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Originally posted by the Bear:
don't tar all with the same brush...actually, what i've observed is that some women tend to pick the same type of boyfriend over and over and over again...
most tend to think "i can change this flirt into a loving and faithful boyfriend" and fail dismally at it..
and then we see them in Agony Aunt columns...
There is an exception to this, and that is girls/guys who thought they are going in a relationship with a "decent" person when he/she is actually a player. This has nothing to do with looks, status or money. In fact they can even look like your boy/girl-next-door.
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Originally posted by TalkToTheScreen:
Online games. Icq. Online forums. Don't even need to talk, type can le.
This does not seem to help facilitate real life interaction with the opposite gender.
In my opinion, you may start from online, but eventually, you would need to break out of that shell before you get too addicted. It would be healthier if you are able to join some open events such as those in CC or in schools. You need to socialize with people and meeting many people is a great way to find out what are the kinds of girls or guy friends you click well with.
Originally posted by asharae:I think 16 years old is a good age to start dating, altho I'd advise against spending too much time on it. Try picking up a new hobby that involves going out, knowing new people and having fun.
Ice-skating is a good hobby for instance. You get to meet more people, and there's always usual groups of skaters every weekend etc. in the ice rink. Once you start to mingle with them, it's very easy to meet pretty girls. Well, at least you're getting regular exercise. :) Be wary of bad company tho, avoid those ahbengs!
I agree with asharae and yes, be discerning enough to know what is bad company for you. Not every guy or girl are worth your time to be friends with if they would influence you in a bad way gradually! Stay away from such company before you plunge too deep in!
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Check out the helplines listed here http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/330952
Let me also lift off some of the helplines from there that you might need.
aLife 6258 8816 (help for fertility, sexuality and pregnancy-related problems)
For pregnant women and their partners who need help. For example have doubts abt keeping the baby, are confused, need help and support, etc. : 1800-6868623
Pregnancy Crisis Service 6339 9770 Babes, for teens with child & the child in them, http://www.babes.org.sg
Confidential sms chat 81113535
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Originally posted by jaezai2008:
aiya ... you so young. before i left australia (lived there most of my life) for my tertiary education, me and my then gf ... we met under the old oak tree ... swore our love for each other, and that we would wait no matter how long it took ... that someday, we would meet under the old oak tree again.
diu, within 3 mths, we both forgot about each other .. i don't even remember her last name now. my last visit back, the stupid tree also kenna cut down and turned into somebody's bookcase liao.
Out
of sight, out of mind.
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Refer to my previous topic "How do you define a player": http://www.sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/310656
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Originally posted by freestyle:
My girl recently told me she is not as interested in the relationship as before. But seems like she cant bear to let go. Whats the reason for her to stay on then ? We've been together for about 2 years. And is it true that most of the time when the girl says shes nt interested in the r/s, theres someone else involved?
I think this is a rather general sweeping statement. There may or may not have been someone else involved. But I do not think that is the main point.
I just want to voice out what I've seen so far and my take on relationship issues. Maybe it has to do with Singapore's fast-pace way of life. Or maybe it's the mass media projection using sex to sell. Everything seem to work like instant noodle. Pour hot water and serve. A lot of sad relationships I see arise mainly because of a lack of understanding and communication. In a relationship, as days go by, partners tend to take each other for granted and not put in as much effort as during the courtship days. In my opinion, a relationship is not like an exam. You do not study just enough to pass the exam and that's it. A relationship is an ongoing process which will cause both parties to evolve and change, either for better or worse.
And so, instead of looking inwards to see how to take the relationship to the next level, dissatisfaction drives a person to nit-pick on a partner's faults and resentment occurs. It is usually one party (or both at different occasions) voicing out his or her dissatisfaction and the other party ignoring and denying all tell-tale signs, only to be puzzled at why his/her partner left him/her, or suddenly become cold, uncaring and uninteresting.
