my dad
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as i was leaving sch, he called me and asked me what color of bag i would want as he was going to buy 1 for me because after work and he has the time. then i just say black.after i ended the call, i sort of regretted that because i dun wan ppl to decide and buy things for me when it comes to things where u cant define which is better and it's a matter of taste/preference. then most of the time i dont like the brands and design of the things he buys for me and i sometimes i have very different tastes from my family. i knew ie VERY well. like he buys those brands that i simply dont like, some dunno what brands. for somethings i dun care....but alot of times i do. that's why i rather ask for the money then i go buy my own bag and not subject to what they like.
but i didnt call him because i dun want to give him that kind of disappointment or whatever u call it.
true enough, he bought a brand i didnt like. some funny name....i mean i know we arent rich...he aint rich too. so it's nice he buys something for me, but i rather u give me the money to buy. hello....i am 18 liaoz. cant i decide what i want? there are ppl who are 13,14 and they think for what they want. till now alot of things they still want to control.
i mean i feel that alot of things i cannot do/plan because of them keep arranging things for me. i feel that i learn more things outside than i learn from them. they at the most give me the influence.
so now i dunno whether to keep the bag or not. on 1 hand i dont want to like give the impression that i am looking down on him or something but on the other hand i dont like the bag ?
i am already under pressure to perform at sch. i dont want to go home to get pressure. honestly, when i take photographs, i dont feel stressful although there are many times i am disappointed with the shots i take. i feel more stressed at home than at sch....
god help me/ -
bismarck same age as me...Originally posted by bismarck:as i was leaving sch, he called me and asked me what color of bag i would want as he was going to buy 1 for me because after work and he has the time. then i just say black.after i ended the call, i sort of regretted that because i dun wan ppl to decide and buy things for me when it comes to things where u cant define which is better and it's a matter of taste/preference. then most of the time i dont like the brands and design of the things he buys for me and i sometimes i have very different tastes from my family. i knew ie VERY well. like he buys those brands that i simply dont like, some dunno what brands. for somethings i dun care....but alot of times i do. that's why i rather ask for the money then i go buy my own bag and not subject to what they like.
but i didnt call him because i dun want to give him that kind of disappointment or whatever u call it.
true enough, he bought a brand i didnt like. some funny name....i mean i know we arent rich...he aint rich too. so it's nice he buys something for me, but i rather u give me the money to buy. hello....i am 18 liaoz. cant i decide what i want? there are ppl who are 13,14 and they think for what they want. till now alot of things they still want to control.
i mean i feel that alot of things i cannot do/plan because of them keep arranging things for me. i feel that i learn more things outside than i learn from them. they at the most give me the influence.
so now i dunno whether to keep the bag or not. on 1 hand i dont want to like give the impression that i am looking down on him or something but on the other hand i dont like the bag ?
i am already under pressure to perform at sch. i dont want to go home to get pressure. honestly, when i take photographs, i dont feel stressful although there are many times i am disappointed with the shots i take. i feel more stressed at home than at sch....
god help me/
If I were you, I'd keep the bag and use it occasionally. It's your dad's show of love... won't kill to just use it for a few times. Maybe you pick those times when hardly anyone will see you with the bag lah, like when you all go for some family outing at the beach, then you don't have to carry the bag all the time, and so you won't feel so.. bad.
I think you should speak to them about your wanting to make choices for yourself. Talk to them nicely and try and make them understand that you're old enough to make your own decisions
Hope it helps
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dude, your dad's being sweet.. however, if you do not like, just use it occasionally to keep him happy
think about it that way
it's hard for folks to recognise that their "little boy" has grown up..
but along the way, help them realise it? it's important for both you and them.. i know what i'm talking about.. too many battles fought because my folks could not fathom that even their own children can grow up... -
Yours isn't a that hard problem to solve, is it? I'm not sure about the real situation, but it seems like some discussion would help Life at home doesn't need to be pressurizing... It all depends on how you look at it. It's nice that there's an activity you like doing and can help you to destress!
