Originally posted by sorrow05:

My friend's story - Refer to 

 

"I have a story that i wish to share. I am currently working at one mobile phones company starting with M, production line located at AMK as a technician. This is the 2nd full time job since i graduated from polytechnic. I started working at M since January and i had known a 25 year old guy call, Chan ZhongLun later part of February. We started the friendship when he passed me a note with his MSN address on.

Despite his appearance of having both of his arms full of tattoos, which i had a bad impression initially (before i got to know him), i am touched by his sincerity.

We began to talk in MSN and as well as phone and I am glad that this guy is honest enough to tell me that he is married. HOWEVER, he claims that his wife had filed a separation deed with him during early February and he had totally no feelings for his wife anymore. I naively believed his words. He even sent me an email draft copy of his deed of separation to me!

We started off with this amusing relationship while we accompanied me walked from Kallang-East Coast- Katong and back to Hougang during our first date as I was feeling down over my past relationship that had keep me hanging for almost a year. I am really touched. Someone like him, someone, who is willing to accompany me throughout the night just walking around and listen to my stories. As time goes, I realized that I had fallen in love deeply with this guy. My sub conscious keeps telling me that it’s wrong but feelings had taken full control of my heart and mind. One day, he initiated to bring me back his place at Bendemeer and I agreed. That night, we did nothing. All we did was just sitting next to each other on his bed catching up. At that time, I am still not assured of my feelings towards him and I initiated a 30 days trial to see if we suit each other. During these days, he brings me out for lunch at the market near his place, to his friend’s pub, Le Bar and meeting up with his friend Jarrod for drinking at United Square, I-rumours and Lunar.

After nights of drinking, we ended up having sex one day at his place and I realized I had fallen in love with him and our relationship starts. Since then, he started borrowing money in small amounts from me. He claims that he had been in debt with a lot of people and he urgently needs money. Furthermore, he started to avoid me, avoid my calls and smses. The only time we meet up is during work. He will always psycho me that he will meet me up the next day during our off days. However, it’s always on the day of his so-call meet up, he will always text me that he is not free and unable to meet me up.  This is always the same old reason that he gives me. He even borrowed money from me for a hotel stay with me when his house is fully occupied with his relatives!! I felt so devastated. I don’t wanna feel nor be cheated therefore, I tried to get him out to speak but ended up, he pushes all the problems up to me and he state that we are not in a relationship! He will wanna reconsider about our relationship! My heart shattered. I felt like a sharp knife slashing through my heart. I felt so cheated that I cried in front of him. He reassured me that he loves me etc and he will want to see improvements in our relationship BUT this is only what he says to get rid of me!:confused: He drifted away more from me and I just keep my feelings hanging. Whenever he needs money, even if it’s in small amounts, I’ll still lend him, naïvely thinking that he will gimme a confirmation soon. I did tried to seek the money that he had owed me for 2 months all the time but he keep claiming that he didn’t have the money even on his pay date!

UNTIL 2 days ago….

I misplaced my phone in the locker and I thought someone had taken my hp while I’m chatting with my other colleague. Just nice, he walked past me and was chatting on the phone and I asked to borrow his phone and dialed my no. Guess what?! My number is displayed as a nameless no and the person he last dialed is his ‘SWEETHEART’! I questioned him about that and what he tell me it’s his parents that he had named sweetheart! CMON! Who will ever believe this part of story?! I am so angry. He even deleted me from his MSN list, contacts and cut total contacts with me. He had another new gf that is why he is being so cold towards me!