Communication is absolutely vital. Denying dissatisfactions no matter how little will not help to solve the problem but instead will accumulate and be buried over the years. Like a dormant volcano, it is only waiting to erupt.
Humans are creatures of habit. Some people get so "comfortable" in a relationship also out of habit. Yes feelings are involved and "complications" occur. But that doesn't justify all that mess if one has not sorted out the internal "mess" within one's heart. What do you want in your own relationship and do you see it happening if you're already involved? Is there some too unrealistic expectations? Have you done what could be done? If what you do don't work, are you using the same unworkable method to secretly desire the same result?
Not only that, some people get out of such relationships, in their haste and chase for a new love, only to land themselves in another one like this, yes you guess it, out of habit. It's a different partner, with a different face, body and build, status, social circle etc... but the same relationship patterns occur.
Do you want to be in a relationship out of habit? I'm not sure for you, but I see flaws in such "contentment". If you know and have what you could do to improve your situation, would you do it?
Edited by CrabbyShaSha 28 Sep `08, 7:02PM
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Originally posted by xXBlack_RebelXx:
Man why? why? why? WHY!? Women... theyre such a distraction. They are the driving force behind great men yet at the same time ARE also the greatest saboteurs of potentially great men.
I just cant live without women but they are also a great distraction. And I cant live without sex either. To me being smart is the top most priority. But girls deviate me from my pursuit of being intellectual.
Are there any men out there that can lay women and have phd at the same time? I envy them! dont you too? Admit it! you do.
Is possible to balance brains AND sexual prowess?
Are you sure you cannot live without sex?
Objectifying women as sex object is detrimental to both gender as apparent in this thread. Because of this "need" for sex, men are willing to put up with unhealthy tantrums and demands of a woman. Because a woman is being objectified, she is more likely to focus on her physical aspects and beat herself up (not literally) when she soon finds the guy only interested in her body, not as a person. She then gets insecure and hence all the negative emotions are brought up and she feels them to behave in an undesirable way. A relationship starting out based on sexual chemistry only tends to drift further apart as no one dares to open up to truly communicate, as the basis of understanding had not been created and it's much easier to fall back unto physical intimacy. Ironically, the initial sexually-compatible relationship deterioriates and the more focused you're on the sexual aspect of the relationship initially, the less you're going to get in the long run. Any dissatisfaction and conflicts in a relationship should be worked out and it is best to start practising by understanding one another to see if the person is a good fit for you in the first place or not.
Women are human beings too, and if you treat and respect her like one, you will get what fulfills you, truly.
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Originally posted by struck:
Thank you for reading this topic, please read with an open mind. Advice will be taken and read with gratefulness. Those who could not understand and cant accept the story, kindly respect the situation as no one knows and expects what is going to happen in life. We only live once.
I am in love with a married woman. She told me that she love me and is in a dilema. She do not know what to do.
I initate a clear break up thru sms but when we met up the following days, we still ended up together as there are still feelings for each other.
Can someone give me advice? What should I do? I am in love with her and she know it. How can I: -
i) Make it even clearer to her that I wan her and be with her? (this is to show her that I am true to her and is sincere)
ii) know that she wan to be with me too (since she say she is in a dilema, i guess it should be me, the guy, to ensure her, however, I wan to make sure she is not just wanting to be with me to escape from her current relationship)
Have you examined what makes you fall in love with her in the first place? What are her qualities that has attracted you and are those qualities easily lost (e.g. looks) with the passing of time or will they stand the test of time much like how some wine taste better with age?
What about yourself? What is it in you that made you like a girl like her?
You mentioned that you initiated a clear break. I guess apparently, you also do realize that it is difficult to have a future involving someone still in a marriage.
Your questions:
i) Make it even clearer to her that I wan her and be with her? (this is to show her that I am true to her and is sincere)
Like you said in your below question: you do not want her to leave her marriage using you as an excuse and an escape. As much as you do love being with her, I would suggest in a situation like this, love her from a distance (don't meet if possible) or in a more layman term (just to simplify things), love her like a very good friend. Give as much as you can as you would do for a very good friend but keep the physical distance. Try to meet up in more public places or even if you need isolation (so that maybe she feels safe to talk), meet at places that are less crowded (maybe a quiet cafe).
