Originally posted by £ Ĭ €ڰ:

Not true lah. Many of the forumers here actually quit Singapore will a sour taste in their mouth, hence whenever they come back to this forum, they will always like to talk bad about this country just to reassure themselves they are better off living overseas.

Ever heard of the Sinkapore, Sillypore?

No, I haven't. Those are quite creative names. Haha...

Well, for them, they have reasons why they quit...

I personally believe people like/hate Singapore, be it locals or foreigners, for their own reasons, which is somewhat related to Maslow's hierarchy of needs.

Singapore can give you the first two levels, food, water, shelter, security, property for you and your family. But perhaps not the other levels, such as creative expression (individual expression which may include lifestyle preferences) and the Western-style freedom of speech.

That's why people leave Singapore for US/Europe/Australia for reasons such as the need for individual expression and lifestyle preferences, while on the other hand, people come to Singapore from other SEA countries/India/China for its stable environment and job opportunities.

Originally posted by DeerHunter:

No worries, I don't find your post offensive. I only hope that you may be convinced with realities that you will find around you that life is better and could be better if we work together instead of being manipulated by opposition political ambitious persons.

I'm sure everyone in this Speaker's Corner wants Singapore to succeed, and everyone wants to have a better life, a stable and crime-free environment, with plenty of educational and financial opportunities.

For MM Lee, some people think "the good outweigh the bad" (quoting the Aussie chancellor, whatever his name is, of the university who gave him the honours prize thingy), while others think "the bad outweigh the good".

Everyone is entitled to his/her opinion for the above.

I also feel globalization causes plenty of challenges for Singapore, but we also need to address people's concerns with a sincere "consultative" (gees, it's been a long time since I came across that word in the papers) approach.

It's hard but maybe it will pay dividends in the long run.

Just my 2cts opinion.

Originally posted by DeerHunter:

 

You seemed very vocal here with your use of freedom of speech here and even attempted to claim to speak for EVERYONE here.

1. Do list out whom you claim to speak up for.

2. Do list out how MM LKY 'bloodsuck the nation' and the 'evil' he had done.

Or are you just a bag of hot air, bleeting like a sheep without engaging your brains first?

Hi DH,

Your initial posts (those long ones), I take it, are well-meaning and trying to be encouraging.

People are entitled to feel disgruntled now and then in this forum, and this is the best way to voice out one's feelings, barring slander of course.

 I may be wrong, but if I guess correctly, perhaps you may be a volunteer with Meet-the-People session, and if that's the case, I'm sure you know better than most the various pressing issues, e.g. inflation, with the common people, that's causing them to be disgruntled.

MM Lee himself said in today's papers that he might have been sounding like a broken record. It may suggest he knows the young in Singapore is not convinced. As far as I know, the older generation (50s-60s) has split loyalties, depending on whether they are English or Chinese educated, the middle-aged generation also have split loyalties, but perhaps the young generation is not convinced life in Singapore is good.

One cannot sweep their attitudes away like it's plain wrong, or what.

In general, whether it's between parent-child, spouses or govt-people, nobody likes to be lectured, without first being heard and acknowledged.

Hope this post doesn't come across as offensive to anyone.

Originally posted by ghast.:

Thanks for waking me up. He has been calling me even more often now but i think i get it, if i enter as a 3rd party, I really wouldn't feel good about the relationship. Besides, I just caught some news that they are getting engaged. I believe it is time to congratulate them sincerely.

Thanks for all your help.

I'm glad you thought it through.

From a guy's point of view, I think guys sometimes like to have other female friends as soulmates because the additional perspective is refreshing and the companionship is rejuvenating, particularly if, like Yunhaier said, their gf/wives have left a void there.

Unfortunately, establishing such an emotional connection is the first step to generating sparks (not the National Day type) both ways.

It's the same the other way, a girl confiding in another guy her r/s problems.

It's up to the involving parties's responsibility to manage these connections. (Like you have just did, superbly).

If one cannot manage, it's better to sever the connections.

