why is he doing this...
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bf tells me he went to play badminton with 2 other frnz (consists of guys). days later, heard frm other frnz tat they had actually played with another girl as well. y did he lie to me? if he didnt do anything wrong, y muz he lie? wtf man........now it makes me wonder if there r whole lotsa other things he lied to me......
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urm, tibirg, (this is happening to many of my friends too) lying or seemingly lying does not imply anything.Originally posted by tibirg:bf tells me he went to play badminton with 2 other frnz (consists of guys). days later, heard frm other frnz tat they had actually played with another girl as well. y did he lie to me? if he didnt do anything wrong, y muz he lie? wtf man........now it makes me wonder if there r whole lotsa other things he lied to me......
Many reasons. Maybe he made a mistake, maybe he blur when he told you, or it can be just friends and he didnt have anything for her, it can be even he worried if he mentioned "a girl" he afraid you will be overemotional over it.
Unless he has been unfaithful or purposely lie to you many times before, most of the time its not a big deal.
I had a friend (poor him) whose gf was suspicious of what he said or do. It take me some time also to try to convince the gal there is nothing. I had been out with him, accompanying him sometimes, how can he be flirting around??? Other thing he said he did, and which i can vouch for, she didnt believe. Turn up to be frustrating for both of us.
No offence, but I seen you posting few problems here abt uour bf, so I was worried you might be tad too sensitive....hope I am wrong
Why dont you pick up badminton to play with him too. If he is engage with activities, engage in his activities.....kekekeke....btw how come he got so much time arh? (u know what I mean) -
wow cool down first...Originally posted by tibirg:bf tells me he went to play badminton with 2 other frnz (consists of guys). days later, heard frm other frnz tat they had actually played with another girl as well. y did he lie to me? if he didnt do anything wrong, y muz he lie? wtf man........now it makes me wonder if there r whole lotsa other things he lied to me......
Technically he left out facts ....dun think it is lying...anyway
did u restrict his contacts wif gals?
maybe his fren invite without his knowledge leh?
Ok lets have a little psycho lesson of a guy...
1.by default guy will not let gf know that they will be in the present of other gals due to the fact that they stereo-typed gals to be easily jealous or will react in some unpredictable way...
2. They are too careful about their relationship...they dun want anything to trigger any offset...in real world physically u dun put 2 reactive material together do u ?so put them far apart....
3. being guys they have tendence to keep things to themselves...can dun ask dun ask...ask too much later gal fren start to suspect then fuse around, headache again....
4. generally both gender like to assume and pressume.
perhaps he did not get ur preference to how u might react to other gals yet, so lead to this misunderstanding....dun jus blew your top and kill the communication. Encourage communication so that he will feel comfortable telling u everything...remember the forth pt... many ppl fall for it....have a cool talk with him....
stay cool -
yes, i'd might b unhappy if he told me tat there's a girl in it. but i will feel even worst if i actually hear tat frm someone else. u noe e feelin? but really, i used to b very sensitive, n i can swear ive mellowed down alot now...Originally posted by laurence82:urm, tibirg, (this is happening to many of my friends too) lying or seemingly lying does not imply anything.
Many reasons. Maybe he made a mistake, maybe he blur when he told you, or it can be just friends and he didnt have anything for her, it can be even he worried if he mentioned "a girl" he afraid you will be overemotional over it.
Unless he has been unfaithful or purposely lie to you many times before, most of the time its not a big deal.
I had a friend (poor him) whose gf was suspicious of what he said or do. It take me some time also to try to convince the gal there is nothing. I had been out with him, accompanying him sometimes, how can he be flirting around??? Other thing he said he did, and which i can vouch for, she didnt believe. Turn up to be frustrating for both of us.
No offence, but I seen you posting few problems here abt uour bf, so I was worried you might be tad too sensitive....hope I am wrong
Why dont you pick up badminton to play with him too. If he is engage with activities, engage in his activities.....kekekeke....btw how come he got so much time arh? (u know what I mean)
he wasnt blur or anything like tat. i knew he went to play badminton wit 2 other guys so i did asked him how they played wit 3 players. he replied me can. n tat was b4 i noe of anythin abt the girl....
i can say i trust him. i dont call him every min, every hr, bugging him if he is out wit his frnz etc. i leave him him all to it. im juz kinda pi$$ed tat he lie n i heard e truth frm someone else....
n no, tis is not e 1st time. i didnt qn him abt e 1st time situation...
abt him being so free..? n y not i join him in activities..? long story
not convenient to post here too -
Originally posted by tibirg:bf tells me he went to play badminton with 2 other frnz (consists of guys). days later, heard frm other frnz tat they had actually played with another girl as well. y did he lie to me? if he didnt do anything wrong, y muz he lie? wtf man........now it makes me wonder if there r whole lotsa other things he lied to me......