If you really do love her, want the best for her and respect yourself, in my humble opinion, love her as a friend for now. Let her know the reasons why but more importantly, tell her that you would only say this once and then honour your words. Encourage her to find other friends to talk to, show her other alternatives.
This would show you as a man of your words and you DO stand by what you say, rather than contradicting your stand of a break and then going back to her again.
ii) know that she wan to be with me too (since she say she is in a dilema, i guess it should be me, the guy, to ensure her, however, I wan to make sure she is not just wanting to be with me to escape from her current relationship)
If she really do want to be with you, ask her to ask herself, how much is she willing to go through for you. Then again, it's rather contradicting if you were to ask her (or even subconsciously expect her) to do that. Why? As stated in your question above, you do not want her to be with you as an escape from her relationship, but with her current situation right now, she do need a strong pillar to be there for her should she muster up the courage to leave her relationship.
Therefore, you should not be the sole reason for her to walk out of her troubled relationship. The main pushing factor should be that it is not in her interest to continue a flawed relationship. She should be able to realize that it will not be in her best interest nor happiness, to live the rest of her life in a troubled marriage.
Yes, as a guy (and a friend too), you need to look after her interest. Instead of assuring to be around her as a lover (because no one ever knows what will truly happen in the path of love), give her encouragements as a friend and if her relationship is really troubled, get her to open up her own eyes to see and ask her if she wants that for the remaining days of her future. That said, you need to take everything in stride if she chooses to give her relationship another chance and tries to salvage her marriage once more (this is something however hard you will need to face up to). Even if she chooses to wallow in her futile marriage, that is also her choice. Let her know her options and tell her that she is not trapped, in fact, there are decisions that she can make.
For yourself, in order to stand by your principle and respect yourself, tell her gently but firmly that there are limits to what you can do for her, for you need to protect your own heart too. Tell her that it would be best for the both of you to begin all over again once she's done with her issues, not that you are heartless in the first place (I think this is a very important point to be made clear to her, she needs to know this) to want to shrug her off while she is facing problems, but in order to begin a healthy relationship with you (let her know that you are interested in a relationship with her but only a healthy one at that), she will need to learn how to tackle her own issues. That is why it is important to point out to her all the other alternatives she has in perhaps her folly blindness and single-mindedness fail to see, in the midst of her relationship woes.
Here's a very popular quote floating around on the net:
If you love someone, set her free...
If she comes back, she's yours,
If she doesn't, she never was...Above are in the points of a female forumnite - me
Edited by CrabbyShaSha 22 Sep `08, 9:00PM
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Originally posted by skythewood:
pro life?
pro abortion?
the stuff people who don't use contraceptive faces.
stop your worries. use it
I know of someone who's gotten pregnant even though they had taken measures. Contraceptives are not 100% fool-proof. May I ask in such a situation where precautions have been taken and yet pregnancy has occured, what is to be done and who shall take the responsibility?
I feel that schools should incorporate some form of sex education. Not the ones I had 10 over years back then obviously (I do not know what are the schools teaching now), very theory-based. I feel that all secondary school kids should be exposed to videos about abortions and classes should be held to talk about marriage, family and responsibility. In fact, classes conducted should not be too theory-based, reading whatever is from the textbooks, but open up to the class floor for participating debates.
Originally posted by HelloKittyFan:A few issues to address.
Singapore is currently opened to a lot of foreigners, but deep down, being a single-mum is still not accepted by all. Be it discrimination or gossip towards the mother or child, it just boils down to how the mother is able to handle, as well as take the 'verbal abuse'.
To abort or not to abort, depends on how strong your fren is.