In my humble opinion, there is no such thing as a truly platonic close friendship (at all times from beginning to end) between the opposite sexes.  Romantic feelings are/were sure to have developed one way/both ways at one point of time or another. Very often these romantic feelings are fleeting, and once that romantic feeling is gone, the status of that "platonic close friendship" would have taken a plummeting.

Originally posted by Dendrite88:

But old folks whose education level lower tend to believe that PAP is good... must be last time LKY know how to xian old people.

HEHE it doesnt work now does it LKY!

 

Why our old folks believe that leh?

In the 60s, public housing was upgraded (from village to HDB), and I think a lot of people were very pleased with that.

Malays and Chinese were also fighting one another. LKY and team personally settled the differences between Malays and Chinese. I think they went down personally to army camp to settle a gangfight between first-batch recruits among Malays and Chinese. This brought stability to Singapore (look at Malaysia, Indians were rioting some months back, they had that problem since 1957)

You can say quality of life of our old folks back then is improved many fold.

But you're right, now it doesn't work. Nobody can live on past glory.  The lives of our generation are harder, thanks to globalization.

Our current leaders need to give us room for a voice, and they need to work on building trust with the people again (Look at Ong Teng Cheong, who has had a bad thing to say about him, at least not that I know of), something which they lost somewhere between the mid-80s and now.

They cannot remove distrust by policies. It will only act like a slow disease.

Wow, the anti-LKY sentiments here are really strong...

I personally don't like recent policies, I totally disagree with LKY on many things, but sometimes when you look at it objectively, you may get the feeling "shit, I hate it, but he's right".

LKY's means-to-the-end may not be the best, you may strongly question his agendas, but call it a side-effect if you like, Singapore is the richest country among our neighbors.

But the credit to that is not his alone definitely, it's also credited to his old Guard team.

If LKY goes, investors may lose confidence, and start pulling out, resulting in higher unemployment rate. Who's to hold the mantle then? The STI may plunge like nobody's business. What's very worrying is whether anyone in the current govt setup can have his vision and courage to do the right thing.

Like Civilgoh said, people get pissed off, and I do too. But I'm not sure what other alternative we have. The current ones aren't too promising, well, thanks to LKY, some of you might say.

Just my 2cts worth opinion.

Hi TS,

I am just wondering...

Do you want to get back to your ex-gf, because you felt that you could have done things in a better way? If so, will the outcome be different?

The key thing is, when you're out of a relationship, you forget about the bad, and reminisce about the good.

When you're in a relationship, you focus on the problems, and forget about the nice things.

Only you can give an honest and brutal assessment of what the situation between you and your ex-gf is.  Does your ex-gf yearn for a second chance with you? If so, is she willing to work hard in the relationship, or is she wanting you to do all the changing?

If the chances of a successful re-relationship between both of you are very low, then you can follow all the advice the people have given you here, and give your all to your current gf, which deserves nothing short of 100% from you.

Your mention about your apathetic attitude to all that wedding planning stuff is very scary. It shouldn't be like this.

You need to sort yourself out first, before going into marriage.

The outcome might be the same, before or after marriage, but at least when it's before marriage, you have the option to say good-bye to your current gf without causing her total heartbreak in the form of a divorce or an affair.

Good luck, and may you find the solution that sets your heart in peace.

Hi delores,

I'm extremely sorry to hear about your situation... there are already some very good advice, amid the usual initial naive, past-looking and blaming ones, already dished out by some people in this forum.

Yunhaier brought up a good point about looking within yourself to see what you really need most. All major religions help us to do that. I think a good long term solution for you is to continually strive to search for good meaning in life and to seek inner peace and happiness, independent of the current predicament (Hey, even high-power executives need to do that).

Now for your current situation:

To sum up your husband: He lacks any sort of family responsibility, including that of a father, and barring a miracle, he isn't probably going to change, until he no longer has the option to, by the time which you probably won't care about it anyway.