Ask and clarify. Drop the idea and thoughts of 'if there r whole lotsa other things he lied to me' - redress your situation and seek for a proper explaination. Have a good talk procedure about honesty and trust and see if he truely wished to work towards that.
Cheers -
Yups, people just donch like to be kept in the dark, as with my friend's gf, she told me one thing during an incident, that she doesnt like to be kept in the dark, especially if its something people who will be gossiping about and making a cuckold out of her.......Originally posted by tibirg:yes, i'd might b unhappy if he told me tat there's a girl in it. but i will feel even worst if i actually hear tat frm someone else. u noe e feelin? but really, i used to b very sensitive, n i can swear ive mellowed down alot now...
he wasnt blur or anything like tat. i knew he went to play badminton wit 2 other guys so i did asked him how they played wit 3 players. he replied me can. n tat was b4 i noe of anythin abt the girl....
i can say i trust him. i dont call him every min, every hr, bugging him if he is out wit his frnz etc. i leave him him all to it. im juz kinda pi$$ed tat he lie n i heard e truth frm someone else....
Well, in anyway, I dont suggest you confront him, nor do you ask him anything. We men are like that, we dont like to be "investigated". Why dont you ask whoever tell you the incident more details.................... -
Originally posted by Yunhaier:
i mentioned it to him but i didnt clarify my feelings to him....arghhh silly me! Ask and clarify. Drop the idea and thoughts of [b]'if there r whole lotsa other things he lied to me' - redress your situation and seek for a proper explaination. Have a good talk procedure about honesty and trust and see if he truely wished to work towards that.
Cheers [/b] -
yesh yesh....like i said i can understn tat he may b afraid tat i'd b unhappy to hear e truth so he feels its "safer" to keep it frm me....but i'd rather he tell me then i hear it frm someone else...Originally posted by Twincat:wow cool down first...
Technically he left out facts ....dun think it is lying...anyway
did u restrict his contacts wif gals?
maybe his fren invite without his knowledge leh?
Ok lets have a little psycho lesson of a guy...
1.by default guy will not let gf know that they will be in the present of other gals due to the fact that they stereo-typed gals to be easily jealous or will react in some unpredictable way...
2. They are too careful about their relationship...they dun want anything to trigger any offset...in real world physically u dun put 2 reactive material together do u ?so put them far apart....
3. being guys they have tendence to keep things to themselves...can dun ask dun ask...ask too much later gal fren start to suspect then fuse around, headache again....
4. generally both gender like to assume and pressume.
perhaps he did not get ur preference to how u might react to other gals yet, so lead to this misunderstanding....dun jus blew your top and kill the communication. Encourage communication so that he will feel comfortable telling u everything...remember the forth pt... many ppl fall for it....have a cool talk with him....
stay cool
and no, i dont restrict him frm contacting gals!!!
and to ur point num 3, im basically a rather quiet person. prefer to observe carefully b4 shooting things frm my mouth. so i dont ask alot....never... -
mayb he afraid u get jealous... no need to get paranoid yet, go ask him abt the incident if it bugs u but ask in a gd way...Originally posted by tibirg:bf tells me he went to play badminton with 2 other frnz (consists of guys). days later, heard frm other frnz tat they had actually played with another girl as well. y did he lie to me? if he didnt do anything wrong, y muz he lie? wtf man........now it makes me wonder if there r whole lotsa other things he lied to me...... -
Originally posted by tibirg:bf tells me he went to play badminton with 2 other frnz (consists of guys). days later, heard frm other frnz tat they had actually played with another girl as well. y did he lie to me? if he didnt do anything wrong, y muz he lie? wtf man........now it makes me wonder if there r whole lotsa other things he lied to me...... innocently tell him you are curious to know how they played badminton with 3 players? then carefully observe his expression and tone of speech.
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Issue relating to honesty must be communicate immediately when incidents like this happens. One must keep an open mind, be tactful and convey not only the events that are happening, but the thoughts and feeling as well. Even when you know that he is lying, allow him a chance to explain from his view as well - sometimes, he could be innocent.Originally posted by tibirg:i mentioned it to him but i didnt clarify my feelings to him....arghhh silly me!
Discuss it as if you are problem-solving - you will discover that gradually, he will be more forth-coming with his honesty. But of course, you caught him red-handed with many issues, this calls for a full soul talk with him.
Cheers -
The point is, does he have to tell you everything?
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this is not relli a lie but censoring information......
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maybe the ger last minute then turn up leh?
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your case is mild as compared to my friend's case.Originally posted by tibirg:bf tells me he went to play badminton with 2 other frnz (consists of guys). days later, heard frm other frnz tat they had actually played with another girl as well. y did he lie to me? if he didnt do anything wrong, y muz he lie? wtf man........now it makes me wonder if there r whole lotsa other things he lied to me......
The bf said he joining a gang of friends (all guys) for badminton, and in the end, he did not go for the badminton but went out wif another gal for dinner... and then the gal asked the badminton gang and discovered her bf did not go for badminton at all.