Logically, many would say that w/o finance, w/o a proper family, the birth of a child should be ceased. Others may said that the child is innocent and that responsibility of the consequence should be beared. It's not rightfully right to 'take away' something just because you felt you don't have the ability to do so and will bring it more harm than good. Ever think from the child's view? A child may blame you, but he/she may not either; it boils down to how you bring and teach him/her up.
Just like before 'Divorce' was ever introduced, it's a taboo in the olden times for a wife to leave their husbands no matter what the husbands have done. But now, 'Divorce' is pretty common as it serves as an 'alternative' to 'solve' things just like the word 'abortion'.
The day one started having pre-martial doings, one should have expected there may be a day the girl will be pregnant.
Yes, counselling sessions and a video tape are things a girl has to go through when she decides to go for abortion; and it's not easy.
To give birth - either send for adoption or raise on your own.
To send for adoption, some girls may feel that the adopted parents are more capable to provide for the child; but she will have to be able to bear the 'pain' of being separated from her own fresh and blood, a child she has in her womb for 9 months plus, a child who can start kicking her at 6 months plus.
A thing which most guys can never understand is the feeling of something growing inside you; the happiness of seeig the ultrasound scan, the happiness of feeling the heart beat, the happiness of seeing the ultasound pic which the doc will print out for u at each visit, the happiness of shopping for baby clothes (shop at cheaper stores if finance don't allow), the expectation of seeing the child at first sight, the hearing of the child's first cries, the pain and long hours a girl have to go through during labour etc.
Your fren has to weigh the effects of giving birth (raise on her own/adoption) or abortion. Effects as in the consequences she has to face, be it mental or physical, and whether she will be able to take it.
Once aborted, there's no 'rewinding'; goes the same for sending for adoption or raising on her own.
I have frenz who went for abortion; ironically, she seems pretty at ease with things as she's a pretty practical person.
I have frenz who are single mothers; they gave birth when they were still schooling. Now they are working, finance is much better, but obviously, during the initial years, it was pretty bad. They have to save and be thrifty on every single cent. Initally, they practically have no social life, life is devoted to the babies, because there's only one of them, no father, to care for the babies. Only when the kids are older, do they get a social life.
Sort of 'Ku jing gan lai'
Lastly, not all guys are not able to accept a single mother; my single-parent friends are getting married, and throughout these few years, they don't have lack of suitors, in fact the guys still went after them despite knowing they are single mothers.
But obviously, my frenz took a very long time to walk out of their hurting past and, in addition, the day they decided to give birth, they have given up hopes on marriage. Now, they just felt having a husband is = a bonus. (",)
Actually, the most important thing is how strong is your friend? The route in the future is, in a way, unpredictable.
*I understand that u mention that the guy 'offer' to pay for maintenance, my advise if ur friend wants to give birth, don't take the maintenance, but do get the guy to sign a official lawyer letter stating that the guy willngly gives up all his rights to the child. No single mother would want to see a 'sudden appearance' of a guy saying that he wants back his child after e.g. ten years. He has a right to, if he has been supporting the child financially and in addition, he's the rightful father. -- Just a precaution. (",)
Oh, besides, as for the kids, I watched them grow up, they are good and sensible, I guess it boils down to how my friends taught them. They did ask for their fathers, but knowing that when they ask, my frenz would feel sad, they rather chose not to. They seldom ask when they are older, my frenz did more than they could to cover as a mother and a father. It may be difficult and a father may never be able to be replaced, but a kid can feel and see, feel and see a mother's LOVE.
Very practical yet thoughtful solutions. Thumbs up.
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Originally posted by Jetdreamer:
She's passive but when we meet up, it's a lot of fun. There are those who are passive and no fun when out together. So this gets me thinking about how I should approach the courtship. Of course when a girl is active and a lot of fun together, that's perfect but not in this case.
So shd i:
1) cut to the quick, waste no time and express
2) continue calling her out since she enjoys my company
I'm just wondering what if one day we're really together, is she going to continue being passive?
I think the most important thing is to get to know each other ba. Ask her out to spend more time with her to do a variety of activities together. As for physically leading her for spark, I think this I no need to teach you ba.
