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Maybe you can give some examples of in what way are you betrayed/manipulated/swindled? Or is it personal...
Some excerpts from http://buddhism.kalachakranet.org/anger.html
PATIENCE - THE MAIN ANTIDOTE
Patience is the main antidote to anger. As common wisdom says: just count to 100... During this time, any of the below methods can be effective. The most effective method will depend on the actual situation. Especially in our age of rush and intense change, patience may not be seen as a positive quality, but take a minute to think impatience can easily give rise to a general feeling of anger.
Patience is like a beautiful ornament. When you become a person with great patience, it brings a certain element of charm to your life. You are loved by others, and you give no problems to your friends. You bring an element of joy, happiness, and calmness to other people's lives - your friends, your family, and the community. You do not have to ask to be accepted; everyone longs for your presence. Everyone looks up to you and respects you, not because you have worked for that or expected it, not because you were competing for their favor, but simply because of the nature of patience. You are respected and trusted, and you acquire dignity with the practice of patience. When you are honored, it is with sincerity, and it is something you can live up to.
...Just hearing about patience does not mean you are experiencing it now or will easily develop it. To lay the ground for training the mind, you must first tame the mind. To tame the mind, it is extremely important to do the basic shamata [tranquility meditation, calm abiding] practice, which develops calmness and tranquility. Then you can add the practice of patience, understanding the benefits of patience and reminding yourself to take advantage of the available antidotes.
From Dharma Paths by Ven. Khenpo Karthar RinpocheHANDLING ANGER - APPLYING ANTIDOTES
Below is a summary of various approaches to anger. They obviously will be most efficient when used with a calm and concentrated mind, either during meditation or at the moment you realize that something needs to be done about your anger. Obviously, the problem during an actual difficult situation is to have a calm and concentrated mind - a regular meditation practice can be of great help then! One of the best ways to really make progress with understanding and changing the functioning of our own mind is to try out analytical meditation, combined with these clues, see also Meditation on Anger.
ANTIDOTE 1 - Patience.
Patience is the main antidote to anger. As common wisdom says: just count to 100... During this time, any of the below methods can be effective. The most effective method will depend on the actual situation. Especially in our age of rush and intense change, patience may not be seen as a positive quality, but take a minute to think impatience can easily give rise to a general feeling of anger.ANTIDOTE 2 - Realisation of the Noble Truth of Suffering.
Once one understands that problems and frustration is a basic fact of life, it can reduce our impatience with our own unrealistic expectations. In other words: nothing is perfect, so don't expect it.
Because of my belief that things are or can be perfect, it is easy to feel hurt.ANTIDOTE 3 - Understanding Karma.
As explained in the page on Karma, the real reasons for our problems are our own actions, which are in turn caused by our own negative states of mind. If someone makes us angry, it has a sobering effect if we dare to think that the real reasons for this situation are our own past actions, and the person is just a circumstance for our own karma to ripen.ANTIDOTE 4 - Changing or Accepting.
Basically, we can find ourselves in two types of unpleasant situations: ones we can change and ones we cannot change.
- If I can change the situation, I should do something about it instead of getting all worked-up and angry. Not acting in such a situation will cause frustration in the end.
- If I cannot change the situation, I will have to accept it. If I don't, it will only lead to frustration and a negative and unpleasant state of mind, which will make the situation only worse.
For some reasons unclear to me, Westerners (including myself) appear to have big problems with accepting unpleasant situations which we cannot change. Could this be a result of impatience (a form of anger) with imperfection (an unrealistic expectation)?
Do consider the wisdom in the following remarks (from an online discussion - forgot the writer.):"How does this effect my Buddhist practice?
It doesn't.
These reported events are like an arrow shot at my heart but it lands at my feet.
I choose not to bend over, pick it up, and stab myself with it."ANTIDOTE 5 - Realistic Analysis.
For example: someone accuses me of something.
- If it is true, I apparently made a mistake, so I should listen and learn.
- If it is untrue, the other person makes a mistake. So what? Nobody is perfect. I also make mistakes, and it is all too easy to label the other as "enemy", in which case a helpful discussion or forgiving becomes difficult.
