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小木马

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  • nehpyh's Avatar
    1,076 posts since Apr '07
    • Ok peeps....

      I'm going to compose a new song here with the help of you peeps. I have not tot of the melody/tempo yet as I want the lyrics to lead the way...

      So it's gonna be in mandarin and initial concept by bro mos....working titties is called: 小木马

      Ok serious now. Here's the format. Just fill in the blanks. Here we go....

       

      小木马

      詞: Ah Mos, Ah Meltz, Ah Neh, Ah Midz, Ah Cud (and counting...)

      曲: Ah Neh

       

      Verse 1: (set the premise - good memories)

      骑着童年熟悉小木马 (ah mos)

      - - - - - - - - - -Remembering the good o'days with the ger??

      依稀梦里曾牵着你的手

      - - - - - - - - - -Describe the girl then, why you love her so?

      - - - - - - - - - -

       

      Chorus1: (the highlights)

      - - - - - - - - -

      - - - - - - - - -

      讓你和他遠走高飛 (ah neh)

      騎著木馬的我卻只能留 (還) 在原地 (ah neh)

      Alternative ending 1:

      小木马依然熟悉, 对你的爱已慢慢淡去..... (ah meltz - amended by ah mos)

      Alternative ending 2:

      Dan ni yi jing bu zhai wo sheng bian, Jiao wo ru he qu mian dui (Ah Midz)

      Alternative ending 3:

      风轻轻的吹着 雨细细的飘着 望着陈旧的小木马 只剩下你和我的回忆 (Ah Meltz)

      Alternative ending 4:

      chen jiu de mu ma qing qing de yao zhe, hui yi ye shui zhe xuan lu man man fu xian.

      wo xiang wang zhe dang nian wo men de nuo yan, jiu xiang tong nian tui mu ma de du ai (Ah Cud)

       

       

      Verse 2: (development)

      - - - - - - - - -What happeneded?

      - - - - - - - - -Describe the ger now? Why angry/fustrated, etc..?

      后悔当初松开你的手 没有陪你走完下半辈子 让你一个人孤单寂寞 (Ah Meltz)

      纵使诉不完的相思    天涯也心若咫尺 (Ah Mos)

       

       

      Tips: Try to decribe  moods/thoughts using an action, image, scene, analogy etc...try not to describe a mood with moods....In order to avoid cliches, we have to think creatively. E.g. 洋蔥

      Disclaimer: I reserve the rights to augment and make the final adjustment to the placement of the lyrics. I will duly credit and submit all the contributors should the song be signed by a record firm. Now, let's rock and roll!

      Edited by nehpyh 30 Apr `08, 4:22PM
  • ALL YOUR BASES ARE BELONG TO ME
    newcomer's Avatar
    6,116 posts since Apr '05
  • Moderator
    Should I still hope?
    laurence82's Avatar
    82,572 posts since Nov '03
    • lai lai, all come sarport

       

      sorry i cant fill in coz my chinese not good, must ask jur, fifi they all

  • the male yellow bunny
    cuddles's Avatar
    1,050 posts since Dec '04
    • reserved

      chen jiu de mu ma qing qing de yao zhe, hui yi ye shui zhe xuan lu man man fu xian.

      wo xiang wang zhe dang nian wo men de nuo yan, jiu xiang tong nian tui mu ma de du ai

       

      sorry ah.. company dun have chinese writing software.. not even windows language bar.. this is my first try.. just for fun~ don't mind my noob words..

      English for understanding.

      the old wooden horse swayed silently, the nostagic past seems to appear in front of me.

      I looked forward to our promise, just like our once innocent love for the wooden horse.

      Edited by cuddles 30 Apr `08, 11:17AM
  • nehpyh's Avatar
    1,076 posts since Apr '07
  • Moderator
    Should I still hope?
    laurence82's Avatar
    82,572 posts since Nov '03
  • Mospeada's Avatar
    43,730 posts since Feb '03
  • Mospeada's Avatar
    43,730 posts since Feb '03
    • Originally posted by nehpyh:

      小木马

      Verse 1: (set the premise)

      依稀梦里曾牵着你的手    骑着那童年熟悉小木马 (ah mos)

      - - - - - - - - - -

      - - - - - - - - - -

      - - - - - - - - - -

      Chorus1: (the highlights)

      - - - - - - - - -

      - - - - - - - - -

      讓你和他遠走高飛 (ah neh)

      騎著木馬的我卻只能留 (還) 在原地 (ah neh)

      Verse 2: (development)

      - - - - - - - - -

      - - - - - - - - -

      - - - - - - - - -

      - - - - - - - - -

      讓你和他遠走高飛 (ah neh)

      騎著木馬的我卻只能留 (還) 在原地 (ah neh)

      are we supposed to sing out the ah neh?

  • nehpyh's Avatar
    1,076 posts since Apr '07
    • Originally posted by Mospeada:

      讓你和他遠走高飛 (ah neh)

      騎著木馬的我卻只能留 (還) 在原地 (ah neh)

      are we supposed to sing out the ah neh?

      Die kok stand!!! Sianz....

       

       

      NO LAR>>>>>!!!!

       

  • Mospeada's Avatar
    43,730 posts since Feb '03
    • ah neh...if u put the 2nd verse 1st...the feel of the entire song is changed liao leh..

      it becomes more like a children song liao

  • Mospeada's Avatar
    43,730 posts since Feb '03
  • meltz's Avatar
    19,198 posts since Sep '04
  • nehpyh's Avatar
    1,076 posts since Apr '07
    • Originally posted by Mospeada:

      if u want to put the second verse first...it should be

      骑着童年熟悉小木马

      ok amended.

      I like that topic sentence...it gives a good intro and premise of the song's background.

      We need character development now...think think think..lol!

  • pigsticker's Avatar
    2,660 posts since Jan '08
  • Midlusionz's Avatar
    860 posts since Mar '07
  • nehpyh's Avatar
    1,076 posts since Apr '07
  • meltz's Avatar
    19,198 posts since Sep '04
  • nehpyh's Avatar
    1,076 posts since Apr '07
    • Originally posted by meltz:

      actually 小木马 is what song ?? i dont know

      It will be an original!!!! However, instead of the melody, let's drive the lyrics first.

  • ALL YOUR BASES ARE BELONG TO ME
    newcomer's Avatar
    6,116 posts since Apr '05
  • Mospeada's Avatar
    43,730 posts since Feb '03
    • 纵使诉不完的相思

      天涯也心若咫尺

      Edited by Mospeada 30 Apr `08, 11:24AM
  • Midlusionz's Avatar
    860 posts since Mar '07
  • meltz's Avatar
    19,198 posts since Sep '04
    • 风轻轻的吹着 雨细细的飘着 望着陈旧的小木马 只剩下你和我的回忆

      Edited by meltz 30 Apr `08, 11:25AM
  • nehpyh's Avatar
    1,076 posts since Apr '07
    • Originally posted by Mospeada:

      纵使诉不完的相思

      天涯也心若咫尺

      Bro, we need  more images, scenerio to illustrate what you just said....are there any actions, images to exemplify it?

      Edited by nehpyh 30 Apr `08, 11:27AM
  • Midlusionz's Avatar
    860 posts since Mar '07
  • Mospeada's Avatar
    43,730 posts since Feb '03
    • Originally posted by nehpyh:

      Bro, we need  more images, scenerio to illustrate what you just said....are there any actions, images to exemply it?

      ohh...

      the 2 verses

      tho we have many things to tell each other

      we may be at each corner of the world, but our heart bond us tight

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