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be appreciative loh
maybe thru yr point of view..u may think that u rather have the $$ and buy yrself..sometimes i also rather my dad buy for me nstead of just giving me money..which he believe that it is part of showing his concern..coz he is a workaholic
u must noe that yr parents are not like us..they mite not noe wad is the latest trend or what is yr likes and wants...it's the thought that matters -
same age....orh.Originally posted by MooKu:bismarck same age as me...
If I were you, I'd keep the bag and use it occasionally. It's your dad's show of love... won't kill to just use it for a few times. Maybe you pick those times when hardly anyone will see you with the bag lah, like when you all go for some family outing at the beach, then you don't have to carry the bag all the time, and so you won't feel so.. bad.
I think you should speak to them about your wanting to make choices for yourself. Talk to them nicely and try and make them understand that you're old enough to make your own decisions
Hope it helps
where u studying ? if u dun want to ans then nvm... -
dunno lah....Originally posted by the Bear:dude, your dad's being sweet.. however, if you do not like, just use it occasionally to keep him happy
think about it that way
it's hard for folks to recognise that their "little boy" has grown up..
but along the way, help them realise it? it's important for both you and them.. i know what i'm talking about.. too many battles fought because my folks could not fathom that even their own children can grow up...
i mean this is not the first time this thing has happened. then aiyah....dunno lah. i go eat dinner liaoz. -
i dont like to be controlled which is why i dont like ppl making decisions for me unless i want them to. true lah, the last paragraph...i mean since it;s true, why cant they let me choose? it's not like it's gonna harm me...ok lah...it's whether will the bag be a waste of money. but to me, i am happily using it. end case. money at least well-spent.Originally posted by BufPuf:be appreciative loh
maybe thru yr point of view..u may think that u rather have the $$ and buy yrself..sometimes i also rather my dad buy for me nstead of just giving me money..which he believe that it is part of showing his concern..coz he is a workaholic
u must noe that yr parents are not like us..they mite not noe wad is the latest trend or what is yr likes and wants...it's the thought that matters
but what if u buy a value-for-money thing for me but i dont like it and use it occasionally if not rarely. then wouldnt it be a greater waste ?
i dont want to hurt his feelings or something by saying i dont want this bag bought with his money, i know very well the financial situation i am in, which is why they didnt finance my photography hobby. -
Originally posted by the Bear:
this is very true...
[b]
it's hard for folks to recognise that their "little boy" has grown up..
[b]
all parents will treat their children like kids..even though they are in their 20s or 30s.. or maybe even older -
For the bag incident.
I think you really have something in your mouth, gold coins or what.
Just don't want to open our mouth, Just SAY it!
Instead of thinking of what your dad will think and fear of disappointing him why not think about yourself? How would he feel when he don't see you carrying the bag he bought for you?
Would it be altogether a better solution if you would have in the first place let him know that you can get the money and buy it on your own? or you can join him and get the bag you like while he pay for it.
I really think it's a win win situation.
You just didn't want to because you didn't want to compromise your ideals about why others can do this and that, why are you still stuck in a family which treats you like a little boy.
You can make the difference. Your decision and perspective can change alot of things.
The prob doesn't totally lies on your dad. No fault in this world only lie on one side.
My friend, i'm trying to tell you that it's no use claiming to know this and that in the family and yet wanting your own ways. Only spoilt brats do that. If you are one...this is for you.
If you're not...read on.
It'll just make you resent your parents more.
Grow up! Really...my heartfelt advice to you.
How are you going to show them you've grown to a young man???
By your school results? Your abilities? By what?
I learnt this.
By maturity....if you really want to get over your parents goodwill for you. Grow up...and appreciate their concerns over you.
Then gently decline their offer....and tell them about your thoughts.
Speak like a adult to adult. Since you said you think you learn more thing then them? You don't have to prove anything. Proving you're somebody will only make you a childish loser, and the end is frustration. Learn how to decline(gently) and see how you go about doing on your own. That's when your dad realise that he need to respect YOUR decision.
It'll take a long long time for your dad to see the point....but it's worth it. Really, i have been thru it.
