All males in the world unite. We have some serious business.
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It has been brought to my attention that today, not only females suffer from sexual assaults, but even males experience similar mishaps. The only reason behind this recent trend? Gay men. Those trouble-makers. Those sexually-challenged beings with a sexual identity crisis. Now, if you find yourself saying "I would rather take the most brutal physical assault that has been ever dished out than to be reamed in the ass", you are damn right buddy! Absolutely. I would jolly well rather have my teeth knocked out and my eyes blinded, but no way am I having anything going into my rear opening. Hell, even homework is a better option than to receive an exclusive treatment of butt rape. That being said, it has become my responsibility to prevent this unhealthy atrocity from rearing its ugly head and me being your saviour in times of need, I have taken the liberty to compile a comprehensive list of precautions to take to avoid getting a sore asshole.
1) Always stay away from guys with fringes longer than your wee wee.
This is a very simple precaution to take. When you see any guy (both familiar and unfamiliar; I warn you) with some freaking long locks, that is a fairly good indication that you should keep your distance from him. Like if you ever had the misfortune of walking into the old Hanson brothers, you should know better than to get any closer to them. Dash as quickly as possible in the opposite direction if you value your sub-virginity. Now, I know that not all guys with long hair are homosexuals, but this is merely for good measure. Just avoid them completely to really be on the safe side. Would you want to hang around an unscrupulous-looking hermaphrodite, who could possibly be a potential attacker? Not if you want your asshole to remain intact after a night long's party. I would not risk it either.
2) Bring a pitbull wherever you go. The pitbull will have its teeth sinked in your attacker's meaty ass cheeks before the latter can even get out his lubricant for any erotic atrocity.
3) Butt plugs! Butt plugs! Butt plugs!
I cannot emphasize enough on this method. All you have to do is search for small articles (which should not be difficult, just look around on your office desk) and shove them up your ass! JUST CLOG IT UP, YOU SKANKY SON OF A BITCH! You can use marbles, cigarette buds or even Mentos tubes -- whatever the hell suits you! I would recommend baby pacifiers though. They are pretty compatible with the delicate insides of your rectum linings, yet fashionably hip. The good thing about this method is it is fool-proof. The reasoning is simple. If your rectum is occupied, there is no chance in hell any foreign object (read: a penis) is reaming its way into your cornhole. End of story. If you like sadomasochism, please proceed to 4) and for those who are not utterly comfortable with the idea of having extraneous objects in a peculiar location in your body, proceed to 5).
4) The I-will-bite-your-penis-off method.
This precaution is for heavy duty purposes only. For instance, if you have been continuously stalked by a gay man for quite some time now and you have finally decided to end his self-satisfying escapades, then try using the I-will-bite-your-penis-off method. The IWBYPO in short. This is fairly elementary as well. Wear a strip of double-sided tape lined with little razor-sharp teeth around your anus (so that an aerial view of your anus would resemble a mouth, kind of) and start luring your stalker! Because if you have a stalker, chances are big that he will eventually ass-rape you. Anticipate that moment and once he is in, contract your sphincter muscles! Game over. His penis would have been detached from the razor-sharp teeth slicing through his erectile muscles and urethra. If you dislike the tingling sensation of a decapitated dick being in your rectum, you may sh*t it out.
5) The pole-in-the-pool method.
That is right. Let me make it less ambiguous -- it means pulling your penis back and stuffing it in your asshole. Nothing fancy, same old concept as butt-plugging.
6) Just oppose the force!
If all of the above fail, do not worry -- there is still a last resort to bail you out in the aforementioned situation. Just oppose the force! To break it down into simple terms for the slow, it means sh*tting out every time your attacker inserts his stick. That would be adequate to force him out of your cornhole. Never oppose the opposite direction though, you would not want to pull him back into you. You would want to expell him like a log of sh*t. If you do this often enough, your attacker would eventually give up and probably bitch-slap you in the end. Who cares? Remember, anything is better than involuntary sex with a man. If you lack confidence in this method, you can always plan out a practice routine using Aladdin's ice-cream cones. Be careful not to crunch.
