there are some gals out there who also get make used of mah..

 

一个愿打..一个愿挨..

 

unfair to pinpoint @ gals only =((

better than mine leh =((

mine is eerie neighbours..

 

they love to rear cats...and they always let their cats out loh!

many of u might say that this isn't such a great problem..BUT..

the cats urinate everywhr along the corridor that creates such an awful stench!!!

not only that..the cats always scratches the pile of newspapers placed outside my house (for garang guni to collect) & leave shreads (bt not much though) of torned newspapers lying around on the floor..

 

the eerie part was when there was once i came home late..aft MN..

and the auntie was hanging her laundry outside..i merely took a peep (out of curiousity mah) inside & got a shock!!

 

the whole living room is full of cats loh!! i ain't exaggerating loh..

is like around 10 cats or more... =.=''' my reaction was like WTH?!

 

heard that my neighbour works as 战童 =.=''' sekali those cats are used as a medium to contain spirits =x (okok lah...my imagination is running wild)..bt thx god..they moved away around 1yr ago =D

silly girl leh!

 

u still rmb my last post? abt my friend going back to that jerk?? haven't u saw those objections made by the others? as in how she shouldn't go back to him..abt how a leopard cannot change its spots..

 

is the same as for ur case..if u know that this guy isn't good to u..y do u still stick to him?..

 

i was taken aback when i saw this : "No hold hands = dun love him."

>> is he a MCP or he's simply childish? =.=''' no offense ah..but i don't think a mature man will have that kind of thinking..love is express through other ways & not by whether a couple is holding hands constantly or not..

 

but..the final decision still lies with u bah..is ur life & u choose ur own path..

will pray for the best for u =)

 

people can only give u advise..the choice still lies with u ultimately..go thru the pros & cons..think abt the possibility of a future with this guy..& how's life going to be if u still cont. with him..& most imptly..does he deserves u? does he appreciate what u have done for him?..

 

no offense again..bt he really sound childish & selfish..taking u for granted..really feel that he doesn't deserve u..

 

haiish..lots of jerks out there..

 

"My fault, cos I dunno how to reject him, reject to help him." >> is just that u r too kind to reject him..don't blame it on yourself..

 

anyway..cheer up k =D

Originally posted by skythewood:

story from a friend of a friend?

MY friend =.='''

 

Anyway, will login back aft work..leaving office soon..will defn login back to see what other hurtful insults that holy crimson priest will "throw"..

 

precisely is becuz of the existence of such ppl...that pro long this whole thread =.='' what i wanted was to find out suggestive ways for my friend..bt instead..got lots of bo liao insults =.='''

wah! didn't login for 1 day only..& so much more insults from that holy crimson priest ah?

 

LOL...

 

Btw, this is a true incident & I don't care if some ppl believe it anot (refer back to previous thread from SOMEONE who mentioned that all these info. are based on what this gal's friend aka me said..so might not be true)

 

AND..don't anyhow insult ppl by accusing her of slping ard (with ur BRAINLESS comment that she might not even know who the father of the child is)

 

Oh ya..thanks to the moderator for voicing out =D Purpose of this thread is to get suggestive opinions with regards to solutions for my friend..BUT..instead..most are HURTFUL, SNIDE remarks from INSENSITIVE ppl who thinks that they are Mr Know-It-All..

 

Anyway, just to update (I saw one of you asking for updates in the previous thread)..final decision still remains the same & that she's going to give the guy a last chance..

 

Hurl more insults if you want..

 

BUT..do remember that : THIS IS HER LIFE

 

Learn to respect ppl's decisions

 

P.S : To that Crimson guy..You mentioned in the previous thread that you detest ppl like me right? Or who encourage friend to "murder" kids blah blah..Well same to you too..I detest ppl like you who thinks that they know it all =D

 

Another tot of the day : Someone did mentioned before that abortion is made legalized for mothers who wants to abort "abnormal" kids i.e Not of a mental sound.

BUT

think of it this way..shouldn't these so-called "abnormal" kids have a life too? And, how come no one condemns these parents for aborting them?

AND..the reason that these parents resort to abortion is because they know that they CAN'T take care of the kids!

