complete mistrust in family
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actually i am not angry or something now, neither am i asking for solutions, rather i am asking for opinions on how shld/could have solved this matter.
on friday evening before my parents came back my sis and i had this little arguement,tiff or wahtever u call it. just another simple tiff...or so i thought.
i complained to my mum abt my sis' attitude and when she came home,i was downstairs and the immediately stormed down and shouted at me.
she scolded,screamed and shouted at me apparently for using vulgarities like f--- off and arsehole at my sis. she even threatened to disown me because of waht i said.
i admit i lost my cool and immediately defended myself and looked her in the eye and said i didnt say those words. and my sis attempted to act victim again " ok loh. i am lying loh"
then my parents took the chance to 'jie ti fa hui' scold me for a variety of other stuffs.
i repeated again and again that i didnt say those words. i then question on what basis did my mum make her conclusion, within 2 lines, i tore her story to shreds. even my dad kept quiet.
i simply asked, on whose account did u come to this conclusion? hers,mine or both? she was loss for words. to save her face, she told me not to use those words on her and i replied that i nvr use those words, much less vulgarities on ppl, women too. only in extreme cases, to men.
i agreed but it was only repeated requests that she said it to my sis. i also question her choice of words because it seemed again that she, deep down, believed what my sis said.
the next day i questioned her move when we were in the car without anyone else and she agreed her judgement yesterday was clouded, her mind was delusional and her accusations were shaky at best.
when she asked me whether i felt sorry or anything, i said i admitted to being wrong for raising my voice and explained that when i looked her in the eyes as i said " i didnt say those words" i didnt stare at her but it was to show that i am firm on my stance and that i can forgive but not forget.
i also told her, u want to blame me for using those words? blame my dad first. he used those words in front of me before i learnt to differentiate. and he was the one who frequently used those f words on me when we argued.
i told her i couldnt trust anyone in the family anymore.
from this episode, i learnt 1 lesson. Either you know or you dont know, there's nothing as not sure. -
well.. all i can say is, me been thru wat u deem as mistrust in famliy members (details i shall omit)... but one thing for sure, family is smthing tt we will hv for life, be it u like it or not, yes although they r not rite, but i can't say u r totally w/o faults also? so, juz give n take? once u cool down liao, i believe things will fade off w/ time? if possible try to talk things out nicely to voice out how u really feel?
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family is all we have...Originally posted by bismarck:actually i am not angry or something now, neither am i asking for solutions, rather i am asking for opinions on how shld/could have solved this matter.
on friday evening before my parents came back my sis and i had this little arguement,tiff or wahtever u call it. just another simple tiff...or so i thought.
i complained to my mum abt my sis' attitude and when she came home,i was downstairs and the immediately stormed down and shouted at me.
she scolded,screamed and shouted at me apparently for using vulgarities like f--- off and arsehole at my sis. she even threatened to disown me because of waht i said.
i admit i lost my cool and immediately defended myself and looked her in the eye and said i didnt say those words. and my sis attempted to act victim again " ok loh. i am lying loh"
then my parents took the chance to 'jie ti fa hui' scold me for a variety of other stuffs.
i repeated again and again that i didnt say those words. i then question on what basis did my mum make her conclusion, within 2 lines, i tore her story to shreds. even my dad kept quiet.
i simply asked, on whose account did u come to this conclusion? hers,mine or both? she was loss for words. to save her face, she told me not to use those words on her and i replied that i nvr use those words, much less vulgarities on ppl, women too. only in extreme cases, to men.
i agreed but it was only repeated requests that she said it to my sis. i also question her choice of words because it seemed again that she, deep down, believed what my sis said.
the next day i questioned her move when we were in the car without anyone else and she agreed her judgement yesterday was clouded, her mind was delusional and her accusations were shaky at best.
when she asked me whether i felt sorry or anything, i said i admitted to being wrong for raising my voice and explained that when i looked her in the eyes as i said " i didnt say those words" i didnt stare at her but it was to show that i am firm on my stance and that i can forgive but not forget.
i also told her, u want to blame me for using those words? blame my dad first. he used those words in front of me before i learnt to differentiate. and he was the one who frequently used those f words on me when we argued.
i told her i couldnt trust anyone in the family anymore.
from this episode, i learnt 1 lesson. Either you know or you dont know, there's nothing as not sure.
is this only once? if happen often, must then really sit down and talk.. -
i mean, waht can i say loh, she said all these just because she trusts my sis
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yup.. i agreed on that..... family will always quarrel one lah.. especially when sibling are still young lor... next time when all old already got own family already then u want to quarrel also no chance lor.. just cheer up and be so strong about that mistrust family thing lah ok....Originally posted by holding:family is all we have...
is this only once? if happen often, must then really sit down and talk..
p.s very curious.. so did u or did u not used those four letter words on ur sis???
