I don't know where to ask this. Initially aunt agony column looks ok, but I want a Buddhist view and advice on the above concern, so...

Like I have mentioned in my first post in sgforums, my social circle comprises mainly of Christian friends. Not all invite me to church, but those that do, I want to decline them politely and for good.

And well, now the difficult part is, one of my relatives is a Christian (he's my cousin). He constantly asks me to go to church when I asks him questions regarding Christianity. I would have gone if not for the fact which he has mentioned before; his church are like most churches, very attentive to new faces and non-believers. Ie: They are very assertive and enthusiastic in introducing the Good News to non-believers.

I have already replied him many times that I'm now a Buddhist and intend to follow on with my faith. I also emphasised that one of my main purposes for learning about Christianity is to be able to make a difference some day in cultivating and strengthening inter-religious understanding, encourage more active participation and interaction among all followers of different religions in Singapore and eventually the rest of the world.

I really don't need the unnecessary attention and/or allow myself to face the almost unavoidable situation of having to explain in detail to Christians about why I don't want to become a Christian and why my current faith, Buddhism is not a false or wrong religion.

Please give me clear examples and important main points to say when declining such well-intentioned invitations.

I know that Christianity somehow seems to be natural and/or a favourite choice among many Singaporeans, of different educational backgrounds, professions and age groups. But more importantly, teenagers and working adults, especially those that speak mainly or only English at home. This means I can expect almost without a doubt, to be extended such invitations to church by strangers, acquaintances, friends and relatives for as long as I live.

The need to know how to politely refuse invitations of such nature in various ways, for different situations, has been for a long time, a high priority in my character, spiritual and religious cultivation.

Thank you for reading this long post.

You should make your posting in the Eternal Hope sub-forum. I can place a bet with you they don't know how to answer you because the Bible or the Church never teach them so. One of the thing you must remember is that: Christians are 'commanded' to 'save' this world. By that it means everyone they know and can be persuade either subtlely or by deceit to go to church or accept the Christian God. It is in the Bible because that is the authority they quote.
My grandmother who was for all her life an ancestor worshipper was taken to church by a relative on the pretext of bringing her out for 'jalan-jalan'. And when she became bed-ridden when she fell, they brought a pastor to her home to baptise her!
Just like you, I too had been asked, and my answer to them: I was a Christian, and I probably know more than you, and I have very good reason to be a free-thinker. If you think and think even more and deeply, you will also one day arrive at the same conclusion as me! From that day onward, they stopped asking me and also stopped treating me as friend. So, you know what Christians are! They have a motive.

Thank you for the invitation, i am comfortable with mine.

Originally posted by Spnw07:

I don't know where to ask this. Initially aunt agony column looks ok, but I want a Buddhist view and advice on the above concern, so...

Like I have mentioned in my first post in sgforums, my social circle comprises mainly of Christian friends. Not all invite me to church, but those that do, I want to decline them politely and for good.

And well, now the difficult part is, one of my relatives is a Christian (he's my cousin). He constantly asks me to go to church when I asks him questions regarding Christianity. I would have gone if not for the fact which he has mentioned before; his church are like most churches, very attentive to new faces and non-believers. Ie: They are very assertive and enthusiastic in introducing the Good News to non-believers.

I have already replied him many times that I'm now a Buddhist and intend to follow on with my faith. I also emphasised that one of my main purposes for learning about Christianity is to be able to make a difference some day in cultivating and strengthening inter-religious understanding, encourage more active participation and interaction among all followers of different religions in Singapore and eventually the rest of the world.

I really don't need the unnecessary attention and/or allow myself to face the almost unavoidable situation of having to explain in detail to Christians about why I don't want to become a Christian and why my current faith, Buddhism is not a false or wrong religion.

Please give me clear examples and important main points to say when declining such well-intentioned invitations.

I know that Christianity somehow seems to be natural and/or a favourite choice among many Singaporeans, of different educational backgrounds, professions and age groups. But more importantly, teenagers and working adults, especially those that speak mainly or only English at home. This means I can expect almost without a doubt, to be extended such invitations to church by strangers, acquaintances, friends and relatives for as long as I live.