"I'm just wondering what if one day we're really together, is she going to continue being passive?"
Well, do you know her that well to tell now? If not, get to know her! If your interest haven't fizzle out that is...
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Originally posted by Fantagf:
Sigh! Over here like any other forums, it is most of the time battle of the sexes. People can do better than be on battle field. It is possible for both genders to communicate without attacking, flaming. We need to look at the positive sides for both genders, can't just focus on the negative.
True, those men give other guys here a bad name. There are nice people around, be it they are men or women. It is just our luck if we meet them or not.
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Originally posted by Nuad:
but i still worry that. if in the event i do feel jealous about other things.
how would i know if its me being overly jealous? how do i gauge so?
That is why it is important to live by some standards or as what we call, have your own principles. Principles are absolutes. That means, they cannot be compromised. Sometimes, we would of course like to give our loved ones a second chance. However, if what you have preached or said seems to be continually ignored, then that means it's time for some serious action on your part. And do it.
You are doubting yourself because you have not been living up to your principles. As time goes by as your principles get more voilated, you doubt yourself more and depend even more emotionally on your partner and loved ones for approval, whether they are right or not. This is especially not a very good position for a man, because it weakens a man's resolve and you will lose the strength to be able to defend your loved ones in times of crises.
So quiet down your mind. Choose your friends wisely and surround yourself with friends who respect your choices. Listen to people whom you respect. However, first and foremost, it is more important to respect yourself. Mix around more gradually and experience first hand, then decide for yourself what emotions are healthy and what are not. Until then will you be able to find and invest in a relationship that is truly healthy for yourself and your partner. This is going to take time, so don't hurry yourself
Edited by CrabbyShaSha 13 Sep `08, 7:18PM
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- The time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.
- Bertrand Russell
British author, mathematician, & philosopher (1872 - 1970)
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Originally posted by Sakuraflower:
The problem is with my school... The school make me have this problem and it is because of my work too... mainly the school.. it makes me struck with these problems which I cannot solve myself..
I try all the matters that is mentions above, it helps me a while. But I will be back to the original problems. I will be sad again..
It helps only a while because it doesn't tackle the actual problem. The above methods are merely distractions. Therefore, when you are distracted, it merely helps you forget your problems with school.
Originally posted by Sakuraflower:I am sad... I went through all the "shit" and this is what i get. I did double the work , people get my credit and I get a lousy grade and struck in a shitty situation where I dun seen myself developing and growing into a person I want to become.
I hate this life i am in. I am feeling sad.. As for my work, there are no prospect... I feel like a failure... Should i stay on to get my experiences. When I am in a very shitty situation.
I AM FEELING VERY UPSET!!! whenever people seen my grade or I seen my own... i am feeling UPSET AND SAD, because I know all this subject , but my grade reflect so badly of me... I am upset. I dun seen a further for myself... It stick to me whole life...
People console me with never mind... BUT FUCKING HELL!!! IT IS MY BUSINESS, MY LIFE... I REALLY HATE THE FEELING AND SITUATION I AM IN>>>
>>>>>>>> VERY SAD AND BLUE!!!!>>>>>>>>
Are you afraid of being judged? You said "my grade reflect so badly of me". Does your family or relatives and friends around you look at great school grades in awe? Do you have something ambitious you want to achieve in your lifetime that requires people to look up to you as some strong character for help? What is it deep inside your heart that you really want? Have you ask yourself? And is there really only one way to go about achieving your dreams? Is it more important for others to recognize you than for yourself to validate you?