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Forgive & forget. Parents sometimes make mistakes, they are not perfect. Be more understanding cos they are also under stress. Also just because your dad use vulgarities, u must not follow. Maybe your mum should have a word with him.
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bismarck, i`m w u..
no advises for u..
juz to let u know i`m in the same hot shoe -
Seriously, I think you should be learning one more lesson from there?Originally posted by bismarck:actually i am not angry or something now, neither am i asking for solutions, rather i am asking for opinions on how shld/could have solved this matter.
on friday evening before my parents came back my sis and i had this little arguement,tiff or wahtever u call it. just another simple tiff...or so i thought.
i complained to my mum abt my sis' attitude and when she came home,i was downstairs and the immediately stormed down and shouted at me.
she scolded,screamed and shouted at me apparently for using vulgarities like f--- off and arsehole at my sis. she even threatened to disown me because of waht i said.
i admit i lost my cool and immediately defended myself and looked her in the eye and said i didnt say those words. and my sis attempted to act victim again " ok loh. i am lying loh"
then my parents took the chance to 'jie ti fa hui' scold me for a variety of other stuffs.
i repeated again and again that i didnt say those words. i then question on what basis did my mum make her conclusion, within 2 lines, i tore her story to shreds. even my dad kept quiet.
i simply asked, on whose account did u come to this conclusion? hers,mine or both? she was loss for words. to save her face, she told me not to use those words on her and i replied that i nvr use those words, much less vulgarities on ppl, women too. only in extreme cases, to men.
i agreed but it was only repeated requests that she said it to my sis. i also question her choice of words because it seemed again that she, deep down, believed what my sis said.
the next day i questioned her move when we were in the car without anyone else and she agreed her judgement yesterday was clouded, her mind was delusional and her accusations were shaky at best.
when she asked me whether i felt sorry or anything, i said i admitted to being wrong for raising my voice and explained that when i looked her in the eyes as i said " i didnt say those words" i didnt stare at her but it was to show that i am firm on my stance and that i can forgive but not forget.
i also told her, u want to blame me for using those words? blame my dad first. he used those words in front of me before i learnt to differentiate. and he was the one who frequently used those f words on me when we argued.
i told her i couldnt trust anyone in the family anymore.
from this episode, i learnt 1 lesson. Either you know or you dont know, there's nothing as not sure.
"Things happen. It's really what you learn from it and what you make out of them which matters..." -
If possible, live on your own in your home.
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I see. thanks. btw maybe u can edit yr post abit , as in..remove most of my words in yr quote so that it would be easier to read?Originally posted by Devil1976:Seriously, I think you should be learning one more lesson from there?
"Things happen. It's really what you learn from it and what you make out of them which matters..."
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of course not, i wouldnt be saying all these anyway. eh come on lah, if i was guilty of it i wouldnt be in this situationOriginally posted by I-like-flings(m):yup.. i agreed on that..... family will always quarrel one lah.. especially when sibling are still young lor... next time when all old already got own family already then u want to quarrel also no chance lor.. just cheer up and be so strong about that mistrust family thing lah ok....
p.s very curious.. so did u or did u not used those four letter words on ur sis??? -
/me pat pat ah bismarck
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Well, i think tat it is always lik tis lor... I feel tat deep down in u, i think u feel hurt by the mistrust of ur parents... Who wouldn't be, in tis situation?Originally posted by bismarck:actually i am not angry or something now, neither am i asking for solutions, rather i am asking for opinions on how shld/could have solved this matter.
on friday evening before my parents came back my sis and i had this little arguement,tiff or wahtever u call it. just another simple tiff...or so i thought.
i complained to my mum abt my sis' attitude and when she came home,i was downstairs and the immediately stormed down and shouted at me.
she scolded,screamed and shouted at me apparently for using vulgarities like f--- off and arsehole at my sis. she even threatened to disown me because of waht i said.
i admit i lost my cool and immediately defended myself and looked her in the eye and said i didnt say those words. and my sis attempted to act victim again " ok loh. i am lying loh"
then my parents took the chance to 'jie ti fa hui' scold me for a variety of other stuffs.
i repeated again and again that i didnt say those words. i then question on what basis did my mum make her conclusion, within 2 lines, i tore her story to shreds. even my dad kept quiet.
i simply asked, on whose account did u come to this conclusion? hers,mine or both? she was loss for words. to save her face, she told me not to use those words on her and i replied that i nvr use those words, much less vulgarities on ppl, women too. only in extreme cases, to men.
i agreed but it was only repeated requests that she said it to my sis. i also question her choice of words because it seemed again that she, deep down, believed what my sis said.
the next day i questioned her move when we were in the car without anyone else and she agreed her judgement yesterday was clouded, her mind was delusional and her accusations were shaky at best.
when she asked me whether i felt sorry or anything, i said i admitted to being wrong for raising my voice and explained that when i looked her in the eyes as i said " i didnt say those words" i didnt stare at her but it was to show that i am firm on my stance and that i can forgive but not forget.
i also told her, u want to blame me for using those words? blame my dad first. he used those words in front of me before i learnt to differentiate. and he was the one who frequently used those f words on me when we argued.
i told her i couldnt trust anyone in the family anymore.
from this episode, i learnt 1 lesson. Either you know or you dont know, there's nothing as not sure.