At this point, you should be pretty familiar on how to defend yourself against a male rapist. Never, I repeat, never lose your guard in a place filled with men like the army training camp or prison (this one is tough). You never know what could possibly happen but things do happen. Things much worse than your worst nightmares. I have issued you a fair warning. -
comments?
and dont say "at least pls say where u copy and paste from", i wrote it in about 2 hours -
where you copy it from??
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You must have had a lousy day today.
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wow...that is good engrish from a retarded moron
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oh dear... who butt Fucked u to motivate u to write this article? u poor thing. i bet u need diapers now...
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i just had lotsa time in my hands.. hahaa.. kinda whipped up an article.. TRIED to incorporate humour.. dunno if its noticeable
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wow no wonder u are called retarded moronic bo liao kia
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Fucking homofreaks.
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so have u washed the sperm out of your Ass yet? but look on the bright side... at least u won't get pregnant.Originally posted by RETARDED_MORON:i just had lotsa time in my hands.. hahaa.. kinda whipped up an article.. TRIED to incorporate humour.. dunno if its noticeable -
I think i've lost my appetite.
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umm, not that i'm gay but, don't discriminate against gays. they are humans too. Be more sensible/sensitive, not everyone is born straight, not everyone is perfect, god too isn't perfect, you can't expect for everything he creates to be prefect, if that's so, the world would be so chirpy, there would be lesser problems but, that's not the world that exists. But judging by your nick name: RETARDED_MORON, i see why you aren't that bright, so um, here's the moral of this Reply:Originally posted by RETARDED_MORON:It has been brought to my attention that today, not only females suffer from sexual assaults, but even males experience similar mishaps. The only reason behind this recent trend? Gay men. Those trouble-makers. Those sexually-challenged beings with a sexual identity crisis. Now, if you find yourself saying "I would rather take the most brutal physical assault that has been ever dished out than to be reamed in the ass", you are damn right buddy! Absolutely. I would jolly well rather have my teeth knocked out and my eyes blinded, but no way am I having anything going into my rear opening. Hell, even homework is a better option than to receive an exclusive treatment of butt rape. That being said, it has become my responsibility to prevent this unhealthy atrocity from rearing its ugly head and me being your saviour in times of need, I have taken the liberty to compile a comprehensive list of precautions to take to avoid getting a sore asshole.
1) Always stay away from guys with fringes longer than your wee wee.
This is a very simple precaution to take. When you see any guy (both familiar and unfamiliar; I warn you) with some freaking long locks, that is a fairly good indication that you should keep your distance from him. Like if you ever had the misfortune of walking into the old Hanson brothers, you should know better than to get any closer to them. Dash as quickly as possible in the opposite direction if you value your sub-virginity. Now, I know that not all guys with long hair are homosexuals, but this is merely for good measure. Just avoid them completely to really be on the safe side. Would you want to hang around an unscrupulous-looking hermaphrodite, who could possibly be a potential attacker? Not if you want your asshole to remain intact after a night long's party. I would not risk it either.
2) Bring a pitbull wherever you go. The pitbull will have its teeth sinked in your attacker's meaty ass cheeks before the latter can even get out his lubricant for any erotic atrocity.
3) Butt plugs! Butt plugs! Butt plugs!
I cannot emphasize enough on this method. All you have to do is search for small articles (which should not be difficult, just look around on your office desk) and shove them up your ass! JUST CLOG IT UP, YOU SKANKY SON OF A BITCH! You can use marbles, cigarette buds or even Mentos tubes -- whatever the hell suits you! I would recommend baby pacifiers though. They are pretty compatible with the delicate insides of your rectum linings, yet fashionably hip. The good thing about this method is it is fool-proof. The reasoning is simple. If your rectum is occupied, there is no chance in hell any foreign object (read: a penis) is reaming its way into your cornhole. End of story. If you like sadomasochism, please proceed to 4) and for those who are not utterly comfortable with the idea of having extraneous objects in a peculiar location in your body, proceed to 5).