What is it that you really want? Are you ashamed of yourself? Have you been made to feel ashamed of yourself? Don't hide. It seems to me that you have not been in honest touch with your true feelings. Pardon my presumptous deduction, but what impresses other people may not be what you are truly looking for deep down in your heart. Forget about family, friends, relatives or societal expectations! If this is exactly what you want for yourself, your mind and heart would not have such agonizing conflict. Let me give you an example. Several years back, I used to find it demeaning when my dad suggest I go into childcare. I thought a real woman of substance these days would not stoop herself to such a lowly qualified job when she could be out there pursuing a prestigious high-paying career. Thinking back now, I realized, no matter what qualifications one have or not, one shouldn't feel ashame to venture into one's own interest. Only back then, I was too snobbish (and I consider myself a very humble person) to have even considered a career my dad suggested. Hence, in pursuit of what people might be impressed by and acknowledged, I did not even stop to think that I might really love to get in touch with the children or not.
Maybe it's because you feel trapped. You think that in a mercenary society like this, we "need" good grades and excellent career in order to move ahead, to pursue "happiness". Well, that's usually the main objective in life isn't it? To be happy! We fall in love in hope to find happiness with our partner. We advance in our career or upgrade ourselves by taking more courses, in hope to provide more happiness to our loved one and ourselves.
Ironically, this pursuit of "happiness" often leads us to the very abyss of unhappiness. Not only that, many of us, lost in this urban jungle, lost track of the reason WHY we are frantically working so hard in the first place.
Therefore, I conclude, if you are not happy, even if you managed to achieve the grades you desire, it doesn't matter.
But how to be happy, you might ask. Well then, I guess, only you will have the answer because only you will know what is important to you. Is it to be able to enjoy the love and friendship with your loved ones by just being yourself? Then I guess, you'll have to find the right company to provide that. Not everyone gives us the validation we need and it is within our own self-respect that we decide to find the right friends who will acknowledge us instead of putting us down constantly. Or is it making a worthwhile contribution to society while you are still alive and healthy? Many organizations are looking for volunteers and you'll be moved by the delight you see on the faces of those being helped with only a little that you do for them.
Originally posted by Jfund:
maybe u are happier being sad..u choose to be in this comfort zone so none of our advice will work..we cant control the things happening around us or to us. but we can control how we choose to react. u can wake up and choose to be happy, or choose to not wake up at all.
"maybe u are happier being sad"
Subconsciously, this could also be your choice perhaps at this junction where you do not know what to do.
So open up not only your eyes, but your heart. Ask yourself what do you really want for your happiness. Remember, misery is only a transition. This part of your life, is a growing platform, to propel us in the direction, of the pursuit of happiness.
Edited by CrabbyShaSha 13 Sep `08, 7:01PM
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For me, watch some nice drama on Youtube (this is one of my fav: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jICO-GUJYTk Total 24 ep) and get inspired by the characters. And especially for girls who need to feel loved and pampered, doll up, get dressed, and do not feel guilty about it! And learn to ask for help in little ways and do not feel ashamed just because the society/media make us girls seem as if some super incredible superwomen who are supposed to be good at EVERYTHING! IMPOSSIBLE!
Do something nice for yourself too because you deserve it. Tell yourself you're the sweetest being and because you are now empty and depleted, you need and deserve more love than anyone else. You're worth it. Remember that!
Edited by CrabbyShaSha 12 Sep `08, 3:53PM
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Originally posted by Sakuraflower:
I am trying to make myself happy. But part of me are very unhappy. I hate the state I am in. I feel like I cannot be myself. I know I shouldn't be in this way. I feel rotten.
In fact , I feel worthless. Can anybody tell me what to do... Dun tell me way of distress... it is not going to help me.
You said you are trying.
Dun tell me way of distress... it is not going to help me.
And yet you are resistant.
Is that trying?
I think first up, remove that wall of resistant. Understand that no matter what people suggest to you, they cannot force you to do what you do not want to do. You do not have to please all people. Do what you think is comfortable for you to try out gradually since you are going to be resistant to what you don't feel comfortable anyway.
I feel like I cannot be myself.
Then that's more reason to be yourself! If you feel trapped, depress and sad, that's the reason why!