Someone previously mentioned counselling.. well, that is one potential solution, but he must play his part. If he doesn't see it as a problem "if it aint broke, don't fix it", then counselling is going to be useless.

The majority of his self-worth may come from conquering all sorts of women (Edison Chen style), it may even be a sex addiction, and if he has no other source of intrinsic self-worth, it's impossible to try to change him.

Not all male homo sapiens are like this, fortunately.

I beg to differ on the stand from some of the well-meaning forumers here on staying in the marriage for the sake of the children.

In my humble opinion, children benefit most from having happy and loving parents. They model after their parents in many ways. If their parent is negative, their outlook in life would be negative. Having said that, given the option of

1) irresponsible father and perpetually sad mother

2a) happy mother (assuming you get custody of the children)

2b) happy mother and responsible step-father

I think that while it may not seem obvious, 2 would be a better longterm solution. Who's proud of a philandering father anyway? Worse still, your children may think it's acceptable behaviour from a man to do that ("My dad sleeps around and my mum tolerates it, so that's okay")

Of course, there's always the financial aspect of providing for the children, and you might feel you're taking away a materially comfortable life from them (holidays and all that), but if you believe in yourself, you can conquer all obstacles ahead of you.

When the children grow up, they may either be grateful to you for being so sacrificial, or resent you for not having the courage of changing their lives when you can. It's a tough call..

Divorce is seen by some as the end result, that is a failure to a marriage, but it is also seen by others as the first step to success in life and possible re-marriages. Everyone deserves a shot at happiness. Some need 1 shot, others need 2 or more.

May you have the strength to do what you feel you need to do.

Just one mention about those other women: What can you expect to come out of their mouths, while they know they are being condemned as "the other party"? They pretend not to care, because it is easier to be aloof than to be sensitive to judgement , and the easiest way to be aloof is to be fierce.

Last of all, you sound like a good woman, and good potential wife material to many guys out there. It's just unfortunate that you are in a situation that can be described as "a stalk of flower stuck in a pile of cow dung"

Take care!

Threadstarter,

From your long story, I deduced a few things, see below. Hopefully my subsequent comments can help.

A and you seem to be in a very close relationship for the past few years, yet sometimes insecurities on her part and perhaps your immature responses played a big deal in creating conflicts between both of you.

When you broke up with her, you felt a sudden rush of fresh air and freedom. Well, I won't really blame you. Anyone who's in a tight insecure relationship, be it guy or girl, would feel the same.

You've experimented with other relationships with other girls, the freedom is okay, but the intimacy and "feeling" is not. It doesn't feel right.

You went back to A, taking into account of all the good things about her.

But past problems arose. From what you said, serious trust issues exist between A and you. She thinks you are not back for good, and I would say even you are unsure about whether you would be back to her for good.

One possible solution: As long as trust issues exist, the relationship will be strained. Physical intimacy cannot help sustain the relationship alone. I suggest you two iron out all the issues you have about each other. Not only about her issues with you, but also about what you dislike about her. It may take weeks or even months. And when you are at it, show some commitment, don't "fling" around (if that's the correct word). Be normal friends but probational couple.

Good luck!

Threadstarter,

Your story is really long, but here goes.

There are some good things you like about A (being chinese, and the level of intimacy etc) and there are some things you dislike about her (the problems both of you face).

Rebound relationships with other girls like E and G are purely physical fun, but the level of commitment is not what you are looking for. Hence, they are never the same as the relationship with A, who gives you 100% commitment.

You seem to have a problem with giving 100% commitment to a girl, but you prefer a girl who gives you 100% commitment.

A did lots of things which showed that she didn't trust you because you have NOT demonstrated yourself to be worthy of trust.

You want A to pledge wholehearted trust to you and give you 100% commitment, and at the same time you want to reserve 5% commitment to other girls (5% to you, 95% to A) and have innocent fun chatting.

You can't have your cake and eat it.

Two options:

1) Improve yourself and ditch all the forests for that one tree. Sooner or later, you have to anyway.

