:Hi I'm glad to hear alot of views as well as from urs. Your views are great and really make a good guidance for me. U see, I always believe it takes two hands to clap. When I asked her out, it was a positive reply. Ok, even if it's for sake of meetup after so long didn't contact....I guess one would usually not meetup for the second time. When we chat with each other, I would have the feeling of gf n bf, cox sometimes when we talk, the distance quite close. It's not that I'm seeking a new direction but...why i would get that feel?
Whether is it worth, I'm not sure cox no one will know...but I do know that if I proceed at least I try.
Ok..if the suituations becomes like this.....
1) I'm single but she's attached
2) We're both single
3) We're both single but she and I have that bit of interest towards
each other
4) I made it known to her even though she's attached but no sure
whether she have that interest in me too
what will become of it? Meeting up after long recesses of non-existence contact doesn't mean anything as well.
Your situation 1 to 4 are redundant. Notice that from case 1 to 4 - you mentioned nothing about you being attached - your subconscious avoid the fact that you have a gf (in reality) and must be accountability to her. I said before in my prior post - all is fair in love and war, but before one new chapter open, the other must close. However if you are single, she got or no bf, got or no interest, whatsoever doesn't matter.
P.S: Living on temporary illusion to decide upon important decision is dangerous and unwise - If choice made badly, You are likely to regret or at least cross a couple of karmic hurdle before you can walk on smooth love road again.
Cheers -
Originally posted by sonic_seed:Recently I've manage to contact a long lost friend (bout 5 yrs) since we met.
Initially I sms her and then started calling. It's been awhile since I had a
wonderful chat (about hr plus) as I don't really like to chat long on the phone.
So during the conversation I asked her how is she now and say how much I wanted to see her.
And so opportunity came and we meetup. I went to pick up her up after her work and I'm really
happy to see her. We went for a dinner on my bike and she placed her hands on my hips. To me,
I guess if it's normal friend, one would probably place on the rider's shoulder even if she's
not a regular pillion, so why would she do that
Anyway, we had a nice chat at a small resturant and sometimes she would give me those droopy
eyes expression which I really adore. I sent her home thereafter. When I got home...I sms her
telling that how happy I am to see her and she replied she is happy too.
The next day she sms me what I'm doing and have I eaten....in my mind I was thinking....what
prompt her to message me....is it something positive.... And so I gave her a call at
night and we chatted for quite awhile
Came day five since our first contact...I asked her if she wanted to come out for a supper.
She replied ok. Around night time..she asked if it's ok to see a show as it's been awhile
since she saw one. I said ok and I went to pick up again. In the cinema..occasionally we
sat quite close to each other sometimes shoulder touching...and I steal glances at her
sometimes too , but not sure whether she noticed that.
During the journey....I patted her on both her hands to signal to her whether she felt
cold or not... I did twice...but I'm wearing my gloves....is this ok I mean in her
mind will something spark her mind from me? When reached her block I opt to accompany her
to her level after some pursuassion as it is way past midnight. She said ok
Ok...now here comes a problem.
1) She has a BF (a few months)
2) I have a GF (a few years)
3) She says she keeps her option open
4) I've teased her that what if I chase after U. she said I won't as I'm
good.
5) Occasionally I can feel that I regretted not grabbing my chance 5
yrs ago when I thought of her. Now...that feeling is greater..........
What should I do...
who do you love more? your current girlfriend or her? and who does she love more? her current boyfriend or you? -
somethings are better left unknown.. just leave it.. no purpose in knowing..Originally posted by sonic_seed:Thanx alot to guys....read bout the advice and thought for awhile...it seems the best thing to do for me is juz carry on my life with my girl and that this friend of mine would juz be another 'friend' that will cherish n be mine in memories.
All this event happen in juz one week...even my buddies told me he can't believe I manage to do all these in a week (get her number talk to her and date her out).
However...wat is going to happen if I were juz to let her know that I've missed her and I actually like her way back then.....