It may also be worthwhile searching for the real underlying reason of the problem. Of special importance is to evaluate one's own role in the situation: my own fears, insecurity, being very unfriendly, or not being blameless (like leaving home much too late for an appointment and blaming the 5 minutes delay of the train).ANTIDOTE - Realisation of Emptiness.
See the page on Wisdom. To summarise it briefly, if one deeply realises the emptiness of inherent existence or interdependence of the other person, the situation and oneself, there is nothing to be angry about. The realisation of emptiness is therefore the ultimate means of ridding oneself of unrealistic negative emotions like anger.ANTIDOTE 7 - Equanimity.
Equanimity means that one realises the basic equality of all sentient beings; others want happiness, just like I do. Others make mistakes just like I do. Others are confused, angry, attached just like I often am. Is the other person happy in this situation, or just struggling like I am?ANTIDOTE 8 - Openness
Be prepared to be open for the motivation of others to do what causes you problems. Talking it over and being prepared to listen can suddenly make a problem acceptable.
Did you ever notice the difference when a plane or train has much delay and nobody gives any reasons for it? People very quickly become irritated and hostile. Then when the driver or pilot explains there is a technical defect or an accident, suddenly waiting becomes easier.ANTIDOTE 9 - Relativity.
Ask yourself if this situation is actually important enough to spoil your own and other people's mood. Is this problem worth getting upset in a life where death can hit me at any moment?ANTIDOTE 10 - Change Your Motivation.
In case a situation is really unacceptable, and another person needs to convinced that something is to be done or changed, there is no need to become upset and angry. It is likely much more efficient if you show of understanding and try to make the other understand the need for change. If one needs to appear angry for some reason to convince the other person of the seriousness of the situation, one can think like a parent acting wrathful to prevent the child from harming itself.
In general, to be really effective one needs to reflect on quite a number of aspects in one's own mind like; forgiveness, peace of mind, fears, self-acceptance (no acceptance of others is really possible without self-acceptance), habits, prejudices etc. A list of aspects to start with is given in the page about the mind, under the 26 non-virtuous mental factors.ANTIDOTE 11 - Watch Your Hands.
An interesting suggestion from Jon Kabat-Zinn, from 'Wherever You Go, There You Are':"All our hand postures are mudras in that they are associated with subtle or not-so-subtle energies. Take the energy of the fist, for instance. When we get angry, our hands tend to close into fists. Some people unknowingly practice this mudra a lot in their lives. It waters the seeds of anger and violence within you ever time you do it, and they respond by sprouting and growing stronger.
The next time you find yourself making fists out of anger, try to bring mindfulness to the inner attitude embodied in a fist. Feel the tension, the hatred, the anger, the aggression, and the fear which it contains. Then, in the midst of your anger, as an experiment, if the person you are angry at is present, try opening your fists and placing the palms together over your heart in the prayer position right in front of him. (Of course, he won't have the slightest idea what you are doing.) Notice what happens to the anger and hurt as you hold this position for even a few moments."ANTIDOTE 12 - Meditation.
Last, but certainly not least, meditation can be the ultimate cure to completely eliminating anger from your mind. In the beginning, one can do analytical meditations (like this meditation on anger), but also meditation on compassion, love and forgiving reduce anger as well. Ultimately, the realization of emptiness eradicates all delusions like anger.
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Just posted this in another topic:
Just now some thoughts arose and an emotion arose due to the arising of the egoic mind... immediately that was recognised (so mindfulness is very important) and released, and I could actually feel the tension in my chest area being released. Taking persons, situations and events in an impersonal manner feels really liberating! :D (btw does anyone have trouble viewing the list of emoticons on sgforums?)
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I think the key here is maintaining a mindful awareness (so that no thoughts, feelings and perceptions go unnoticed), and practice dropping the self, the attachment to all thoughts and perceptions moment to moment... and remain calm and thoughtless as far as possible. Be the space that allows whatever things or person to appear in, rather than (the thought of being a) 'person' facing lots of other 'persons'. My dharma teacher would give the example of people throwing arrows into empty space, whatever shoots up will only return to the ground because there is no where to land and so nothing can affect that space. This is easier said than done because of our ingrained tendency to react negatively to events and 'personalize' situations. But it can be done through gradual practice.