2) Ditch A and tell her you can't measure up to what she wants. A deserves more than what you can give her now, and you know it. She's 25, and has a good 5-10 years ahead of her to find a man who can give her what she needs. Spare her the agony. Then, you can have all the innocent but meaningless fun in the world.

Yo, just thought i gave my opinion here.

Like someone said earlier, I think it is in nobody's interests to turn this article into a battle, ST's study probably involves a subset of the population, and is not too representative. Even if it is representative, it's not "right" or "wrong" to disagree with the representation.

The handbag issue: If a lady detests the idea so much because of equality or image issues , then it's simply a case of the wise guy not holding the bag. If she thinks it's thoughtful, or sweet of that guy to do so, then the smart guy will do it to score some points.

The differences between men and women, SG or not, have always created tension between the two gender, but precisely because of the differences, the two gender attract one another.

Girls like suave, sensitive and thoughtful yet macho men, and guys like sweet, adoring, pretty girls.

Totally nothing wrong with that.

The two gender are never equal, and will never be. Guys should accept that, who wants girls behaving like men anyway? Feminists who advocate for gender equality, probably will like certain things excluded, and i have no issue with that, but then some guys will disagree.

Guys who hate girls who insist on being heard and respected, but lust after them anyway, cannot win. A change of attitude is recommended.

Girls who find many guys too ungentlemanly and insensitive, just have to look elsewhere. No complaints about that either.

Personally, I find opening a door for a girl, pretty or otherwise, a gentlemanly act. I also liked paying for bills during dates during dating times. I actually felt good doing it. Even though things between us may not work out in the end. But that's just the way it is.

Am I being too cynical?

I thought this column is a complete fake, at the risk of stating the obvious.

But you guys may be knowing that and giving him the benefit of the doubt, although I can see some replies that are humouring TS too.

Moderator, any comments?

I think the issue here is not so much of watching porn, but rather TS's hubby lying to her. No woman likes being lied to.

Every marriage has its problems and challenges. In this case, TS's divorce has left her somewhat insecure. And hey, this is not a problem that we cannot have, in fact, even guys feel insecure after breakups and divorces.

Secondly, to all who feels that porn is no big deal, it's like a glass half-filled with water.

I would say that couples watching porn to enhance their sex lifes is perfectly fine, and healthy. But too much porn clouds the guy's thinking and perspective, and in short, it's not much of a good thing.

The golden question is how much is too much?

To someone who mentioned that porn helps to improve sexual technique, erh... porn is an entertainment industry, not an educational one. For instance, banging a woman very hard is actually very painful to her, if she's not fully lubricated, but those porn movies never say that, rite? And those porn movies only show plenty of direct sex, but no foreplay, and no good lover ignores foreplay.

TS, what you need to do is this:

communicate to ur hubby your fears of associating porn with infidelity. He doesn't want to hurt you, that's why he's keeping it a secret when he needs it. He fears your wrath, but is afraid to tell you his needs because he feels you are going to condemn him anyway.

Seek his reassurance that he would not be unfaithful. Seek to understand his feelings about porn, and tell him about ur insecurity over him watching porn. Let him know that his actions of using pictures of naked women makes u upset. And hey, there's nothing wrong with feeling upset, contrary to what some guys/girls here tell you. Well, they may be from the Y generation, but it's them, not you.

Someone mentioned that 3 pages of text are all concluding that you are wrong. Well, only a handful mentioned that you are in an unique situation. There's nothing wrong with you feeling insecure, and there's no need to see a doctor. All women feel insecure now and then, even guys feel insecure sometimes (when they gain weight, lose job, had an injury) so don't let other people deny your rightful feelings. As i said before, this is an issue u need to work with in ur marriage, you are not wrong, but this is something to work with ur hubby.

The first trimester is the worst, but no guy has ever gone thru labour before, they dont know what it means, and frankly speaking, with the level of stress our people in singapore face here, ur hubby is probably just feeling self-absorbed and needs a little outlet to vent his frustrations, sexual or otherwise.