Same case goes for my friend..

 

*Thanks to all those invaluable advise from some of you =D Useful information!

 

 

Originally posted by HelloKittyFan:

From all my posts here, I just stressed that Willpower, Determination and Strength will affects the decision a gal will make.

For TS's fren, as she had said, she chose Plan A, as that's the 'best alternative' she felt that she had, given the Willpower, Strength and Determination.

The examples and cases I have given just signifies some cases where gals chose to abort, while others chose to keep - general info, for a gal to think through the many possbilities and alternatives avaliable after making the first step.

FYI - 'Dumping' kids to nannies/Day care centres is an alternative not only single parents take, but it also extends to 'Proper Families'.

In short, Plan A was chosen cos the gal felt she wasn't able to go thru the mental and financial factors of raising a child on her own. But as I have mentioned, the emotional part should play a larger portion than the finance part.

Thot of the day - Out of curiosity, how many of us have actually seen/hear tongues wagged at single mums? Do single mums actually hear ppl gossiping, or do they actually felt that they are being gossiped at? Hear not = felt.

Precisely cuz none of you all know her in real life..

And, do not know her family background..

Just the gossips alone from her relatives can be over-whelming..

 

"Do single mums actually hear ppl gossiping, or do they actually felt that they are being gossiped at? Hear not = felt."

>> YouDontKnowMe did mention in one of her posts that she have to go through the gossip period..That's 1 real life example..(Do correct me if I rmb wrongly)

 

And another Tot of the Day >> Can anyone be 100% affirmed that there are no gossips on single mums at all?

 

Tongue waggers are all around. Anyone here can talk freely as this situation does not happen to them. Just like some of the forumers here..can call her "cheap" etc..

 

Or have no one ever saw any forum threads on Maia Lee before? Or did no one else saw the newspaper reports before? People commenting on her tattoos..her status as single mums.. 

 

Originally posted by HelloKittyFan:

Jus wanna highlight a few things.

Apologies; couldn't help pointing out some things.

There is a 'foundation' for single mums - not exactly a financial assistance kinda thing, but more towards emotional support. It was formed by a single mum herself. Being a single mum, finance is a factor, but not as big as compared to emotional support.

It's true that Maia Lee got bombarded when news were released that she is a single mum and that she was pregnant again.

But as I have mentioned before, the day one decided to be a single mum, one has to kinda be 'immune' to verbal abuse. It's a tough route, but one has to have the determination to go thru it.

From what I know, Maia Lee wasn't much affected by the 'verbal abuse'. Even if she was, she did manage to get over it.

My guess - abortion was introduced initially not as an option for gals to use when they are pregnant and didn't want to give birth, it may be more towards cases where the baby has been diagnosed with health problems or in cases where the gal's health is not good enough to carry the baby to full term. In a way, SG does discourage abortion, else there won't be a neceeesity to undergo counselling and a video screening session.

Single mum - one who is divorced but with a kid is viewed differently from one who has never married but has a kid.

The latter is being judged far more worse than the former.

It can't be a definite answer that SG cannot accept single mums - in fact, according to statistics, there is a rise in single mums nowadays - but be it divorcees or real single mums, I can't ascertain - apologies.

When this thread was started, there are bound to be ppl who support and ppl who don't and some who will react very strongly.

Different individual views things differently, whatever their point is, end of the day, to put it bluntly, it will be TS's fren to face the harsh facts of to abort or not to. She has to face the consequences herself.

But, although finance is a factor, it's not a major one, the major issues are stated in my previous post.

I have seen kids in poor family conditions, but they are very sensible. They appreciate all that the mum did.

It all bowls down to how the child is being brought up.

There's no right or wrong here; it's more of a decision of one's own.

We make decisions in everyday of our life, minor ones, major ones. But whatever the decision may be, stick by it and no regrets.

In a way, if a gal wants to get married, wants a life of her own, doesn't want to make sacrifices, not able to face 'verbal abuse', tongues wagging, finger pointing - it's a high chance abortion is chosen.

It's not always true that children born in proper families will turn out better; in my line of work, I have seen abuse by fathers to the extend that the kids contained a deep hatred towards their own fathers. To them, the fathers don't exist.