4) The I-will-bite-your-penis-off method.
This precaution is for heavy duty purposes only. For instance, if you have been continuously stalked by a gay man for quite some time now and you have finally decided to end his self-satisfying escapades, then try using the I-will-bite-your-penis-off method. The IWBYPO in short. This is fairly elementary as well. Wear a strip of double-sided tape lined with little razor-sharp teeth around your anus (so that an aerial view of your anus would resemble a mouth, kind of) and start luring your stalker! Because if you have a stalker, chances are big that he will eventually ass-rape you. Anticipate that moment and once he is in, contract your sphincter muscles! Game over. His penis would have been detached from the razor-sharp teeth slicing through his erectile muscles and urethra. If you dislike the tingling sensation of a decapitated dick being in your rectum, you may sh*t it out.
5) The pole-in-the-pool method.
That is right. Let me make it less ambiguous -- it means pulling your penis back and stuffing it in your asshole. Nothing fancy, same old concept as butt-plugging.
6) Just oppose the force!
If all of the above fail, do not worry -- there is still a last resort to bail you out in the aforementioned situation. Just oppose the force! To break it down into simple terms for the slow, it means sh*tting out every time your attacker inserts his stick. That would be adequate to force him out of your cornhole. Never oppose the opposite direction though, you would not want to pull him back into you. You would want to expell him like a log of sh*t. If you do this often enough, your attacker would eventually give up and probably bitch-slap you in the end. Who cares? Remember, anything is better than involuntary sex with a man. If you lack confidence in this method, you can always plan out a practice routine using Aladdin's ice-cream cones. Be careful not to crunch.
At this point, you should be pretty familiar on how to defend yourself against a male rapist. Never, I repeat, never lose your guard in a place filled with men like the army training camp or prison (this one is tough). You never know what could possibly happen but things do happen. Things much worse than your worst nightmares. I have issued you a fair warning.
BE MORE SENSITIVE, NOT EVERYONES LIKE EVERYONE,
i strongly believe that if all christians or let alone people in general practice what they preach, the world would be a much better place, a much much much better place. -
I was drawn in my the title. I was drawn out by the nick. -
Hahahahahahah!
I caught the humour of it all... haha..
But really, if you want to warn us about it...you're going about it the wrong way dood.
hahahha.. -
So Brudder, now you are in the real world
What took you so long... but I guess you're a slow learner...
When confronted in such situation, what the chances to be that well prepared and the chances you are having self doubts, shock and disgust?
Same goes for female rape cases and also men who like anal sex.
Do some research before sprouting stuff here. What's most effective is to appear like a moron and people in general will keep a mile from you so there is no chance of any bodily contact.
I have horrible people who send me one of the most gross rape pictures. Its an indian lady lying by the side of the road dead staring at the camera. Her clothes are torn apart and she's been obviously raped. Whats the grossest thing was that her head was cracked open and her brains was juiced onto the road. You can see the flat part of her skull where the brain rests on. You can even read about how people, real serial rapist plan rapes online and some gross sites in russia/eastern europe show pictures and children being tormented.
Brudder, maybe its just all fun and joy for you to type 2 hrs about all this nonsense but the seriousness of such a thing cannot be taken lightly. But I doubt very much you care and until that day where you are violated, you might not think this is all that funny. But maybe you have the fantasy that your dad rape you isn't it? BTW brudder, try not to skip your prozac medication. -
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What the fuck is this? All my gay friends all have short hair ffs haha. Get ur freakin facts right bimbo male dude. I'll beat u up next and i am no gay or girl/Originally posted by RETARDED_MORON:It has been brought to my attention that today, not only females suffer from sexual assaults, but even males experience similar mishaps. The only reason behind this recent trend? Gay men. Those trouble-makers. Those sexually-challenged beings with a sexual identity crisis. Now, if you find yourself saying "I would rather take the most brutal physical assault that has been ever dished out than to be reamed in the ass", you are damn right buddy! Absolutely. I would jolly well rather have my teeth knocked out and my eyes blinded, but no way am I having anything going into my rear opening. Hell, even homework is a better option than to receive an exclusive treatment of butt rape. That being said, it has become my responsibility to prevent this unhealthy atrocity from rearing its ugly head and me being your saviour in times of need, I have taken the liberty to compile a comprehensive list of precautions to take to avoid getting a sore asshole.