When we practice long enough we'll realise that the cause of anger or any emotion is not due to a person or an external event... but due to the ignorance of the "I"-thought.. giving rise to "personalization" of events -- i.e. thoughts "I am betrayed by him!" When this 'personalization' is dropped, there is an inner OK-ness with everything, but actions can still be done in this state to prevent further 'manipulation, betrayal, swindled.'
Edited by An Eternal Now 04 May `08, 12:43AM
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There are 8 persons to avoid betrayal of benefactors. If one commit one of them, one is sure to go hell after pass away.
1) Buddha
2) Arahart(Ariya)
3) Monk who has kept the Buddha rules and disciplines (Sangha)
4) Father
4) Mather
5) Relative of elder person
5) Teacher
6) One who save your life
7) One who support to your wealth
8) One who preaches the good things
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There are 8 persons to avoid betrayal of benefactors. If one commit one of them, one is sure to go hell after pass away.
1) Buddha
2) Arahart(Ariya)
3) Monk who has kept the Buddha rules and disciplines (Sangha)
4) Father
4) Mather
5) Relative of elder person
5) Teacher
6) One who save your life
7) One who support to your wealth
8) One who preaches the good things
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Dear both, thanks for the advice. But how do we exactly deal with unfaithfulness in marriage? How should we apply Buddhism? Dissolving the marriage is not an option...
Theoretically, I know that lots of good deeds must be done to redeem the sins. But it's frustrating that there's no end in sight to this agony - and I have to suffer for bad things I have unknowingly committed in the past.
People around me see me as obliging and patient. Sometimes, I feel that I am too forgiving. But if we don't forgive, how do we move on in life?
Seeking explanation from the other party... all my requests for an explantion have fallen onto deaf ears...
Can't wait to get out from this cycle of suffering...
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Originally posted by Renunciation04:
Dear both, thanks for the advice. But how do we exactly deal with unfaithfulness in marriage? How should we apply Buddhism? Dissolving the marriage is not an option...
Theoretically, I know that lots of good deeds must be done to redeem the sins. But it's frustrating that there's no end in sight to this agony - and I have to suffer for bad things I have unknowingly committed in the past.
People around me see me as obliging and patient. Sometimes, I feel that I am too forgiving. But if we don't forgive, how do we move on in life?
Seeking explanation from the other party... all my requests for an explantion have fallen onto deaf ears...
Can't wait to get out from this cycle of suffering...
My Buddhist knowledge is quite limited here; I thought maybe we should keep our minds open to all available options and not get attached a certain position?
Edited by jinsei 04 May `08, 9:46PM
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Originally posted by Renunciation04:
Dear both, thanks for the advice. But how do we exactly deal with unfaithfulness in marriage? How should we apply Buddhism? Dissolving the marriage is not an option...
Seek advice from a venerable?
Seek marriage counselling to work out the differences if both parties are willing?
佛心慧语(五十条)
一、人之所以痛苦，在于追求错误的东西。
二、与其说是别人让你痛苦，不如说自己的修养不够。
三、如果你不给自己烦恼，别人也永远不可能给你烦恼。因为你自己的内心，你放不下。