I have seen too, how children from single parent families are sensible, independent etc.

Most posts are, somehow all general comments, perception etc; no right or wrong.

End of the day, TS's fren has to ask herself, which path can she be more able to adapt and accept? Which path is she more able to face herself more truely?

"End of the day, TS's fren has to ask herself, which path can she be more able to adapt and accept? Which path is she more able to face herself more truely?" >> she has already chosen her path..which is Plan A..

 

She is the one who has got to bear responsbility irregardless of whatever decision that she made..So instead of passing snide remarks to her decision..why not just respect her decision?..(I am referring to "holypriest" & another person")

 

Cuz she is the one who knows for sure if she have the time to bring up the kid (what's the use of dumping the kid to a nanny after you give birth to him/her while you work)..if she have the financial ability to pay for the child's basic neccessities? Education? And, the amount of $$ to be spent doesn't just stop here...

 

For Maia's case..yah..she can take the remarks..but my friend knows that she can't..what if she suffers from depression becuz of this? How is she going to even take care of the kids?

 

Abortion is also an alternative for women should they know that they don't have the means to bring up a kid in the 1st place. Why bring the kid to this world to suffer?

 

Think of it this way : The girl gives birth to the kid..Suffers from depression..Commits suicide..What's gonna happen to the kid?

 

OR

 

The girl gives birth to the kid..Suffers from depression..She's not in the right mental mind to take care of herself..Moreover for the kid?

"there is a rise in single mums nowadays" >> I agree with this. But, the main issue still boils down to : There's still prejudice to single mums till this date

 

"It all bowls down to how the child is being brought up." >> Provided the mum has to have time to guide the child. For this case, she can only leave the child with the nanny (another finance prob also) or leave it in childcare? (yet another financial issue)

 

It still comes back to the initial point : She knows that she don't have the means to take good care of the kid..Be it financially or mentally..So..She opt for Plan A..Which is deemed as the best alternative (For herself)

 

Another impt factor to look into will be her kid's emotional feelings.. how will him/her feels when they are older?

 

Child : "Am I detestable? Why did Daddy abandon me since young?"

 

Some of you might said that my friend deserves all the tongue wagging..but what abt the child? Have anyone stop to think of the gossips that the child have to suffer when he/she grows up? Think of the emotional turmoil that they have to go through?

 

Anyway, like what some of you commented..she should take responsbility for what she did. She is doing that now..So respect her own decision & stop passing lame remarks..Esp "HOLY PRIEST" who commented that she is cheap or whatever..What makes you think that you are really that saint?

 

And also to gigabyte (YES..i am pointing out the names directly now)

 

Precisely is tongue waggers like you who made these women fear..Gossipers who pass random remarks..Who think that they are Know-It-All..

 

Emphatize with people..And, NO ONE is a saint..Unless you truly NEVER EVER made a single mistake in life..ALL human err..it just boils down to how great the sin is..

Originally posted by deathmaster:

consider yourself to be in the shoes of the child. would you want to grow up in a broken family, plagued by poverty, not being able to live the life of an otherwise normal child?

there are cases where the children themselves blamed their parents for bringing them into the world and yet unable to provide for them.

yes, simply living is a blessing, but do you want to live a life of agony? 长痛不如短痛.

yes, these children may grow up to contribute to the society in some ways, but their potential to contribute is hindered by their backgrounds. if the mother is from a well to do family and can afford to keep the child, so be it. but what about those single mothers who cannot afford  to keep the child? they would barely eke out a subsistence if the mother decides to go ahead and bring the child into the world, to suffer along with her.

in the developing countries, like india and china, most of these sort of children will fall into position of abuse, due to their fanancial backgrounds. girls are exploited in the sex trade while young boys are made to work long hours in sweatshops which involve child labour. e.g. the carpet weaving industry in Turkey, India etc.

while that sort of extreme scenario may not happen in singapore, it is highly likely that children with single mothers grow up under negative peer influence. Drugs abuse and gangsterism are serious youth issues in singapore. As the mother is the only one supporting the family, the child may be left unsupervised most of the time. thats where you start to see youth loiter around in void decks, arcades, at hdb stairwells sniffing glue etc.

isn't it better to spare all these from a child? if anyone really want a child, they should at least set up a family, provide a decent background for the child. provide the best opportunities they could for their child.

if the single mum goes for abortion, she stands to have a higher chance to remarry and have a child with a normal family with both father and mother intact. that, i think is THE way to bring up a child.