The need to know how to politely refuse invitations of such nature in various ways, for different situations, has been for a long time, a high priority in my character, spiritual and religious cultivation.

Thank you for reading this long post.

Hmm... I think just say you are a committed Buddhist and thank them for the invitation... if you have went to churches b4 just tell them you went there b4. (have you?) I think they wouldn't insist after you tell them off a few times.

Originally posted by TheGoodEarth:

You should make your posting in the Eternal Hope sub-forum. I can place a bet with you they don't know how to answer you because the Bible or the Church never teach them so. One of the thing you must remember is that: Christians are 'commanded' to 'save' this world. By that it means everyone they know and can be persuade either subtlely or by deceit to go to church or accept the Christian God. It is in the Bible because that is the authority they quote.
My grandmother who was for all her life an ancestor worshipper was taken to church by a relative on the pretext of bringing her out for 'jalan-jalan'. And when she became bed-ridden when she fell, they brought a pastor to her home to baptise her!
Just like you, I too had been asked, and my answer to them: I was a Christian, and I probably know more than you, and I have very good reason to be a free-thinker. If you think and think even more and deeply, you will also one day arrive at the same conclusion as me! From that day onward, they stopped asking me and also stopped treating me as friend. So, you know what Christians are! They have a motive.

u acting like an idiot. so i can say all humans are idiots? u urself said, u was a christian, u know what is happening.

hi Spnw07
another way I can think of is to have a deal with him that everytime you go church with him, in return he has to attend a dharma talk with you in a monastery. If he agree, in a way, you will introduce buddhism to him, at least clarifying his doubts about buddhism coz probably he thought that buddhism means burning jossticks.

Originally posted by Spnw07:

I don't know where to ask this. Initially aunt agony column looks ok, but I want a Buddhist view and advice on the above concern, so...

Like I have mentioned in my first post in sgforums, my social circle comprises mainly of Christian friends. Not all invite me to church, but those that do, I want to decline them politely and for good.

And well, now the difficult part is, one of my relatives is a Christian (he's my cousin). He constantly asks me to go to church when I asks him questions regarding Christianity. I would have gone if not for the fact which he has mentioned before; his church are like most churches, very attentive to new faces and non-believers. Ie: They are very assertive and enthusiastic in introducing the Good News to non-believers.

I have already replied him many times that I'm now a Buddhist and intend to follow on with my faith. I also emphasised that one of my main purposes for learning about Christianity is to be able to make a difference some day in cultivating and strengthening inter-religious understanding, encourage more active participation and interaction among all followers of different religions in Singapore and eventually the rest of the world.

I really don't need the unnecessary attention and/or allow myself to face the almost unavoidable situation of having to explain in detail to Christians about why I don't want to become a Christian and why my current faith, Buddhism is not a false or wrong religion.

Please give me clear examples and important main points to say when declining such well-intentioned invitations.

I know that Christianity somehow seems to be natural and/or a favourite choice among many Singaporeans, of different educational backgrounds, professions and age groups. But more importantly, teenagers and working adults, especially those that speak mainly or only English at home. This means I can expect almost without a doubt, to be extended such invitations to church by strangers, acquaintances, friends and relatives for as long as I live.

The need to know how to politely refuse invitations of such nature in various ways, for different situations, has been for a long time, a high priority in my character, spiritual and religious cultivation.

Thank you for reading this long post.

1. Tell him that you want to and will believe that there is a God/his God but he has to show you proof and evidence that God / his God exists. It is only fair is it not? He wants you to believe, he has to come up with the proof and evidence.

2. Tell him that the proof and evidence you require must be real proof and evidence and you cannot accept what "other people say" as proof and evidence.

3. Tell him that you cannot accept what the Bible say because you do not believe in the Bible.

4. Tell him the proof you require is of a very high standard and you need to see God in action (not the David Copperfield kind).

5. Tell him you don't need to see God directly but he must show you proof and evidence of indisputable acts of God (not the Thaipusam kind, indirect and can be open to other interpretations).

6. Tell him you need independent proof and evidence and not subjective proof and evidence and that you don't trust your own feelings and imaginations.

Let him tell you anything he wants and at the end of it tell him, "Sorry, but I require proof and evidence of a high standard before I believe."