四、好好的管教你自己，不要管别人。
五、不宽恕众生，不原谅众生，是苦了你自己。
六、别说别人可怜，自己更可怜，自己修行又如何？自己又懂得人生多少？
七、学佛是对自己的良心交待，不是做给别人看的。
八、福报不够的人，就会常常听到是非；福报够的人，从来就没听到过是非。
九、修行是点滴的工夫。
十、在顺境中修行，永远不能成佛。
十一、你永远要感谢给你逆境的众生。
十二、你随时要认命，因为你是人。
十三、你永远要宽恕众生，不论他有多坏，甚至他伤害过你，你一定要放下，才能得到真正的快乐。
十四、这个世界本来就是痛苦的，没有例外的。
十五、当你快乐时，你要想，这快乐不是永恒的。当你痛苦时，你要想，这痛苦也不是永恒的。
十六、认识自己，降伏自己，改变自己，才能改变别人。
十七、今日的执着，会造成明日的后悔。
十八、你可以拥有爱，但不要执着，因为分离是必然的。
十九、不要浪费你的生命在你一定会后悔的地方上。
二十、你什么时候放下，什么时候就没有烦恼。
二一、内心没有分别心，就是真正的苦行。
二二、学佛第一个观念，永远不去看众生的过错。你看众生的过错，你永远污染你自己，你根本不可 能修行。
二三、你每天若看见众生的过失和是非，你就要赶快去忏悔，这就是修行。
二四、业障深重的人，一天到晚都在看别人的过失与缺点，真正修行的人，从不会去看别人的过失与 缺点。
二五、每一种创伤，都是一种成熟。
二六、当你知道迷惑时，并不可怜，当你不知道迷惑时，才是最可怜的。
二七、狂妄的人有救，自卑的人没有救。
二八、你不要一直不满人家，你应该一直检讨自己才对。不满人家，是苦了你自己。
二九、一切恶法，本是虚妄的，你不要太自卑你自己。一切善法，也是虚妄的，你也不要太狂妄你自 己。
三十、当你烦恼的时候，你就要告诉你自己，这一切都是假的，你烦恼什么？
三一、当你未学佛的时候，你看什么都不顺。当你学佛以后，你要看什么都很顺。
三二、你要包容那些意见跟你不同的人，这样子日子比较好过。你要是一直想改变他，那样子你会很痛苦。你要学 学怎样忍受他才是。你要学学怎样包容他才是。
三三、承认自己的伟大，就是认同自己的愚痴。
三四、修行就是修正自己错误的观念。
三五、医生难医命终之人，佛陀难渡无缘的众生。
三六、一个人如果不能从内心去原谅别人，那他就永远不会心安理得。
三七、心中装满着自己的看法与想法的人，永远听不见别人的心声。
三八、毁灭人只要一句话，培植一个人却要千句话，请你多口下留情。
三九、当你劝告别人时，若不顾及别人的自尊心，那么再好的言语都没有用的。
四十、不要在你的智慧中夹杂着傲慢。不要使你的谦虚心缺乏智慧。
四一、根本不必回头去看咒骂你的人是谁？如果有一条疯狗咬你一口，难道你也要趴下去反咬他一口 吗？
四二、忌妒别人，不会给自己增加任何的好处。忌妒别人，也不可能减少别人的成就。
四三、永远不要浪费你的一分一秒，去想任何你不喜欢的人。
四四、多少人要离开这个世间时，都会说出同一句话，这世界真是无奈与凄凉啊！
四五、恋爱不是慈善事业，不能随便施舍的。感情是没有公式，没有原则，没有道理可循的。可是人们至死都还在 执着与追求。
四六、请你用慈悲心和温和的态度，把你的不满与委屈说出来，别人就容易接受。
四七、创造机会的人是勇者。等待机会的人是愚者。
四八、能说不能行，不是真智慧。
四九、多用心去倾听别人怎么说，不要急着表达你自己的看法。
五十、同样的瓶子，你为什么要装毒药呢？同样的心理，你为什么要充满着烦恼呢?
Edited by Isis 04 May `08, 10:57PM
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HI guys does this mean betrayal?
I have a friend who has a teacher who saved his life and is his teacher, recently somethings happened and I heard that his teacher was doing somethings incorrectly and said something bad behind his back.
He sort of like talked bad things with other disciples and the other disciples also talked not nice things.
He also said some confidential things about my teacher to another person.
Does this mean betrayal?
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Originally posted by Forrest_Gump:
HI guys does this mean betrayal?
I have a friend who has a teacher who saved his life and is his teacher, recently somethings happened and I heard that his teacher was doing somethings incorrectly and said something bad behind his back.
He sort of like talked bad things with other disciples and the other disciples also talked not nice things.
He also said some confidential things about my teacher to another person.
Does this mean betrayal?
Here's what the Buddha said:
http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/dn/dn.31.0.ksw0.html
15. "Young man, be aware of these four enemies disguised as friends: the taker, the talker, the flatterer, and the reckless companion.
16. "The taker can be identified by four things: by only taking, asking for a lot while giving little, performing duty out of fear, and offering service in order to gain something.
17. "The talker can be identified by four things: by reminding of past generosity, promising future generosity, mouthing empty words of kindness, and protesting personal misfortune when called on to help.
18. "The flatterer can be identified by four things: by supporting both bad and good behavior indiscriminately, praising you to your face, and putting you down behind your back.
19. "The reckless companion can be identified by four things: by accompanying you in drinking, roaming around at night, partying, and gambling."
That is what the Buddha said.