*thumbs up*

 

give birth to the child only if you can afford to provide a good life for them (not to the extent of extreme luxury)

 

don't make him suffer if you don't have the confidence to bring him/her up well..

 

haven't that "holypriest" noticed that most of the problematic kids are from single parent family or they are being deprived of care & concern from the family?

 

don't bring the kid to this world (just because abortion = murder theory) & leave the kid alone to fend for him/herself cuz the single mum don't have the time to care for him...

 

 

Originally posted by honeymouse:

Whether we are for or against abortion, agree or diagree with TS' friend's action, may I please remind everyone of you to be sensitive with your comments towards her.

At the end of the day, we are not the one facing the tricky situation and we are not in the position to judge and to condemn.  Please be empathetic and try putting yourself in the person's shoes.

 To TS' friend,

Things happened and to err is human.  Just learn to accept the mistake, deal with it and learn from it.  I wish you well and please take care!

yah..that's the only thing that she can do.."learn to accept the mistake, deal with it and learn from it."

 

But just that..some ppl are very insensitive with their remarks & never spare a thought about how she will feel when she read this thread..

 

Well..can only conclude that some ppl don't understand the word : empathetic..

Originally posted by soleachip:

At least there are sensible opinions from kaurexO and hellokittyfan. 

For the those who insist abortion = murder need to stand by their case, highlight the issue to relevant authorities and have abortion banned in Singapore as soon as possible.

Going by their ridiculous claims, TS's friend is just one of the many who should be tried for murder in court. Manslaughter is very serious and must be taken to task, these 'killers' should be hanged, if not at least tried in court, no?

God speed please, I'll be reading the papers.

 

LOL!

Eh..i just thought of something..

If those who opt for abortion are perceived as MURDERERS & should die..

What abt the doctors who performed the operation??

What abt our Govt who made abortion legal?

What should they be classified as? Murderers also??

 

Originally posted by crimsontactics:

Thats because those who went through abortions kept mum about their history. Cowards will always be cowards. What can you expect more from them?

I think its is a prouder thing to proclaim that you are a single mom than you had an abortion.

"I think its is a prouder thing to proclaim that you are a single mom than you had an abortion"

 

Are you sure?

Ever heard of Maia Lee? Famous single mum in SG..Are you really unaware of what some ppl commented abt her? For being a single mum? And, how she got herself pregnant again?

 

It doesn't matter if you bring the kid to the world anot cuz SG can't accept single mums

 

As I mentioned this ALOT of times before..This is my friend's problem & is HER decision.

 

If you want to be your holy priest..just go..EH wait..since you are such a holy person..perhaps..you can start up some kind of foundation to provide for single mum =) In that way, you can earn all the RESPECT that you want =)

Originally posted by soleachip:

I think someone should really get off his high horse and stop exaggerating the concept of abortion = murder. Life does not begin at conception.

LOL..that SOMEONE don't know how to respect other ppls' decision either..Only rant & rave around here..Perhaps he is someone who leads a comfy life all these while & hence did not consider abt the financial problems that my friend might face if she brings the child to this world..

 

 

Originally posted by crimsontactics:

~crimsontactics has said that she deserved to be teased. I want to know, if someone really deserved to be teased just because all she's trying to do is to attempt hard to find a love she can rely on albeit in misguided way (no one in her family taught her how, but instead berate her for all her mistakes big and small and ignore her when she needs their presence), got misled by a guy who thinks more for himself than her welfare (even though he will be telling her he loves her etc things that she NEEDS so badly because her family has not been able to provide for her this emotional safety), because all along she has not been cherished, loved and looked after?~

First of all, I want to highlight that the social stigma which is connected to pre-marriage pregnancy had been in our society for generations. I'm sure that the couples, especially the lady, should be fully aware and prepared of the outcome of their actions.