If he tells you "go and see" for yourself. remind him of point 6.

Every time he talks to you again, just tell him "I want to believe but have you come up with the proof and evidence I require?"

Dont wan, dont wan la.. why still ask, u wan me kill u is it ??

i treat my christian friends as the same as those MLMers. As long as they don't psycho me join their whatever stuffs like church, I will treat them as good friends de. I respect the christian religion, but i'm sorry I'm not your typical religious believer, and i preferred to be freethinker.

No, i do not want to burn my sundays or any days for any kind of god. No, i don't believe all non christians go to hell. No, I don't even care where I will be afterlife for eternity, I only care how am I going to live today and tomorrow.

Originally posted by justdoit77:

hi Spnw07
another way I can think of is to have a deal with him that everytime you go church with him, in return he has to attend a dharma talk with you in a monastery. If he agree, in a way, you will introduce buddhism to him, at least clarifying his doubts about buddhism coz probably he thought that buddhism means burning jossticks.

That is a good one actually....

but you can still 'lose out'... whereas a dharma talk is just a talk and nothing more, you will likely face a lot of social pressure (à la hard sell) in a church session, especially for a "lost" and "unsaved" soul. In short, your Christian friend will remain unmolested in a dharma talk, but the same cannot be said of you.

Oh and two weeks ago, a complete stranger, a lady in her 50s, approached my wife and invited her to a church.... in the female toilet! (of all places and of all time! )

i just go whatever religion places when invited .

I have been to many religion grounds .



even if u dun believe in jesus , just go .

church do allow non-christians .

I decline my invitation by showing them my middle finger.

Invite your cousins to buddhist temples to listen to zen stories.
If he reject, then tell him, you respect his choice.
And inform him to respect yours and not ask you to church anymore.
If he continues to get you to come along, stop speaking to him immediately.
If he con you to church, then you might as well avoid him totally.
If he ask. remind him of your request to respect your choice.

Originally posted by justdoit77:

hi Spnw07
another way I can think of is to have a deal with him that everytime you go church with him, in return he has to attend a dharma talk with you in a monastery. If he agree, in a way, you will introduce buddhism to him, at least clarifying his doubts about buddhism coz probably he thought that buddhism means burning jossticks.

hahaha... this is a good suggestion... he tells you to try for yourself how great God/his God is, you tell him to try first for himself and see how great Buddhism is... hahaha, good one...

Hi Spwn07,

I think it is no harm for you to attend church with your cousin for a few times. Firstly, you can treat it as an educational tour for you to understand why Christianity seems to be a favourite choice among young working adults.

Secondly, it can be a test of your own belief and your understanding of it. Attending sermons and make the comparisons, looking out for similiarities and differences, personally I find that it aids your own spiritual growth.

Thirdly, if after your visits, you really find that Christianity is not for you; or the church is not for you, then you can tell your cousin that you had been there and experienced and know that it is really not your cup of tea.

Fourthly, as mentioned by justdoit77, you can negotiate a trade off with your cousin. But as told by a friend of mine before, usually after you have attended church, when it's their time to go to a dhamma talk, they will have 'reasons' not to show up in the last minute. Ain't sure how true is it. Probably if you're using this method, you can make your cousin to attend dhamma talk first before you attend church with him.

Finally, or heed what sleepwalkering had said, "Thank you for the invitation, i am comfortable with mine."

Anyway, you need not be too concerned or bothered with whether or not to explain to people to what you believe. At the end of the day, it is more important that you really do know what you believe in. Have that confidence in yourself and ignore the ridicules. We can't please the whole world, at least, please ourselves.

There are various inspiring and touching testimonials that christians will give but nonetheless they are revolved around in believing that God has touched their lives. If that, in respect to the mental and spiritual sense, do give them comfort, I think it is really nothing wrong with it. But of course that doesn't mean that we allow them to push their opinion on us. And of course as buddhist don't believe in the existence of such a creator God, our confidence in the Dhamma shouldn't be shaken in any way. We understand that every results are due to cause and condition. So having a God pop out of nowhere doesn't quite tally with the principle of Dhamma.

