'While watching a football game a couple weeks back, my wife and I were discussing life and death. I told her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

'She promptly got up, unplugged the TV and threw all my beer out the window!'

Boss and two employees find a rusty old lamp in the office. They polish it and 'poof', a genie appears. He gives them each a wish.

First employee, "I want to be 10 millions dollars richer and relaxing at home!" He disappears in a puff of smoke.

Second employee, "I want to be holidaying on a beach in Hawaii!" She disappears in a puff of smoke too.

Boss, "I want both of them back after lunch."

Originally posted by Kuali Baba:

Boss and two employees find a rusty old lamp in the office. They polish it and 'poof', a genie appears. He gives them each a wish.

First employee, "I want to be 10 millions dollars richer and relaxing at home!" He disappears in a puff of smoke.

Second employee, "I want to be holidaying on a beach in Hawaii!" She disappears in a puff of smoke too.

Boss, "I want both of them back after lunch."

cruel, very cruel....

Originally posted by Kuali Baba:

Boss and two employees find a rusty old lamp in the office. They polish it and 'poof', a genie appears. He gives them each a wish.

First employee, "I want to be 10 millions dollars richer and relaxing at home!" He disappears in a puff of smoke.

Second employee, "I want to be holidaying on a beach in Hawaii!" She disappears in a puff of smoke too.

Boss, "I want both of them back after lunch."

Originally posted by Kuali Baba:

Boss and two employees find a rusty old lamp in the office. They polish it and 'poof', a genie appears. He gives them each a wish.

First employee, "I want to be 10 millions dollars richer and relaxing at home!" He disappears in a puff of smoke.

Second employee, "I want to be holidaying on a beach in Hawaii!" She disappears in a puff of smoke too.

Boss, "I want both of them back after lunch."

You should always let the boss make the wish first.

A couple is lying in bed.

The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart...

A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish each.

The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline and cruise tickets in her hands.

The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...

Whoosh! Immediately he turned ninety!!!

Gotta love that fairy!

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.

One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane.

"I'm too young to die!" Then she yells, "Well if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! I have had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me feel like a woman! Well, I've had it. Is there anyone who can?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare riveted at the desperate woman at the front of the plane.

Then a Greek man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman", he purrs.

He is gorgeous. Tall, tanned, well built, with long flowing black hair and dark eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.

No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her. He extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers,

"Iron this."

one time there r 3 friends.. they all went to a well and there is a sign board which wrote, "jus run to the well and shout what u wan the most and it will come true."..

upoon curiosity, they wan to try it out..

the first person ran to the well and shout, "i want to be a millionaire.." then instantly he become very rich and walk away..

the second person ran to the well and shout, "i wan to be a the persident of US" then instantly, his phone rang and the united states council offer him the post as the president of US.

the third person ran towards the well but he's so unlucky and slip(banana skin).. then he shout, "CB AR!!" then he immediately turn into cb..

LOL!!

An American, an Englishman and an Irishman are working at the top of a tall building. They break for lunch and sit down with the luncboxes their wives prepared for them.

The American opens his lunchbox and sees a salad. Disgusted, he says, "Damn it! If my wife makes me a salad for lunch one more time I'm just going to jump off this building and kill myself!"

The Englishman opens his lunchbox and sees a ham sandwich. Equally sick, he exclaims, "If my wife makes me another sandwich for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building with you!"

The Irishman opens his lunchbox and sees chicken, which he is also tired of. He says, "Feckin' chicken! If me wife makes one more tomorrow, I'm genna to jump off of this building with ye lads!"

The next day, the American opens his lunchbox, sees a salad and jumps to his death. The Englishman opens his lunchbox, sees a ham sandwich and jumps too. The Irishman opens his lunchbox, sees the chicken and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral parlour, the American's wife goes up to speak. She weeps, "If I'd known he didn’t want a salad for lunch, I wouldn’t have made him any. I’d have chosen something else..." She leaves the podium crying.

The English wife gets up and sighs, "I didn't realise he hated sandwiches! I too would've chosen something else..." She also leaves the room in tears.

Everyone turns to look at the Irishman's wife, who then stands up to speak.

"Don't look at me like that! He makes his own lunch."

Originally posted by kikq:

An American, an Englishman and an Irishman are working at the top of a tall building. They break for lunch and sit down with the luncboxes their wives prepared for them.

The American opens his lunchbox and sees a salad. Disgusted, he says, "Damn it! If my wife makes me a salad for lunch one more time I'm just going to jump off this building and kill myself!"

The Englishman opens his lunchbox and sees a ham sandwich. Equally sick, he exclaims, "If my wife makes me another sandwich for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building with you!"

The Irishman opens his lunchbox and sees chicken, which he is also tired of. He says, "Feckin' chicken! If me wife makes one more tomorrow, I'm genna to jump off of this building with ye lads!"

The next day, the American opens his lunchbox, sees a salad and jumps to his death. The Englishman opens his lunchbox, sees a ham sandwich and jumps too. The Irishman opens his lunchbox, sees the chicken and jumps to his death also.

At the funeral parlour, the American's wife goes up to speak. She weeps, "If I'd known he didn’t want a salad for lunch, I wouldn’t have made him any. I’d have chosen something else..." She leaves the podium crying.

The English wife gets up and sighs, "I didn't realise he hated sandwiches I too would've chosen something else..." She also leaves the room in tears.

Everyone turns to look at the Irishman's wife, who then stands up to speak.

"Don't look at me like that! He makes his own lunch."

wicked

There once lived a staunch atheist. One day though his town is ravaged by a flood, and the water rises so high that he has to climb onto the roof of his house.

However the floodwaters continue to rise, and in his desperation he decides to give prayer a try. He mutters, "God, if you do exist, please save me!"

No sooner than he's finished a boat pulls up alongside him. The rescuers on the boat pleads with him to jump on board but he says, "Go away, I'm waiting for God to come and save me!"

The boat leaves, and soon the water is covering his feet. A rescue helicopter spots him and the rescuers lower a ladder to him. He also yells at them, "Go away, I'm waiting for God to come down and save me!"

The helicopter leaves, and the atheist gets swept away and drowns. He is taken up into heaven and he sees God for the first time. "Why didn't you save me when I asked you to?" he asks angrily.

The Lord replies, "I sent a boat and a helicopter to save you, what more did you want?"

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place."

So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After awhile, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.

One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"

Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God replies, "What??? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."

Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."

God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."

Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Originally posted by blahshit:

the third person ran towards the well but he's so unlucky and slip(banana skin).. then he shout, "CB AR!!" then he immediately turn into cb..

LOL!!

all so funny