ST, Aug 19, 2006
Why he has stopped being chivalrous

IT IS no secret that much has been said about Singapore men lacking in chivalry. It is also no secret as to which gender the accusers belong.

I agree that some men are indeed lacking in chivalry. To a certain extent, this would include yours truly.

I am 37 years of age and was, in my earlier years, full of this so-called 'chivalry'. I had believed very strongly in this quality and had no bias regarding the age, race, nationality and gender of those shown this 'chivalry'.

Sadly, that was in the past.

This quality in me has 'died'. After years of giving up my seats to those in need (mostly the old and pregnant women); holding doors open for folks passing through after me (mostly women); helping to retrieve articles for people who had dropped them (again, mostly women), I regret to say that only a handful of these people whom I had shown such basic courtesy had smiled and said 'Thank you!' (mostly men).

Most of the women simply walked away either as if nothing had happened or with a facial expression that seemed to imply I had done or said something rude to them.

All I had done was something most would describe as either chivalrous or courteous.

Well, I certainly know why I hesitate to be chivalrous to the 'fairer sex' these days.

Alex Tan Li Er

Well , u are in SG.. n the women there expects it without even saying thank you.

U can stop being chivalry or continuing being urself is up to you. In the end of the day , do u get absorbed into the masses or still remaining true to your nature.

i am surprised the author could be bothered.

Originally posted by dragg:

i am surprised the author could be bothered.

a real gentleman wouldnt be bothered by it that much…

Originally posted by SingaporeMacross:

a real gentleman wouldnt be bothered by it that much...

cannot say that. a gentleman is still a human being with emotions.

if you live to be 37, then maybe you will think differently.

Different people can do the same thing, but experience vastly different results and reactions from other people. We are shaped by our experiences and hopefully you experience better treatment than the writer of the article above.

no people will thank de lor. i will always try to rmb to thank someone who do it. because i know nobody thanking will make him feel v sian

It’s nice to be acknowledged. We are not doormen, don’t take us for granted.

I think if you want to do good things, you should not hanker after any reward or complement. Goodness just is; it needs no excuse nor reason.

Originally posted by dakkon_blackblade:

I think if you want to do good things, you should not hanker after any reward or complement. Goodness just is; it needs no excuse nor reason.

well said

LOL this is so true. I suddenly realise I'm not as courteous as I was.

Originally posted by dakkon_blackblade:

I think if you want to do good things, you should not hanker after any reward or complement. Goodness just is; it needs no excuse nor reason.

That's still okay. But if people give you black face?

Originally posted by ne0matrix:

That's still okay. But if people give you black face?

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Not saying thank you is one thing but giving u tat funny look like saying what the hell u do tat for when yah open the door.

that time i saw one guy open door and he help on the door for a while longer to let people in. but when my turn he let go and the door almost shut on me.
and i gave him THAT LOOK.

nope, i appreciate it..

and i always either smile or say thank you..or both

Being nice becos u want people to appreciate you ... is a petty, calculative person trying to be someone he's not.

Being nice becos u just wish to feel good that u did something nice, regardless of what other people say/do.... is our nice average person who just wish to put in an effort

Being nice without even needing to think about what you did, and dont even remember once you've done it... well that's the rare soul for whom goodness is second nature.

Its hard to be the last one, needs effort to be 2nd. But if you are the first, you are just wasting people's time and your own, cos you will ALWAYS be constantly disappointed that your kindness is rarely reciprocated. I rather people like this dont try... cos if they dont try.. they are just NOT nice... than end up bitter and being NOT NICE and saying it's everyone else's fault for their own inadequacy.

repeat post

Originally posted by BadzMaro:

Well , u are in SG.. n the women there expects it without even saying thank you.

which is why i always think sg women are very shallow and stupid. they think they are queen of the universe. they want money from a man but act as thought love and fresh air can sustain them. they are material, horny, selfish yet want people to think they're angels.

me? i am chivalrous to any pregnant lady or elderly i see. but if a lady tries to go into the cab i flag down i would push her away and i wouldn't think twice if she falls and hurt herself or die as a result.

chivalry are only entitled to women who deserves it. others can go to hell.

how about my case :

in a crowded mrt i saw a ah ma so i gave my seat to her, i stand up and tap on the ah ma when i turn back the seat was taken by this guy around twenties ,
furious, i said "excuse me i gave this seat up for her" that faggot just pretend asleep knn ccb
then the aunite beside me see leh gave up her seat for that ah ma. then all the ppl stare at that faggot.

I agree tt we women shld at least smile and say 'thank you' when a man has been courteous to us.

But then again, exactly HOW MANY chivalrous men do we women meet everyday?????? I tell you, it's come to the point tt I'm taken by surprise whenever a man actually bothers to hold open the door for me & stuff.

All in all, both genders shld improve themselves...we women shld be more polite & men shld be more chivalric.

I hate to say this, but it does appear that most singaporean man do not gallant enough...

I had actually witness an appalling incident some weeks back... was having a usual badminton session organised by some colleagues.. the ladies were obviously amateurs, but there was this guy who actually who made it so difficult for.. n he had the cheek to laugh when one of them fell down when she tried to retrieve one of his shots... goodness... wat a scumbag...

Originally posted by digicharat:

that time i saw one guy open door and he help on the door for a while longer to let people in. but when my turn he let go and the door almost shut on me.
and i gave him THAT LOOK.

How long did you expect him to hold on to the door? I'm sure he must have held on to that door for some time but the people walking through must have taken him for granted and never bothered to 'relieve' him of that action by holding on to the door for the next person walking through.

I had the experience of holding on to the door for the opposite direction of people to go past me but no one bothered to hold on to it. I certainly did not expect myself to be holding on to the door the indefinitely so just let it go.

Originally posted by mercurialz:

I hate to say this, but it does appear that most singaporean man do not gallant enough...

I had actually witness an appalling incident some weeks back... was having a usual badminton session organised by some colleagues.. the ladies were obviously amateurs, but there was this guy who actually who made it so difficult for.. n he had the cheek to laugh when one of them fell down when she tried to retrieve one of his shots... goodness... wat a scumbag...

that's bloody mean.....