Find a time and place, alone or with friends (it is easier these days on the internet to find like-minded new friends, of course safety cautions still apply, always meet in public places), try something new, watch a movies, or do whatever you like. Join a CC or volunteer for an event (one-time affair only) and see if it helps boost your self-esteem. You can perhaps google for volunteer events such as http://www.childrensociety.org.sg/volunteer/concerns.htm (I typed in volunteer and click to find pages from Singapore)
Or perhaps other forumnites have other events to suggest or other suggestions?
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Originally posted by Nuad:
my girlfriend she is a very friendly and socialble person, sometimes with our group of friends she's outgoing to a point where she would play with the guys like tickling and playful touching them.
i know she dosent have any intentions but there is one mutual friend with ours she had a fling with last time (before we got together) she is particularly very friendly with him. and well.... touchy.. .. i get insecure.
honestly i am confused, i really am. i really don't want her to change because of my jealous insecurities
but on the other hand i do feel insecure.
i have talked to her and expressed this to her. but i know she can't really register.. because well she's kinda the type in one ear out the other and she kinda gets lost i the moment of fun.
so firstly i want to ask if from a third person's opinion, am i being overly jealous?
i told her about this and had a long talk and said that i would try to prevent and control these thoughts. or get used to it...... because the truth is this is her personality.
and i love her for being herself, and expecting her to change seems contradictory to me.
but im confused by my emotions and my head.
help?
I sincerely do think that there is really some conflict going on here, or as you have put it, "contradictory".
May I guess that you are the opposite of your girlfriend's personality, and because she was so different from you, perhaps may I presumptuously presume, the part of you that yearns to be so carefree too, that you were attracted to her?
This has nothing to do with the so call "opposite attracts" for those are based on healthy complementary differences, not based on insecurity or "jealousy".
There is nothing wrong with you. You were just not comfortable with your girlfriend's "outgoing" behaviour to the boys and like what one forumnite said, I do not think those guys are being respectful to you or your girlfriend either when they are so-called "being playful" with her.
You said you had a long talk with her. Yet you also expect to be turned a deaf ear upon. The word is "expected". Why?
That is why I said "opposite attracts" and this "opposite" is not a good sign unlike those based on healthy complementary differences e.g.--> This is unlike she is into sports and you are into plants.
First, there seems to be a huge disregard of respect, from what you have written, from your girlfriend's side.
Can a relationship work without respect inspite of her "she kinda gets lost in the moment of fun" & "i know she dosent have any intentions"? Are those really good excuses?
Back to the part where you said you expected her to turn a deaf ear to you. Why are you letting her do that? Why do you allow someone especially your significant other, who should of all people, pay the most attention and respect to you, disrespect you this way? Why are you helping her to find excuses already (ref: "i know she can't really register.. because well she's kinda the type in one ear out the other and she kinda gets lost i the moment of fun.") and in a way expect to be walked all over by her?
In my opinion, work on your own issues first before you truly plunged into a relationship. Be truthful to yourself, your own feelings. Right now your own feelings is telling you that you are uncomfortable with this situation. Are you going to disregard it again and sweep it all under the rug only to be nudged time and time again by this uncomfortable feeling? Respect yourself and others will respect you. It is because (perhaps since growing up, people around you have been putting you down) that you are used to disregarding yourself that you have perhaps walked into this relationship without even realizing whether it is healthy or not for you.
Maybe it is a lot of work for you to do, but may I suggest that you write down what kind of qualities are you looking for in a girlfriend and what kind of girls in reality have you been attracted to? Compare the qualities in this 2 columns, are they in conflict? How do you think you are able to match both of them? You need some quiet time for this and a whole lot of thinking for yourself, what you want in your life and the quality of your partner. Especially pertaining to your significant other, this is not a matter to be "qing cai" or "anyhow" about.
I am going to be very presumptous here again, but I just want to say, we may not be able to choose our family, but we sure can choose the good friends we want to surround ourselves with and that includes your significant other. Respect yourself, learn how to walk away from situations we find ourselves uncomfortable in, learn to be more open and assertive, and respect will come your way.
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A very bad trade imho. Eh...