1) Always stay away from guys with fringes longer than your wee wee.
This is a very simple precaution to take. When you see any guy (both familiar and unfamiliar; I warn you) with some freaking long locks, that is a fairly good indication that you should keep your distance from him. Like if you ever had the misfortune of walking into the old Hanson brothers, you should know better than to get any closer to them. Dash as quickly as possible in the opposite direction if you value your sub-virginity. Now, I know that not all guys with long hair are homosexuals, but this is merely for good measure. Just avoid them completely to really be on the safe side. Would you want to hang around an unscrupulous-looking hermaphrodite, who could possibly be a potential attacker? Not if you want your asshole to remain intact after a night long's party. I would not risk it either.
2) Bring a pitbull wherever you go. The pitbull will have its teeth sinked in your attacker's meaty ass cheeks before the latter can even get out his lubricant for any erotic atrocity.
3) Butt plugs! Butt plugs! Butt plugs!
I cannot emphasize enough on this method. All you have to do is search for small articles (which should not be difficult, just look around on your office desk) and shove them up your ass! JUST CLOG IT UP, YOU SKANKY SON OF A BITCH! You can use marbles, cigarette buds or even Mentos tubes -- whatever the hell suits you! I would recommend baby pacifiers though. They are pretty compatible with the delicate insides of your rectum linings, yet fashionably hip. The good thing about this method is it is fool-proof. The reasoning is simple. If your rectum is occupied, there is no chance in hell any foreign object (read: a penis) is reaming its way into your cornhole. End of story. If you like sadomasochism, please proceed to 4) and for those who are not utterly comfortable with the idea of having extraneous objects in a peculiar location in your body, proceed to 5).
4) The I-will-bite-your-penis-off method.
This precaution is for heavy duty purposes only. For instance, if you have been continuously stalked by a gay man for quite some time now and you have finally decided to end his self-satisfying escapades, then try using the I-will-bite-your-penis-off method. The IWBYPO in short. This is fairly elementary as well. Wear a strip of double-sided tape lined with little razor-sharp teeth around your anus (so that an aerial view of your anus would resemble a mouth, kind of) and start luring your stalker! Because if you have a stalker, chances are big that he will eventually ass-rape you. Anticipate that moment and once he is in, contract your sphincter muscles! Game over. His penis would have been detached from the razor-sharp teeth slicing through his erectile muscles and urethra. If you dislike the tingling sensation of a decapitated dick being in your rectum, you may sh*t it out.
5) The pole-in-the-pool method.
That is right. Let me make it less ambiguous -- it means pulling your penis back and stuffing it in your asshole. Nothing fancy, same old concept as butt-plugging.
6) Just oppose the force!
If all of the above fail, do not worry -- there is still a last resort to bail you out in the aforementioned situation. Just oppose the force! To break it down into simple terms for the slow, it means sh*tting out every time your attacker inserts his stick. That would be adequate to force him out of your cornhole. Never oppose the opposite direction though, you would not want to pull him back into you. You would want to expell him like a log of sh*t. If you do this often enough, your attacker would eventually give up and probably bitch-slap you in the end. Who cares? Remember, anything is better than involuntary sex with a man. If you lack confidence in this method, you can always plan out a practice routine using Aladdin's ice-cream cones. Be careful not to crunch.