20. Summing up in verse, the sublime teacher said:
"The friend who is all take,
The friend of empty words,
The friend full of flattery,
And the reckless friend;
These four are not friends, but enemies;
The wise understand this
And keep them at a distance
As they would a dangerous path."
21. "Young man, be aware of these four good-hearted friends: the helper, the friend who endures in good times and bad, the mentor, and the compassionate friend.
22. "The helper can be identified by four things: by protecting you when you are vulnerable, and likewise your wealth, being a refuge when you are afraid, and in various tasks providing double what is requested.
23. "The enduring friend can be identified by four things: by telling you secrets, guarding your own secrets closely, not abandoning you in misfortune, and even dying for you.
24. "The mentor can be identified by four things: by restraining you from wrongdoing, guiding you towards good actions, telling you what you ought to know, and showing you the path to heaven.
25. "The compassionate friend can be identified by four things: by not rejoicing in your misfortune, delighting in your good fortune, preventing others from speaking ill of you, and encouraging others who praise your good qualities."
That is what the Buddha said.
26. Summing up in verse, the sublime teacher said:
"The friend who is a helper,
The friend through thick and thin,
The friend who gives good counsel,
And the compassionate friend;
These four are friends indeed,
The wise understand this
And attend on them carefully,
Like a mother her own child.
The wise endowed with virtue
Shine forth like a burning fire,
Gathering wealth as bees do honey
And heaping it up like an ant hill.
Once wealth is accumulated,
Family and household life may follow.
By dividing wealth into four parts,
True friendships are bound;
One part should be enjoyed;
Two parts invested in business;
And the fourth set aside
Against future misfortunes."