Lastly, going 10 months without penetrative sex is a long time for a guy. I know because I've done it, and perhaps you should pay a little attention, when you feel like it, to ur hubby's needs.

As for someone who mentioned bj, well, bj is fun for the guy, and in some cases, if the gal is in a great mood, she enjoys dishing out fun. For pregnant women, they seldom are in the mood to do such things, especially in the 1st trimester.

Being pregnant is not easy.

To justaname, misogynist, midnightk, and others..

It doesn't seem too long ago that I was in your shoes.

My best advice is to stop being bitter, and move on with life.

Some girls, for ego's sake or/and for feelings of security, love being chased and adored by guys. Particularly the prettier and gorgeous ones.

Some hardly spare a thought for the feelings of the guys.

Well to them, it's a type of selection for the best guys... they don't want to shut the door firm on any guy, but they do want the best, rightfully so, since they have the looks.

My advice is to look for a good girl, who desires your love.

If the current lady you are besotted with does not seem to be the type who desires your love, it's quite pointless, in my humble opinion. Even if you 2 end up together, it's unlikely that you are her best choice, since she has gone one full circle and not found any, while keeping you waiting. Potential problems in marriage may await..

There are plenty of other girls out there, really.

And one last consolation, guys become more marketable as they mature...
So no worries there, hopefully.

Misogynist, is that bane of your life the same girl in your previous thread?
You need to be more like a Jedi Knight, that is to let go of your pain and hatred, before romantic fortunes can smile on you again.
May the force be with you.

Good luck everyone...

TS,

your friend is obviously showing signs of infatuation with that girl, since most guys feel attracted to sexy qualities a girl displays, e.g. dancing, demeanour etc. It is most likely a passing phase, but it's hard to tell for how long..

In my humble opinion, it's not a good time to confess, since he's still in that infatuation mood.

Perhaps he's unsure of his own feelings towards you.. But I would say he probably has some feelings towards you, though not as strong as those you have towards him.

I think you can alleviate the pain you are feeling now, by widening your social circle.. and meeting new guys, without any pressure to enter a relationship.

Hope that helps.

Originally posted by de_middle:

she has 2 words for u = not interested

i have 2 words for u too = move on

Can't be better expressed. Short and sweet.

Originally posted by Misogynist:

Yep..Majorly, thoroughly screwed up down left right center.

I think it's all over unless a miracle happens but in this case, I doubt so.

I don't even know her friends who can help me meditate this situation.

TS,

I have been in a somewhat similar position.

You've scored an own goal by saying she's lonely... yes, as someone has said, asking her if another guy is dating her will provoke a "hey, it's none of your business, we are not an item" response.

But I would like to point out that even if you didn't score that own goal, you're already losing at 2-0 down with 5 minutes to fulltime. So, I hope that's a consolation thought.

Guys usually get very attracted to pretty girls, and like someone else said, you're just mourning a loss of a very attractive close friend. After all, defeat is always bitter. It sucks to walk off the field with a 3-0 result against you after all that effort. But hey, there's always another game, or girl, to look forward to.

Outrageously pretty girls like her feel entitled to use guys for emotional support, and after they have recovered, if they feel that the guy is not a good relationship investment, given the view that they are entitled to the best guys (character, money, brains, body ...) with their looks, they will dish out the "get lost" look.

Think of it as a good deed you have done to her, and the coolest response from you is to feel nothing against her in weeks and months to come.

May you find the right girl who desires your love.

TS,

Obviously, you feel tired at trying to play the role your wife wants you to play, and it is natural to want freedom back. It's almost like a teenager wanting to go and hang around with his friends, not so much for the activity, but for the simple reason his parent is forbidding him to do so, and that he needs to want to taste freedom.

But you're in a marriage, and both parties need to work hard at making the marriage work.

If she's not working hard, it gives you the excuse not to work hard too. But is that the way to go?

You said you spent all your time with her.. perhaps, it's only quantity time, not quality time. Spending the whole day walking around with her in shopping malls, or staying at home watching TV, with a grumpy and suppressed resentful look, is not quality time.