Your concern is over a bag...and on top of that, over your parents decisions over you which made you really upset.
Their concern is YOU. Not about what you do or whatever you want to prove. But you...all that's in their mouth may be things so uncaring and outward. That's because they find it hard to express care and concern...come on...you are sensitive enough to know all this. Maybe because of their background which made them this way?
Learn to work with them towards a better family. That's a true test of being a grown up. Have you really grown up?
Do consider what i have said.
MC's Quote:
In Life. Some knots could be solve in one conversation then years of frustrations. -
I think you really have something in your mouth, gold coins or what.
Just don't want to open our mouth, Just SAY it!
Instead of thinking of what your dad will think and fear of disappointing him why not think about yourself? How would he feel when he don't see you carrying the bag he bought for you?
Would it be altogether a better solution if you would have in the first place let him know that you can get the money and buy it on your own? or you can join him and get the bag you like while he pay for it.
i know this damn well..i always tell them i rather buy it on my own. in fact my ma didnt buy 1 for me because i told her i wanna buy it on my own. get this straight. i go buy with him, what i want he sure say no. what he wants to buy, i dont like, alot of times we got conflicting tastes.
I really think it's a win win situation.
You just didn't want to because you didn't want to compromise your ideals about why others can do this and that, why are you still stuck in a family which treats you like a little boy.
You can make the difference. Your decision and perspective can change alot of things. i dunno waht to say abt this.
The prob doesn't totally lies on your dad. No fault in this world only lie on one side.
My friend, i'm trying to tell you that it's no use claiming to know this and that in the family and yet wanting your own ways. Only spoilt brats do that. If you are one...this is for you.
If you're not...read on.
It'll just make you resent your parents more.
Grow up! Really...my heartfelt advice to you.
How are you going to show them you've grown to a young man???
By your school results? Your abilities? By what?
I learnt this.
By maturity....if you really want to get over your parents goodwill for you. Grow up...and appreciate their concerns over you.
Then gently decline their offer....and tell them about your thoughts. i always say i rather do it on my own. i have been doing this for years ok?!
Speak like a adult to adult. Since you said you think you learn more thing then them? You don't have to prove anything. Proving you're somebody will only make you a childish loser, and the end is frustration. Learn how to decline(gently) and see how you go about doing on your own. That's when your dad realise that he need to respect YOUR decision.
It'll take a long long time for your dad to see the point....but it's worth it. Really, i have been thru it. my sis freq argues with them because they tend to dismiss our ideas and suggestions so easily.
Your concern is over a bag...and on top of that, over your parents decisions over you which made you really upset. i have mentioned this before. the bag is not the subject, ok?
Their concern is YOU. Not about what you do or whatever you want to prove. But you...all that's in their mouth may be things so uncaring and outward. That's because they find it hard to express care and concern...come on...you are sensitive enough to know all this. Maybe because of their background which made them this way? sheltering me to the extend i learn abt alot of things outside the family is not the way for concern.
Learn to work with them towards a better family. That's a true test of being a grown up. Have you really grown up?
Do consider what i have said.
MC's Quote:
In Life. Some knots could be solve in one conversation then years of frustrations.
honestly i think while most parts are food for thought, some parts of yr reply is abit insulting. -
Honestly....it's my advise to you.Originally posted by bismarck:[quote]Originally posted by M©+square:
[b]For the bag incident.
I think you really have something in your mouth, gold coins or what.
Just don't want to open our mouth, Just SAY it!
Instead of thinking of what your dad will think and fear of disappointing him why not think about yourself? How would he feel when he don't see you carrying the bag he bought for you?
Would it be altogether a better solution if you would have in the first place let him know that you can get the money and buy it on your own? or you can join him and get the bag you like while he pay for it. i know this damn well..i always tell them i rather buy it on my own. in fact my ma didnt buy 1 for me because i told her i wanna buy it on my own. get this straight. i go buy with him, what i want he sure say no. what he wants to buy, i dont like, alot of times we got conflicting tastes.
I really think it's a win win situation.