Secondly, I'm sure that the lady, being 25, should be mature enough to differentiate between love and sex. You don't give sex to gain love, neither the other way around. Both of these two aspects are of a different calibre. They don't work together before marriage. So from your argument, are you telling me that just because she is foolish enough to give her body to her bf in exchange for attention, she is totally innocent? Shouldn't she be at fault too for the lack of sexual discipline? Isn't piaking before marriage considered cheap? And where are the protections? Ask these questions to yourself 1st. Misjudging is your own fault, so does being foolishly lured into doing something.

Thirdly, she even got the guts to consider abortion. What do you think she is? God? Having fun at the sake of another's life? This is Sg my friend. The government have been actively promoting married couples to have babies. I don't believe that she will not be able to bring up her child in this country, though it would be a tough struggle. Purposing abortion as a solution is hanging a "TEASE ME" sign around her neck. So shouldn't she be teased?

There is no free lunches in this world, everything have a price. Want to play, better pay.

 

 

 

Uncle..This is HER life..not yours..

Like what you mentioned.."This is Sg my friend" >> SG also promotes "RESPECT for ppls' decision"

 

Originally posted by YouDonKnowMe:

Hello there xiiaostarry,

if possible, get your friend to read this too, or at least within friends among yourselves, understand. There are a lot more blue hyperlinks within the article and on the left hand side bar for you to click and explore:

 

http://groups.msn.com/PSYCHOPATH/psychopathsarousecaringinstinct.msnw

ok =D

just login back this morning & read one of the comment that u left "crimsontactics has said that she deserved to be teased. I want to know, if someone really deserved to be teased" >> so true..

 

that's why i mentioned in the previous posts that he is haughty & thinks that he is Mr Know It All.

 

Save those sarcastic & snide remarks to yourself if you haven't gone through it. Be sympathetic.

 

U mentioned that you are a single mum..How did you react to those gossips? Ignore? It confirm must be very tough bah..Imagine everyone bad mouthing abt you behind ur back...

Originally posted by rainee:

No la, he is asking for her to give birth and give up the child to another couple.

I think it is always easy to be on the higher-than-thou position when we are not in our situation ourselves.

yah..but the way he talk is so haughty..

machiam ppl loves to go for abortion

abortion is the last alternative..he makes as though he is so superior..a saint..

 

agree with this >> I think it is always easy to be on the higher-than-thou position when we are not in our situation ourselves.

 

anyway..is up to her to make the decision..

Originally posted by crimsontactics:

Thats is stupid of her. And she is a coward.

Her parents should know of this asap so as to provide financial support. Its not like they are going to kill her like that right? Her parents need the time to plan thei finance for the extra mouth to feed. Somemore also ask her dad contact that bastard's dad, such a matter should be the responsibility of both family, not one.

I don't want to say this but running away solves nothing, and only LOSERS do that.

yah..tell that to all those LOSERS who went for abortion =)

 

and who do you think you are to comment that she is stupid?

 

and..bear this in mind : this is HER decision..her own problem..is none of yours..who are you to interfere in her decision & shoot your mouth off?

Originally posted by Rednano:

parents, when they r still around, r ur guardian angels. they protect and advise u. in this case, should the parents knew, they will protect their daughter and find the parents of the boy to open table talk.

bt still..the decision still lies with her..

as in whether she wants to tell her parents abt this issue..

 

Originally posted by rainee:

He just scared the parents know le then will come after him with a butcher's knife. I know my parents would.

that's what we believe also..

he don't have the guts to confess what he did..

 

Originally posted by crimsontactics:

I didn't say she won't feel guilty, I said that her emotional scars are peanuts compared to the guilt.

Seriously, abortion should not be even considered as an option. Harm the mom and the child plus high cost, only retards will do such ops.

And they play play wants the child to pay? Is such logic acceptable?

don't you think that she won't feel hurt? for giving up her child? is not that she wants to do so..is she has got no alternative!

 

Which woman will want to harm their own body by going thru an abortion?