Edited by An Eternal Now 05 May `08, 6:44PM
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Source: 道证法师
老娘的故事
目前的社会，婚姻的变化是很普遍的，很多人都因为自己的先生或者太太喜欢上别人，甚至离开了家庭感觉到很痛苦，内心很不甘愿。
被弃无怨，自得其乐！
我认识了一位老菩萨，大家都很尊敬她，称呼她—老娘。她是我所看到，唯一遇到婚姻的大变化—先生背叛她再娶别人，她却没有怨言的人，她的度量和慈悲，终于感化了她的先生，发出最后的忏悔，而她自己也一直过着清净、欢喜念佛的日子。我时常向一些被丈夫背叛而很哀怨的太太说老娘的故事，希望大家学习老娘，把心放宽、把眼光放远些，看清楚人生的真义，给自己快乐自在的生活。
慈护情敌，乃至情敌之子
老娘是一个很孝顺的人，她从两岁开始就懂得拿拖鞋给爸爸换。她结婚几年以后，她的先生就喜欢上另外一个女人，而且经常和那女人出去外面游玩，甚至都没有回来家里住，老娘从来不曾和她先生为这件事吵闹过一句话。她并不是哀怨地勉强忍耐，她是有智慧，知道吵闹并没有用，她有智慧能够放下忧愁、得自在，她很平静、安份守己地做自己应该做的工作，照顾孩子、种田，甚至赚钱维持生活。她的先生和那位新的女朋友（以下称为小姨），又生了一个孩子，不但如此，而且还把那个孩子，带回来丢在家里，他们两个又出去游玩！这种事情相信一般人遇到了都会很愤慨，没有办法忍耐。但是老娘看那个孩子没有人照顾很可怜，她就很慈悲地帮他喂奶，背着他出出入入做工作，甚至种田的时候也背着他去，不方便背的时候，就会用雨伞帮他遮好，放在好照顾的地方。全村的人看到老娘的行为都笑她是「世界上最愚蠢的人」，竟然会这么认真去照顾情敌仇人的孩子！但是老娘并没有那样想，老娘的心很清净、慈悲，她只是感觉孩子没有人照顾不行，就自己发心去照顾他，也不管他是什么人的孩子。老娘不是愚蠢，是大智大慈。
那个孩子一直到长大成人，都认为老娘就是他的亲生母亲，他甚至不敢相信，那位小姨才是自己的亲生妈妈。后来老娘的先生还把小姨带回来家里住，老娘也一直对他们很好，甚至她还帮小姨做月子，从来不曾说一句不欢喜或者生气的话。那位小姨后来得了一场病，做过开脑的手术以后变成了植物人，一直倒在床上，十多年都不省人事，老娘还去看她，牵着她的手，这位小姨虽然在半昏迷中，但也一直流眼泪，老娘还很慈悲为她念佛，心中都没有怨恨。
跪乳报恩的小羊
小姨的孩子是一个很优秀、有善根，而且很孝顺的人。他不但用心照顾变成植物人的妈妈，而且很孝顺带他长大的老娘。有一次我亲眼看到一幕，使我非常感动，那个孩子是已经在学校当老师，因为同事们的推荐，他领了台湾省「十大孝行奖」，他领奖之后就回来跪在老娘的身边，把奖送给老娘说：「这一切都是您给我的，我今天领了这个奖，还有奖金，一定要拿回来给您」。那个奖是用铜做的，一只小小的羊跪在羊妈妈的身边吃奶，我在旁边看着那个孩子跪在那里向老娘感恩，老娘拿着念珠一直念佛，笑得很慈祥，她的面容就是活菩萨的面容，我看得一直掉眼泪，感觉到世间真实无私的慈悲和佛心是最相应的。这是何等的念佛人，可以念出这种清净无私的心怀！实在讲，没有怨恨、内心清净快乐，也是过一生；很生气埋怨到死也是过一生。要选择那一种生活，就看我们的智慧和福报了。
我和烦恼，较不相应！（不念旧恶，不憎恶人）
老娘的先生，渐渐老了、也病了。当病重的时候，还是回到老娘的身边，接受老娘和女儿的照顾；老娘真是慈悲，她全然以平常心，无怨无尤地照顾背叛她多年的「浪子」，既无求于情感之弥补，也无幸灾乐祸，更无报复怨恨。她说：「我和烦恼，较不相应」，笑得洋溢出念佛人的清净智慧。八大人觉经说：「菩萨布施，等念怨、亲，不念旧恶，不憎恶人。」老娘没上学，没读过这本经，却很自然地做到了。〈注：等念怨亲，是平等护念「怨家」和「亲人」。〉
终于感动他回头念佛—忏悔：「我这辈子全错了！」
老娘的先生在七十几岁快要往生之前，他自己反省一生，就去向老娘说出他的忏悔。他跟老娘说：「我这一辈子完全错了，我真对不起你。」他忏悔：「我这一世人拢不对了了啊！（台语）」老娘听了只是很平静地笑笑说：「啊！说这些做什么呢？」，老娘的心真是开阔，完全没有什么不平、没有什么不甘愿、没有任何怨言，她很平静地接受先生的忏悔。这是何等的念佛人，可以念出慈悲，没有怨尤的心怀！她的先生又去阿弥陀佛的面前发露，说出自己的不对，请求阿弥陀佛慈悲原谅，接引他去西方极乐世界，就在他挚诚发露之后，念佛念不到几分钟，就很清楚明白地往生西方极乐世界。去为他助念的人说：「我们亲眼看到他由那张床，自己换到这张美容床，差不多十五分钟就清清楚楚念佛往生了。」
