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A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now,you
probably won't remember, but you were in a pileup on the freeway. You're
going to be okay, you'll walk again andeverything, but.....Something
happened. I'm trying to break this gently,but the fact is,your willy was
chopped off in the wreck, and we were unable to find it."The man groans,
but the doctor goes on, "You've got $9000 in insurance compensation coming
to you, and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will
work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it
doesn't come cheap. It's $1000 an inch."The man perks up at this."So," the
doctor says, "it's for you to decide how many inchesyou want. But it's
something you'd better discuss with your wife. Imean, if you had a five
inch one before, and you decide to go for a nineincher, she might be a bit
put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to
invest in a five incher this time, shemight be disappointed. So it's
important that she plays a role inhelping you make the decision."The man
agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day."So," says
the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?""I have," says the man."And
has she helped you in making the decision?""She has," says the man."And
what is it?" asks the doctor."We're getting a new kitchen."
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My wife and I finally boarded the plane in San Francisco last Sunday
heading home.
As the plane reached cruising speed with the seat belt sign switched
off, a 6 ft 3' black man with the build of Mike Tyson in the front row
got up from his seat, turned to face the back, raised his arm and
yelled, 'HIJACK!'
Everyone was frozen to the seat, expecting the worst to happen.
And two stewards were about to jump onto this guy to overpower him
when another voice answered from the back of the plane: 'HI JOHN!'
The moral of the story is: If you have a friend named Jack, for
heaven's sake don't ever call him in the plane. Otherwise you may land
yourself in deep s.hit.
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