Obviously your wife has a problem with regards to freedom and healthy space, but the issue is not to be solved by fighting for your own freedom. Try to understand why she's doing it, and with gentle affirmation, try to work things out...

Why don't you two try counselling? She may refuse to do it, but you can start first, and then perhaps she can join later..

The way I see it, you have stopped working at the marriage, and have started getting back at her. No wife wants her hubby to go Geylang, btw, as far as I know.

Focus on the reason behind her anger, and not on what she says. It's content-free, all her words...

I also recommend consulting a fengshui expert for improving your home harmony.

Counselling before divorce, I think, is the best path for any married couple about to split.

Hope that helps.

Originally posted by subaru67:

agreed bro... its for me to see n decide when its appropriate... as for now i dun wanto give up w/o a fight

I admire your courage and perseverence, good luck!

Originally posted by subaru67:

huh? jackpot..? now me and her like on n off... as her pride level is high... sometimes she thinks of me while sometime she ignore me... ahhaha abit used to her pattern liao... as this is who she is... if i choose to continue to love her... its something i must accept as the days cant go back to our honeymoon period right?

subaru67,

It's your choice, but girls like these will continue to pose a lot of problems and may like to manipulate their future hubbies all the time, and imposing their princessy attitudes. One good example is a guy's thread sometime back where his wife is always threatening divorce...

But there's no right and wrong, and one man's meat is another man's poison.

Good luck!

Originally posted by jojobeach:

Then she is the right one for you.

May I suggest you send her a bouquet of flower now.
And promise her, you'd love her till you die, even though she has unbearable xiao jie pi qi.

jojobeach, are you sure that's good advice?

Originally posted by aicuole:

Yes, living in japan is hard. The living standard there is high. But I should say, not all japanese treat Asian foreigner that harsh..

Maybe I wont say it's noble for her to do all that. But if one didnt truly love someone, they wouldnt need to go until this extreme of going oversea to visit another person. (Not if you are rich, of course.) I'm not a love saint whereby could have the ability to sweet talk girls and make them come visit me. You can say that it's little 'investment' she made, but like i say, what gives? some guys might be bastard that ditched her after sleeping with her... she had made a lost-lost situation if did not trust a correct guy. You said your friends met someone over the net and live happily with them right?

If it's the money she is after, I know... i've seen countless girls like that, might not happen to me, but with my friends.

However, how she know that it's the right thing to say that what I want to hear? I didnt tell her that 'I like to hear you saying you like me because blah blah blah' Sometimes thing are said from the depth of the heart and it's something I feel.. right? For example, i mention that I dislike being like because of look. For some guys, they might think it's essential for them to hear. But it's not my cup of tea.

Oh well, I wrote all these is not to doubt the love she gave. But her bastard ex bothering her as she told me about her past.. see how things being link together.... I want her to be honest with me, to know that her ex call her, in the past, he called because of his need, her foolishness with no self protection.. and everything.. It's not that Im jealous.. i just cant bear to see someone I love now had encountered such a cruel past and bad experience. I dunno how to put that in words... im bad at explaining though...

Hi TS,

Forgive me for saying this, but your love story with your koibiito sounds very much like a taiwanese love plot from qiong yao's novel.

She brings with her a lot of emotional baggage which you may struggle to handle on a day-to-day basis.

You may be mixing sympathy with your love, and that may not be healthy for you.

You sound like an overseas rebound for her to me, and I am not sure if she's not suffering some form of depression.

You don't sound like the best person to help her, in my humble opinion.

There's no point pulling someone out of the quicksand if you are not certain you wouldn't get sucked into the mire.

Guys like us tend to try to think we are emotionally strong enough for such a mess, but it's more difficult than we think.

Trying to help a person out of his/her depression and being in love with him/her at the same time doesn't work.