When the gal asked her bf how was the game, he said it was good and even mentioned how he smashed and won the games...blah blah blah... and finally the gf broke down in front of him, cussing him for lying to her.
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Originally posted by sgboy2004:your case is mild as compared to my friend's case.
The bf said he joining a gang of friends (all guys) for badminton, and in the end, he did not go for the badminton but went out wif another gal for dinner... and then the gal asked the badminton gang and discovered her bf did not go for badminton at all.
When the gal asked her bf how was the game, he said it was good and even mentioned how he smashed and won the games...blah blah blah... and finally the gf broke down in front of him, cussing him for lying to her. 
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aiyo, ask urself 1st. u trust ur bf? u heard from pple, wad if the pple out to sprout nonsense. wad matter the most is dat u trust ur bf anot.Originally posted by tibirg:bf tells me he went to play badminton with 2 other frnz (consists of guys). days later, heard frm other frnz tat they had actually played with another girl as well. y did he lie to me? if he didnt do anything wrong, y muz he lie? wtf man........now it makes me wonder if there r whole lotsa other things he lied to me......
and in other case 2 guy he mention, and 1 didnt come and mayb a ger come as a replacement? who noes.. y bother to let such small thing come in between u and ur bf.. certain things no nid to see so clearly wan.. juz trust him. -
relax la.. maybe the girl join them later in the day... cannot say no ma.. right? circumstances are hard to predict.
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good pt ...Originally posted by audlenelee:maybe the ger last minute then turn up leh?
pls cool down...
tibirg pls reread my previous post especially my start para, pt 3(sorry was meaning guys dun like to ask too much), 4 and conclusion( he dun know that u would get so pissed off becos he didnt say- he need to know your preference). maybe the gal was really last minute invited by the other fren...
give yourself some cool off time before asking him... -
I always believe if a gal has emotional problems, we should engage another gal to talk to her, coz they can clickOriginally posted by Twincat:good pt ...
pls cool down...
tibirg pls reread my previous post especially my start para, pt 3(sorry was meaning guys dun like to ask too much), 4 and conclusion( he dun know that u would get so pissed off becos he didnt say- he need to know your preference). maybe the gal was really last minute invited by the other fren...
give yourself some cool off time before asking him...
Same for guys.
Agree, raise hand, no need type here kekekeke
Disagree can start flaming me liao. -
thats is true...but as for a couple they have to learn to talk to each other...ultimatly it is in between them...talk to each other when cool off of cos... focus on the problem and not speculation...more people in the communication channel the more loss of detail the message will become...Originally posted by laurence82:I always believe if a gal has emotional problems, we should engage another gal to talk to her, coz they can click
Same for guys.
Agree, raise hand, no need type here kekekeke
Disagree can start flaming me liao. -
How about if the gal is not in the mood to talk to bf? Shall we get her pals to talk to her first, and what should we say?Originally posted by Twincat:thats is true...but as for a couple they have to learn to talk to each other...ultimatly it is in between them...talk to each other when cool off of cos... focus on the problem and not speculation...more people in the communication channel the more loss of detail the message will become... -
Dat is 1 GOOD lier... God bless him when things come crashing down on him.Originally posted by sgboy2004:your case is mild as compared to my friend's case.
The bf said he joining a gang of friends (all guys) for badminton, and in the end, he did not go for the badminton but went out wif another gal for dinner... and then the gal asked the badminton gang and discovered her bf did not go for badminton at all.
When the gal asked her bf how was the game, he said it was good and even mentioned how he smashed and won the games...blah blah blah... and finally the gf broke down in front of him, cussing him for lying to her. -
Can ask her pals to talk to her first...Originally posted by laurence82:How about if the gal is not in the mood to talk to bf? Shall we get her pals to talk to her first, and what should we say?
1. Tell her pal the situation of cos...provided he know the reason what anger her...
2. he need to emphesize on the part that he believe to have cos the misunderstanding...
3. tell gal pal to monitor gf thoughts and calm gf down...dun let gf thoughts stray...
4. cool enough... arrange for a meeting to meet up...
if she willing to talk then...
1. Apologise first, but of cos mantain in a neutral position... not ask to ack that the fault is his...
example : sorry that that things have turn out so sore...(then add something sweet)
2. show ur egerness to resolve this conflict, ask her what makes her think in this particular way and let her finish...let her know why u need to know this...to understand her better lah (of cos in sweeter words) ...
3.explain what have cause the misunderstanding...
4.of cos dun put it like it is her fault... say something like ..."of cos if i am in your shoe, i will most likely think the same..."
4. if the r/s is old enough and the guy has a clean record...can always bring up past event to re-enforce her confidence... -
in a relationship... trust is veri important... without a single trust for each other... no point being in a relationship... don even think of being friends... might as well be a total stranger...