On this onus, it will be our understanding and faith in the Dhamma that will pull us through. I also have quite a handful of friends who become christians and always tried to invite me to their churches.

I used to go churches on a regular and frequent basis few years back, on my own, not invited. It is quite a fruitful experience for me and I observed and learned that why people go to churches.

But anyhow, end of the day, don't be bothered by these little things in life. In life, there will be more important things to be worried and concerned about.

May you have fun in your spiritual quest =)

just say not interested.

just say dunwan lor

u can also go to chup the fun wat

Originally posted by Beyond Religion:

That is a good one actually....

but you can still 'lose out'... whereas a dharma talk is just a talk and nothing more, you will likely face a lot of social pressure (à la hard sell) in a church session, especially for a "lost" and "unsaved" soul. In short, your Christian friend will remain unmolested in a dharma talk, but the same cannot be said of you.

Oh and two weeks ago, a complete stranger, a lady in her 50s, approached my wife and invited her to a church.... in the female toilet! (of all places and of all time! )

Totally agree! That's precisely what made me ask down here for advice. Dharma talk where got pressure to join wan...

Originally posted by An Eternal Now:

Hmm... I think just say you are a committed Buddhist and thank them for the invitation... if you have went to churches b4 just tell them you went there b4. (have you?) I think they wouldn't insist after you tell them off a few times.

Tried liao, they say something like 'Every church is different'. Like that how to answer?

Originally posted by AndrewPKYap:

1. Tell him that you want to and will believe that there is a God/his God but he has to show you proof and evidence that God / his God exists. It is only fair is it not? He wants you to believe, he has to come up with the proof and evidence.

2. Tell him that the proof and evidence you require must be real proof and evidence and you cannot accept what "other people say" as proof and evidence.

3. Tell him that you cannot accept what the Bible say because you do not believe in the Bible.

4. Tell him the proof you require is of a very high standard and you need to see God in action (not the David Copperfield kind).

5. Tell him you don't need to see God directly but he must show you proof and evidence of indisputable acts of God (not the Thaipusam kind, indirect and can be open to other interpretations).

6. Tell him you need independent proof and evidence and not subjective proof and evidence and that you don't trust your own feelings and imaginations.

Let him tell you anything he wants and at the end of it tell him, "Sorry, but I require proof and evidence of a high standard before I believe."

If he tells you "go and see" for yourself. remind him of point 6.

Every time he talks to you again, just tell him "I want to believe but have you come up with the proof and evidence I require?"

Thanks for taking the time to write so much to guide me. But I hesitate to use point 6 cos I'm a Buddhist and if one day I want to invite ppl to dharma talk, people use the same tactic on me, hmm, a bit paiseh lah...

But appreciate what you've written.

Originally posted by Chin Eng:

just say not interested.

errr. you have no idea how obnoxious some x-tians can be...

Originally posted by Herzog_Zwei:

I decline my invitation by showing them my middle finger.

LOL. You WU Di. haha.

Originally posted by mistyblue:

Invite your cousins to buddhist temples to listen to zen stories.
If he reject, then tell him, you respect his choice.
And inform him to respect yours and not ask you to church anymore.
If he continues to get you to come along, stop speaking to him immediately.
If he con you to church, then you might as well avoid him totally.
If he ask. remind him of your request to respect your choice.

That's true. I told him right from the start if he try to be funny to con me to church, just one time and I will avoid him indefinitely.

But seriously, really don't want to come to that loh...He's the only cousin cum friend that I can talk to about religion...I can trust him somemore cos he not the very siong evangelistic type.

just say u prefer to go to hell rather than heaven....
that's where all non-Christians are going to end up rite??

Originally posted by cloud210:

i treat my christian friends as the same as those MLMers. As long as they don't psycho me join their whatever stuffs like church, I will treat them as good friends de. I respect the christian religion, but i'm sorry I'm not your typical religious believer, and i preferred to be freethinker.

No, i do not want to burn my sundays or any days for any kind of god. No, i don't believe all non christians go to hell. No, I don't even care where I will be afterlife for eternity, I only care how am I going to live today and tomorrow.

But what if your close friend is a Christian, then things might not be so simple liao...