Originally posted by moletan2003:

Hi guys, I called my girlfriend yesterday. (my rational thinking lost) Meet up with her at her place. We hug, I told her I still love her and want to give the relationship another chance. She agreed but said that she cannot promise anything cause she is still confused and need some time to think. She also mention that she wants us to be normal again saying that she is soft hearted and that she still loves me. I stayed over at her place yesterday.

here is how I feel, after this incident, I realised that I have become too dependent on her for emotion support, everytime I stayed over at her place, called her, tell her I miss her etc etc. Now I want to make a difference, I will learn slowly and surely to keep my life filled with other activities. I do love her and want us to be together but she needs to be reasured by having someone whom she can depend on. I will try to work towards that but at the same time prepare myself emotionally when one day she might really wants out. I hope that day never comes and I hope one day I can tell you guys in this forum that I am getting married with her. I really hope I am making the right decision.

From the bottom of my heart i really thank all those friends who bothered to read my msg and give your advice to me, I really appreciate your efforts. God bless all you kind souls out there.

Hey there,

That's the way to go, man!

I feel that sensitive guys have a place on this earth, but girls want their men to be both strong and sensitive. They want their men to be tough shining knights skilled with the sword but yet macho enough to be sensitive to their needs.

Tough criteria, but that's the way it is.

Nobody ever becomes good lovers or whoever instantly. It takes effort, discipline and commitment.

By the way, marriage is but another step. Things don't end there, and one doesn't stop working on things when married.

I wish you all the best.

Originally posted by LazerLordz:

He's banned from all FAS-competitions and tournaments, not an international ban. I expect he will move abroad and play.

If it's intentional on the part of FAS, I think it's quite lame.

He should be banned from all football.

If it happens, his inclusion in the Lions squad will split the team and affect the team spirit.

Originally posted by Guardx:

What happen in my past is over and I do not lived in the past.
Willing to work harder to get a better future. I have learnt the hard way in the past and became a better person now. I do not wish for the TS to walk the same path I have been through.

Due to your past experience, you going to always assume that the guys must always give in and keep giving in to make a relationship work. Have the gal ever done anything to prove it otherwise?

I do not believe in words but only actions of TS ex, if she is willingly to fight for the relationship she should have done something, why must we guys keep doing so much ?

I can understand from your point of view as a gal, is always something must have gone right in the beginning to start, and something must have gone wrong in the end but it does not solve the problem.

If you are right then TS should end the relationship asap as the whole relationship is a mistake any way.

Btw I do not assume, I was there and felt the pain and recovered from it.

To TS, if you love your ex and can take the fact she may be going out with someone or sleeping with by all means go ahead no one here can stop you.

If you are brave enough to accept reality and move on to a better life then you will find the inner peace that you seek.

Hi Guardx,

I sympathize with your previous plight and I'm glad you've emerged a better person.

I would agree that both parties need to demonstrate commitment to the relationship, and it's not just one party.

I think we have seen countless scenarios here where one party does not want the relationship anymore, and the Threadstarter, be it guy or girl, is always like grasping for air hopelessly.

Your point is that if the girl is going out with another guy, it signifies a loss of commitment, and at that point of time, it's like a total emotional break.

Your ex-gf is a girl who has little qualms about sleeping with other guys, and show little moral responsibility in any relationship, be it with you or with the next guy or guy after next..., and you are better off without her anyway.

Unfortunately there are girls (and guys) like this around... When I was in the army, I called up this girl I like everyday (we have to queue for the coin phone then), and she gave me the impression that she liked me as well, until I realised she had a boyfriend for several months.

But not all girls are like this.. Perhaps TS's girlfriend is only trying out and is still working hard, and I thought every situation is different.

By the way, I was the "other guy" 10 years ago to my girlfriend, and she went out with me whilst still in the relationship with a hopeless guy who didn't even do anything for her birthday and only wanted to do physical stuff. But she gave him plenty of chances, and he didn't take it nor want to change anything. So I "won" her over and gave her a better life which I think she deserves.

But your situation is still a good reference for TS, I believe.

Take care!