You just didn't want to because you didn't want to compromise your ideals about why others can do this and that, why are you still stuck in a family which treats you like a little boy.
You can make the difference. Your decision and perspective can change alot of things. i dunno waht to say abt this.
The prob doesn't totally lies on your dad. No fault in this world only lie on one side.
My friend, i'm trying to tell you that it's no use claiming to know this and that in the family and yet wanting your own ways. Only spoilt brats do that. If you are one...this is for you.
If you're not...read on.
It'll just make you resent your parents more.
Grow up! Really...my heartfelt advice to you.
How are you going to show them you've grown to a young man???
By your school results? Your abilities? By what?
I learnt this.
By maturity....if you really want to get over your parents goodwill for you. Grow up...and appreciate their concerns over you.
Then gently decline their offer....and tell them about your thoughts. i always say i rather do it on my own. i have been doing this for years ok?!
Speak like a adult to adult. Since you said you think you learn more thing then them? You don't have to prove anything. Proving you're somebody will only make you a childish loser, and the end is frustration. Learn how to decline(gently) and see how you go about doing on your own. That's when your dad realise that he need to respect YOUR decision.
It'll take a long long time for your dad to see the point....but it's worth it. Really, i have been thru it. my sis freq argues with them because they tend to dismiss our ideas and suggestions so easily.
Your concern is over a bag...and on top of that, over your parents decisions over you which made you really upset. i have mentioned this before. the bag is not the subject, ok?
Their concern is YOU. Not about what you do or whatever you want to prove. But you...all that's in their mouth may be things so uncaring and outward. That's because they find it hard to express care and concern...come on...you are sensitive enough to know all this. Maybe because of their background which made them this way? sheltering me to the extend i learn abt alot of things outside the family is not the way for concern.
Learn to work with them towards a better family. That's a true test of being a grown up. Have you really grown up?
Do consider what i have said.
MC's Quote:
In Life. Some knots could be solve in one conversation then years of frustrations. honestly i think some parts of yr reply is abit insulting.
If i got it all wrong, i'm truly sorry.
Time will tell if i'm right. Or rather....if you're right in doing things your way....time will indeed tell.
On the insult part...i didn't mean it. Really. Just a honest call from me. I guess i don't have the right to do it.
Well...all up to you.
Cheers -
Originally posted by bismarck:as i was leaving sch, he called me and asked me what color of bag i would want as he was going to buy 1 for me because after work and he has the time. then i just say black.after i ended the call, i sort of regretted that because i dun wan ppl to decide and buy things for me when it comes to things where u cant define which is better and it's a matter of taste/preference. then most of the time i dont like the brands and design of the things he buys for me and i sometimes i have very different tastes from my family. i knew ie VERY well. like he buys those brands that i simply dont like, some dunno what brands. for somethings i dun care....but alot of times i do. that's why i rather ask for the money then i go buy my own bag and not subject to what they like.
but i didnt call him because i dun want to give him that kind of disappointment or whatever u call it.
true enough, he bought a brand i didnt like. some funny name....i mean i know we arent rich...he aint rich too. so it's nice he buys something for me, but i rather u give me the money to buy. hello....i am 18 liaoz. cant i decide what i want? there are ppl who are 13,14 and they think for what they want. till now alot of things they still want to control.
i mean i feel that alot of things i cannot do/plan because of them keep arranging things for me. i feel that i learn more things outside than i learn from them. they at the most give me the influence.
so now i dunno whether to keep the bag or not. on 1 hand i dont want to like give the impression that i am looking down on him or something but on the other hand i dont like the bag ?
i am already under pressure to perform at sch. i dont want to go home to get pressure. honestly, when i take photographs, i dont feel stressful although there are many times i am disappointed with the shots i take. i feel more stressed at home than at sch....
god help me/ Seriously speaking, if you really go around asking - many would be very happy if their dad took initiative to buy something for them. Such attempts were almost impossible in their context. And like what MC had mentioned - if you don't like, speak with them - like adult to adult. If not, your parents would forever treat you like a kid.