At this point, you should be pretty familiar on how to defend yourself against a male rapist. Never, I repeat, never lose your guard in a place filled with men like the army training camp or prison (this one is tough). You never know what could possibly happen but things do happen. Things much worse than your worst nightmares. I have issued you a fair warning. -
You got it wrong. I did not discriminate against gay guys. I discriminate against gay male rapists.Originally posted by 14_boy:umm, not that i'm gay but, don't discriminate against gays. they are humans too. Be more sensible/sensitive, not everyone is born straight, not everyone is perfect, god too isn't perfect, you can't expect for everything he creates to be prefect, if that's so, the world would be so chirpy, there would be lesser problems but, that's not the world that exists. But judging by your nick name: RETARDED_MORON, i see why you aren't that bright, so um, here's the moral of this Reply:
BE MORE SENSITIVE, NOT EVERYONES LIKE EVERYONE,
i strongly believe that if all christians or let alone people in general practice what they preach, the world would be a much better place, a much much much better place. -
On the issue of butt plugs...
I don't think there are really useful, because:
1) Unless you glue the object to your hole, your attacker will definitely remove it before making his move. Who would be so dumb as to blindly ram a hole without checking it first?
2) No matter what you put into your hole, it will be 'sucked' back into the large intenstines and pass out as sh*t. I'm sure those who had used before the 'white bullet' to solve bowel problems will know what I mean.
I personally feel that a chasity belt would be more useful -->
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Only flaw would be the rapist can snip the belt line off anytime.Originally posted by verloren:On the issue of butt plugs...
I don't think there are really useful, because:
1) Unless you glue the object to your hole, your attacker will definitely remove it before making his move. Who would be so dumb as to blindly ram a hole without checking it first?
2) No matter what you put into your hole, it will be 'sucked' back into the large intenstines and pass out as sh*t. I'm sure those who had used before the 'white bullet' to solve bowel problems will know what I mean.
I personally feel that a chasity belt would be more useful --> -
If u r tt paranoid.. Den go back to the victorian times.. get an iron chastity belt with a lock.. rem to change ur pants size by +6 inches..
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RETARDED_MORON, personally, i think that you picked a good nickname. my list of idiots has lengthened.
Gay = troublemakers? bulldung, how do they create trouble? go door-to-door asking for services? or they wait at void decks to find targets?
u think the gays so cheap? anyhow rape ppls ar? they respect heterosexual men. they dun go around and rape. instead, they will find their kind and u know what. or else, they will pay u for service. for your info, i'm not in anyway involved in their movements.
gays have long fringe? i dun think so. for as long as i live, i seen more gays have neatly trimmed hair than long fringe. btw, i'm going to keep long fringe, pls stay away from me, if u ever know me and see me.
i used to post stupid topics when i 1st joined this forum, but i think u beat me over this. -
hey brother... relax a bit laa.. just reread what u have just said, and compare it to what I have written above.. u said that i claim that all gay men are troublemakers... not true, i said it is better to keep away from gay men because they "could possibly be a potential attacker".. with the emphasis on "possibly".. which means not all gay men are trouble makers...Originally posted by skyfoo:RETARDED_MORON, personally, i think that you picked a good nickname. my list of idiots has lengthened.
Gay = troublemakers? bulldung, how do they create trouble? go door-to-door asking for services? or they wait at void decks to find targets?
u think the gays so cheap? anyhow rape ppls ar? they respect heterosexual men. they dun go around and rape. instead, they will find their kind and u know what. or else, they will pay u for service. for your info, i'm not in anyway involved in their movements.
gays have long fringe? i dun think so. for as long as i live, i seen more gays have neatly trimmed hair than long fringe. btw, i'm going to keep long fringe, pls stay away from me, if u ever know me and see me.
i used to post stupid topics when i 1st joined this forum, but i think u beat me over this.
oh and i refer to your mockery on my nickname... if u are trying to ridicule me with my self-proclaimed (read: this is on my own will) nickname, spare me your incessant insults... i have heard it all.. cut the pep-talks pls -
BUMP
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