佛太了解「错误百出的我们」，大慈接引，终不舍弃
大慈大悲阿弥陀佛太了解我们凡夫是错误百出的，常常都是「归世人不对了了（台语）」—一辈子都错了。佛给我们最后临终真诚回心忏悔的机会—临终假如可以忏悔，念十声阿弥陀佛，真正发心想要去西方极乐世界，阿弥陀佛也不会舍弃，一样会来接引我们；就怕我们一向都放纵自己的感情和个性，总认为自己是对的，不知道回头忏悔念佛。
阿弥陀佛帮我“顾条条”—摄取不舍
有一次老娘生病行动不便，我去探望她，她笑得很可爱，又满足又充满信心告诉我说：「阿弥陀佛在我的嘴，阿弥陀佛在我的心」，她用台语说：「阿弥陀佛帮我顾条条。」（台音「顾条条」，原意是「顾得紧紧的」。）我以音会义，别解「顾条条」—也就是每一条都照顾，不论大条小条，没有一条照顾不到，这正是阿弥陀佛对我们的照顾。只有很老实、亲切念佛的人才可以体会到阿弥陀佛真是帮我们「顾条条」。她体会到了观无量寿佛经的经义：佛一一光明，遍照念佛众生，「摄取不舍」。
老娘每天大清早都要用自己种的花去供养佛，她说用自己种的花去供养佛，抬头一看，佛都笑咪咪的。
阿弥吃佛帮我顾条条—火灾也会熄
老娘的女儿，是慈济功德会委员。有一次，她到花莲开会，留老娘和一位基督教女友在家。忽然间，老娘接到女儿由花莲打来的电话，请老娘快到楼上的佛堂看一看。老娘莫名其妙，不知所以然，但也上楼去看。一看！吓一跳，佛桌的脚，和部份桌面都烧焦了，可见曾着过相当大的火，否则那种木料是不易燃着的。仔细看，原来火起自佛桌下字纸篓内，未全熄的火柴。而极不可思议的是，那火烧到佛像前，自动全熄了。那种景象，不但老娘感极而泣，顶礼感谢佛恩，连基督教的女友也惊异交加，情不自禁跪下来拜佛，流下眼泪。老娘告诉我这件事，还是感叹：
「阿弥陀佛真的都帮我顾条条！」
否则，她在家遇上火灾，也不知怎么办，她说：「念佛实在有够好！阿弥陀佛足好！」（台语）
她的女儿自己也不知道，为什么在花莲拜佛开会间，会忽然很急去打那电话，只能说：「感应道交难思议吧！」
当我们的心真正放下度化众生，放在念佛，自己的事就真的不用操心，阿弥陀佛会「顾条条」！
救山救海，保护地球
老娘已经八十二岁了，她每天还可以煮很好吃的菜，供养每一位有缘来到她家的人。她还很热心做环保，八十二岁的老人家不惜辛苦亲自去做，也领导大家做垃圾的分类。她的女儿告诉她说：「老娘你救山救海、保护地球，功德很大」。老娘就开玩笑说：「你们都一直这样夸奖我，让我一直做不完，也做不累。」
争赢的—赢得日后苦果
让人的—自得极乐佛果
有些表面上很平凡的人，内心却有不平凡的修养和功夫。一般人放不下、必需要计较的，她能放得下，可以让人；一般人忍得很痛苦的，她很平静又自在。一般人都喜欢相争，希望争取胜利赢一口气；事实上仔细观察，争赢的人并没有得到什么，除了得到不好的因果和日后的痛苦之外，实在没有什么可得啊！而看起来傻傻让给别人、输给别人的人，其实也没有失去什么；相反地，她（他）得到自在开阔的心，和佛性的慈悲快乐。
能吃大亏—佛道上占大便宜（福报无限）
我时常感觉，用不好的手段去争取一时表面上的胜利，时常会在佛道上吃了大亏！而能够吃大亏的人，时常是在佛道上占了大便宜，因为他得到了看破、放下的智慧，开发出自己的心量，他（她）的福报是无限的。
气「善变凡夫」，不如念「佛」（地狱和极乐之别）
说实在，会变心的凡夫实在不值得去忿恨，不如拿那个精神来念佛，念永远不变心的佛。如果把和凡夫相争的力量，拿来供养永不变心的佛，同样这一辈子结果会有天差地别。不只是天差地别，是地狱和极乐世界的差别，至于要选择什么？就看我们的智慧了。
没人规定，非痛苦不行
有一次有一位太太，因为她的先生有新的女朋友，她感觉到失去先生很悲哀、伤心，她每天都在哭诉，希望先生可以回来自己的身边。她感觉到先生是一种「没有就不行」的角色，失去先生她就感觉活不下去，又觉得很没面子，她哭了好几年还是在哭。事实上，是不是被先生抛弃就要痛苦一生呢？有一天我跟她说：「我们这些出家师父都没有先生，但是也都可以过得很好！像这位老娘她把先生让给别人，自己清净念佛，也可以过得很快乐、很自在。世界上并没有人规定，遇到婚姻的变化，就不痛苦不行啊！」
当下种乐因！（何必怨恨种苦因？）
一样的遭遇，这位老娘可以很清净欢喜念佛，心都没有怨恨，又可以圆满种种功德。为什么同样的境遇，我们必须要怨恨、骂一辈子，又哭一辈子呢？老娘以当下的平静快乐，种下快乐的因，以后必然得快乐的果；而怨恨哭骂的人，以当下痛苦又会种下痛苦的因，以后还是得苦果，你（你）愿意选择那一种呢？
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