If it was me, I would hell of a happy if my dad did something like that. But probably I would reject and rather buy myself - but nevertheless, still I really appreciate that thought. Its something that probably will never happen to me. Be thankful for what you have.
Cheers -
bismarck my bruddha... understand that your family luvs you, thats why they wana get involved in your life. There's a saying i belive in that goes 'complain now, regret later'.
There are parents out there who are terrible, criminals, child abusers, drunkards, gamblers or have jus no regard for their families. how r these examples compared to yours?
There are people who's parents have passed on, seriously sick, one parent families.... these people want to have the luv n attention of their parent/s but cant. Who u rather be in their shoes?
Take a past relationship for a little xample. when yr gf broke up with you n there's no getting back together. Do you feel stupid about all your little arguements n fights? Do you wish you could turn back the clock n do things differently?
nuff said. -
hello bismarck
yeah I'd like to keep my college name a secret
why not you tell your dad nicely, that you really really appreciate his wanting to buy things for you, and that you understand his good intentions. and then you can go on to say, that since the family's financial situation isn't exactly well now, you'd rather the money be more well-spent on other things [u know like that you can sound like a good son
], then maybe you can give some examples. and maybe you can grab this opportunity to mention your great lurrrrve for photography, and that you'd be very happy if they helped to fund a little for something which you really like to do, and is very happy doing. 
but then if they refuse to fund it, nicely say "its ok"
if you were wondering if your suggestion's gonna be dismissed easily like your sister's, well hmm you never know what will happen right? nothing in the future is definite! and if they DO choose to dismiss it, take a firm stand, but must remember your toneee cannot be bad bad
i hope it helped... and i hope things go well for you soon... -
Well.... as i start reading ur msg.. i start to recall my days when i was young like u... I'm only 21 now though. I guess i start to have thoughts lik u when iwas even younger.. mayb 14? I guess its a stage that everybody have to go through... the growing up phrase... and as i get older i start to learn to appreciate things my mum do for me...
I envy u ...really... that u have a very caring father. I had forgotten what it feels like when ur dad buys something for u. Come to think of it... i guess its been YEARS.... It not that my dad is no longer around... He and my mum have been dicvorced for 15 years and he left to work in overseas shortly after that. He comes back once or twice a yr when i was in primary school and i remember being very happy with the gifts he brought back.. I guess at that point being a kid is the most happiest... because u dunno how to compare.... and u will think that everything ur parents give are the best... (Which kid at that time knows abt brands anyway.. But not the kids now.. TOO SMART!! )
When i reach sec sch.. once a while he'll get me gifts... but it was reduced to 1 in 2 yrs mayb.... sometimes... not even my birthday i get a gift.... (and i've not seen him for 3 yrs...)
U r really fortunate to have ur parents around now... and u still dunno how the world is like, and the difficulty of fending urself in the real world... U r jus a protected boy worrying abt ur hobby, abt the bag ur dad bought u... And have u ever thought life is very fragile.... everyday we see ppl dying in accidents... and we took for granted that such things will never happen to ppl close to us... Wo can guarantee such things... nobody.... I'm not cursing but pls... think abt it..... If such thing happened to ur dad... will u think that this bag is useless? Or will u treat it like a treasure? Nothing is worthless... it just how u judge it.... it all lies in ur heart.
Abt ur hobby... well... u said it... its ur hobby... it's not a necessity... ur parents dun have the reponsibility to fund it for u... especially u know the financial status of ur family... Its ur responsibility so dun
sound like its very noble for u not to ask them to fund it....
U wan to show them u r no longer a kid? THen show them that u have grow up..... by be more responsible in ur own stuff.. show that u can take care of urself... pack ur own room, wake up urself.. have the initiative... and not do things after ur mum nag u a thousand times... and let them know u have done ur best in ur studies.After u have done this.. use this solid evidence to show that u have grown up..... rather than jus saying "I've grown up"... It makes a difference u know....