Sometimes, the best solution is to keep quiet... Keep ur cool... Is difficult... But u really quarrell wif ur sis, jus keep it btw the both of u lor... Don say out to ur mum... Anywae, u will know who she will side...
Mayb some mums more darlin their daughters n more biase towards them lor...
No matter wat, ur mum scold u or wat, jus keep quiet lor... They scold u keep quiet so... Wat can they say? Sometimes when u lose ur cool wif them, it jus agitiates the other party further to think of greater means to out win u... N it goes on... By keepin ur cool, u will smother the fire...
Then mayb things won be so bad...
Ok ok... I talkin cock.... I admit...
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sigh..
One can choose friends but cannot choose family/relatives.
'Learn' from them and try not to be like them.
Who knows, you might somehow get influenced by them and ruined your relationship with others.. -
maybe what i m gng to say might infuriates you....
you said you couldnt trust anyone in the family anymore...I believe trust is built on mutual understanding and communication..What I'm trying to imply is you have to give your mum benefit of doubts(maybe that's why she wasn't sure), given that you have 'history' of 'blabbering' vulgarities at times. You know what I mean? Your 'sinister' sis wldnt be able to set u up in the first place if you havent had this habit. I am not saying your mum is right. Everyone has part in it but that's not important anymore (only very important when everyone is screaming at each other). It's just misunderstandings. I do quarrel with family members sometimes, but it's also a way of understanding each other more.
As for your parents' 'jie ti fa hui-ness', I believe it's abit inappropriate for them to do tt with everyone 's head 'on fire', but I can strongly guarantee( till your parents grow old and die) tt they still love you very much, else they can't be bothered how bad you become.
And I am sure you will be able to kick the habit of scolding vulgarities one fine day. Cheers and have a pleasant day ahead! -
Oh.. Kay...Originally posted by bismarck:actually i am not angry or something now, neither am i asking for solutions, rather i am asking for opinions on how shld/could have solved this matter.
on friday evening before my parents came back my sis and i had this little arguement,tiff or wahtever u call it. just another simple tiff...or so i thought.
i complained to my mum abt my sis' attitude and when she came home,i was downstairs and the immediately stormed down and shouted at me.
she scolded,screamed and shouted at me apparently for using vulgarities like f--- off and arsehole at my sis. she even threatened to disown me because of waht i said.
i admit i lost my cool and immediately defended myself and looked her in the eye and said i didnt say those words. and my sis attempted to act victim again " ok loh. i am lying loh"
then my parents took the chance to 'jie ti fa hui' scold me for a variety of other stuffs.
i repeated again and again that i didnt say those words. i then question on what basis did my mum make her conclusion, within 2 lines, i tore her story to shreds. even my dad kept quiet.
i simply asked, on whose account did u come to this conclusion? hers,mine or both? she was loss for words. to save her face, she told me not to use those words on her and i replied that i nvr use those words, much less vulgarities on ppl, women too. only in extreme cases, to men.
i agreed but it was only repeated requests that she said it to my sis. i also question her choice of words because it seemed again that she, deep down, believed what my sis said.
the next day i questioned her move when we were in the car without anyone else and she agreed her judgement yesterday was clouded, her mind was delusional and her accusations were shaky at best.
when she asked me whether i felt sorry or anything, i said i admitted to being wrong for raising my voice and explained that when i looked her in the eyes as i said " i didnt say those words" i didnt stare at her but it was to show that i am firm on my stance and that i can forgive but not forget.
i also told her, u want to blame me for using those words? blame my dad first. he used those words in front of me before i learnt to differentiate. and he was the one who frequently used those f words on me when we argued.
i told her i couldnt trust anyone in the family anymore.
from this episode, i learnt 1 lesson. Either you know or you dont know, there's nothing as not sure.
Everyone has their own approach to things. But not all of these approaches are correct. But I'm not saying they are all wrong either.
Truth is, there is no one single correct way to rectify this kind of problem. I admit, I would have done things similar to what you have done, but others won't, but it will probably build up to the same conclusion.
Problem solving is both a talent and a skill. And some problems can't be solved in one conversation, much less one night. Relationship difficulties between parents-children usually stems from lack of communication, bonding and favouritism towards one child.
But hey, it's ur life. Live it the way you want it. Who am I to tell you how to live, right?
No regretz..