 

And by your comment "only retards will do such ops."..Do you seriously think that they wanted it?

 

Come on~ Be realistic! How is she going to support the kid alone financially?

 

Since you sound as though you care so much about the kid..Did you ever stop to think of how the kid will feel when he/she get teased in future for having being born into a single parent family? With no dad?

 

MIND UR WRDS BEFORE YOU SHOOT OFF YOUR MOUTH!

Originally posted by Rednano:

i believe ur friend should also inform her own parents abt this... she is still their daughter for godness sake.... if u the parent, then ur daughter keep quiet abt this from u... how u feel

she don't dare to..

her parents are those strict & conservative type..

 

don't make comments abt her being a coward or what hor..anyway..she's already 25 & have the right to make her own decisions..

 

moreover..what's the use of upsetting her parents when she already plans to go ahead with Plan A

 

I understand about what you said abt how her parents will feel if they are kept in the dark..BUT..what will her parents think & feel if they know that the son who made their daughter pregnant chose to run away?

 

I think..is better to spare them from the agony..

Originally posted by rainee:

You think she won't feel guilty for giving up the child to stranger? She will feel just as guilty, if not more. Some never get over it and try to find back the child, but to no avail.

Yea too late for regrets, better ask to decide fast, and watever her decision is, don't be swayed anymore otherwise won't even have the option to abort anymore.

i agree with this "Some never get over it and try to find back the child, but to no avail."

 

read on chinese newspapers before also..parents sought the help of print media to search for their kid whom they abandon at childbirth cuz they can't afford to raise the kid etc.

 

And..vice versa..kids who are looking for their biogical parents..

 

moreover..some foster parents might not allow the kids to look for their biogical parents also..

Originally posted by rainee:

Dunno la...dun even know if her parents are aware of her being pregnant.

And once you have gone through full term pregnancy, you will feel a lot of attachment towards the child, and once you bring him/her to the world, you might find it hard to just give him up to strangers...

my friend's parents are not aware of this

 

the guy told my friend that don't bother telling his parents..cuz his mum will surely opt. for Plan A..which I think is bullshit..how will he know if he didn't consult his parents..And..I don't think his mum will be that cruel nor..

Originally posted by crimsontactics:

Or she can watch it now

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THS2zZ4m260

wah! is that the real video?!?

as in..the one that they show in hosp??

Originally posted by crimsontactics:

What about giving birth to the baby and allowing others to adopt? I think that is the cheapest alternative + the baby gets to live + no problems for parents + can still see their baby secretly

gossips..unless she can have a really strong willpower..otherwise..how is she going to withstand those snide remarks?

 

10mth bond with the kid..might make it even more difficult for her to part with the kid..

 

if u put ur kid up for abortion..u r not suppose to see the kid forever

Originally posted by rainee:

"here are 2 main types of abortion procedure, depending on the gestation of the pregnancy

1. For early pregnancies 3 months (12 weeks) and below, the procedure is called vacuum aspiration. This usually involves being put to sleep for about 10 minutes, during which time a small tube is placed into the womb via the vagina. An attached vacuum will then remove all the pregnancy contents of the womb.
2. For pregnancies 3 to 6 months (13 to 24 weeks) , the procedure is known as Mid Trimester Pregnancy Termination (MTPT) which is a more complicated affair. Hospitalisation is usually required for a day or two, during which medicine is inserted into the vagina to induce natural expulsion of the pregnancy. After the foetus and placenta are aborted, the process of evacuation of the womb follows. This is basically the same procedure as used in vacuum aspiration; it ensures that the womb contents have been thoroughly evacuated.

The second method takes a little longer and is messier, so it is far preferable that an early decision for abortion be made, before 3 months if possible."

So better get her to go for it soon, still need to go for counselling de before the process can be completed...will delay more and more...

Abortion is never 100% safe..there will be some risks involved no matter how early it is conducted cos you are messing with her body...

hers is 1st procedure..cuz 2mth+ mah..

bt WAH..10min only?!

no wonder she heard that is only a day surgery..can go off immediately..

 

bt is the emotional scar that can NEVER ever be healed..

thanks for the info. =D is really a great help!