Sorry this gets a bit long.... but jus my 2 cents.. hope u think its useful... -
Originally posted by shirurinu:Well.... as i start reading ur msg.. i start to recall my days when i was young like u... I'm only 21 now though. I guess i start to have thoughts lik u when iwas even younger.. mayb 14? I guess its a stage that everybody have to go through... the growing up phrase... and as i get older i start to learn to appreciate things my mum do for me...
I envy u ...really... that u have a very caring father. I had forgotten what it feels like when ur dad buys something for u. Come to think of it... i guess its been YEARS.... It not that my dad is no longer around... He and my mum have been dicvorced for 15 years and he left to work in overseas shortly after that. He comes back once or twice a yr when i was in primary school and i remember being very happy with the gifts he brought back.. I guess at that point being a kid is the most happiest... because u dunno how to compare.... and u will think that everything ur parents give are the best... (Which kid at that time knows abt brands anyway.. But not the kids now.. TOO SMART!! )
When i reach sec sch.. once a while he'll get me gifts... but it was reduced to 1 in 2 yrs mayb.... sometimes... not even my birthday i get a gift.... (and i've not seen him for 3 yrs...)
U r really fortunate to have ur parents around now... and u still dunno how the world is like, and the difficulty of fending urself in the real world... U r jus a protected boy worrying abt ur hobby, abt the bag ur dad bought u... And have u ever thought life is very fragile.... everyday we see ppl dying in accidents... and we took for granted that such things will never happen to ppl close to us... Wo can guarantee such things... nobody.... I'm not cursing but pls... think abt it..... If such thing happened to ur dad... will u think that this bag is useless? Or will u treat it like a treasure? Nothing is worthless... it just how u judge it.... it all lies in ur heart.
Abt ur hobby... well... u said it... its ur hobby... it's not a necessity... ur parents dun have the reponsibility to fund it for u... especially u know the financial status of ur family... Its ur responsibility so dun
sound like its very noble for u not to ask them to fund it....
U wan to show them u r no longer a kid? THen show them that u have grow up..... by be more responsible in ur own stuff.. show that u can take care of urself... pack ur own room, wake up urself.. have the initiative... and not do things after ur mum nag u a thousand times... and let them know u have done ur best in ur studies.After u have done this.. use this solid evidence to show that u have grown up..... rather than jus saying "I've grown up"... It makes a difference u know....
Sorry this gets a bit long.... but jus my 2 cents.. hope u think its useful... nice going.... -
......
Just throw it away Mr bismarck... Why think so much about it? Afterall... It's JUST A BAG.... -
appreciate them my friend....for in this life u only get juz this 1 dad...dun regret when they r gone....cheers....
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appreciate your dad's show of concern and use it. i don't how long didn't recieve a single shiat from my dad liao. it's already out of fashion to buy cheong designer labels from bugis street.
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honestly after reading all the replies...
maybe i do have a use for it.....
low-end camera bag.....
manfrotto tripod... <--- joho shld know what is this
fuji s7000(impending) <-----joho shld also know what is this...
then on mon wed fri...use my current bag
tues and thurs use the new 1...
on sunday....wear both...front and back.....or toss a coin to decide....
honestly i do now...feel abit ...welll...erm....like some ppl dont have such an oppppppportunity like me.... gettttting a bagggggie from my dadadadadadadadadadadada. -
good
sometimes, it's great to have stuff given to you like that out of care and concern isn't it?Originally posted by bismarck:honestly i do now...feel abit ...welll...erm....like some ppl dont have such an oppppppportunity like me.... gettttting a bagggggie from my dadadadadadadadadadadada. -
so now i dunno whether to keep the bag or not. on 1 hand i dont want to like give the impression that i am looking down on him or something but on the other hand i dont like the bag ?
i am already under pressure to perform at sch. i dont want to go home to get pressure. honestly, when i take photographs, i dont feel stressful although there are many times i am disappointed with the shots i take. i feel more stressed at home than at sch....
god help me/
If your father is as frank as me or my own father, tell him how you feel so that this sort of thing can be hindered in future.
For now, either resell the bag, or just "heck care" (as you people say) and use the darn thing