He took me as a fool, a toy to be used up and throw again. Worst of all, I’m his ATM. I felt like a fool! When I try to get back my money later on, he threatened me. He threaten that he will not pay and he will find trouble to me if I keep asking the money back! He even said that there’s no black and white and what can I do to him? I am so stupid. I am so silly. I shouldn’t had believed and fallen in love with someone who is cheating me all along. He’s just after my money and my body. He keeps lying to me to make me believe in his words. In barely 2 mths, he had owed me 400 plus and I’m glad that I never did borrowed him another 500 which he claims he is in need of. Why must he borrow money from me to return others and yet can’t borrow money from others to return me? He have the money to have own a gf he should be able to return this small amount to me as he earn ard 1.9k/ mth! Even so, he can pay me back bit by bit BUT he keeps saying he don’t have the money!!! He’s so out to cheat on me! Now, he even wants me to PAY HIM back the money he had spend on me during courtship. IT’S ONLY SPEND ON FOOD NOT GIFTS THAT I HAD ASKED HIM TO BUY! He never given gave me anything! OMG! I didn’t even borrowed money from him so that he can date me out for dinner, those he owe me are what he said borrowed and will returned me when he got his pay! Again and again, it keeps dragging. He is out to CHEAT!
 
I am so traumatized. I know I can never get my money back. I had seen through this person. I just wanna let you girls out there beware and be careful of such person out there. I am already a victim. I hope others will be cleverer than me."

 

Latest update - she has herpes from her ex-bf.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stop spamming and posting of others' picture.

OK enuff.

Period

Originally posted by clyde1985:

hi everyone,  need some advice, story is a bit long sorry about that.

got to know this girl in the same uni class, dint really know her at first but somehow got to know each other better a month ago. contacted her abt my other friend whom i tot he was in trouble, n somehow we got closer and talked to each other on the phone almost every night. went out a few times in a large group and went out alone with her twice. at the start, i just wanted to know her more out of curiosity, but somehow we jus have endless topics to chat about and she confided in me about her problems. it was during exams period and we studied together everyday, i would make it a point to send her home everytime we go out.

i tot of her as a platonic friend, but dint knew i fell for her. there was this once i sent her home when she told me not to treat her so gd if nt she will fall for me, i brushed aside that statement carelessly, n dint tot much of that.

i told her i liked her, and she said she liked me too. everything happened kind of fast. the problem is she has a boyfriend of 3 years and does not want to be unfaithful towards him. he is in national service. i know i might be just a temporary refuge as an emotional support or something better than a normal friend but i jus kept falling deeper. she made statements like curbing her feelings towards me and tellling herself to stop liking me, to which i refuted with anger and din accept those stuff. she would love to play mind games with me and make me guess wad she was thinking, and would make hurtful statements sometimes.

i made her cried , when i had enough n told her i would stop smsing her n bothering her, cause i know in the end she will not leave her bf. i dont know why she can say these stuff and i cant.

our sms towards each other gradually lessened and now that exams are over, we dont see each other everyday anymore.  2 days ago i stopped smsing her totally and she asked me why dint receive my msg for so long, to which i replied that she doesnt reply me when she is with boyfriend and sms her also no use. we talked briefly yesterday on the phone and was going out today when she cancelled it and i jus hecked it. i would pacify her everytime whenever she got angry, and i tot i jus dont want to do that anymore. our sms jus became colder. i guess

i am very confused n sad, i asked friends for advice and they told me if it aint got any ending and i got to stop hurting myself. i know about that but somehow not willing to, cause i tot if 2 people liked each other, i dont know why we cant be together. i tell myself everyday to be her a good friend, and jus let it go but still miss her a great deal. we only know each other for not long, n i dont know why i liked her so much.

in any case i am 23 this year, to my friends i am a lively yet rational person that dishes out advice to them whenever they need it. i cant comprehend why i am not rational anymore.

please tell me what i should do, any advice will really be appreciated a great deal

thank you for reading and your time, hopefully will get a response from any of you which can help me. =)

 

 

 

Actually this is quite a classic situation because it's when the unconscious aspect of love is brought forth consciously through various catalysis and situational factors, it often creates a demand so robust that it strikes you like a growing hunger and subconsciously relates an unfathomed behavior you too failed to understand.

It's quite simple here: in the beginning, you tell yourself that you are merely viewing her as a platonic friend, but your behavior increasingly worked to promote deeper emotional connection. And all these behaviors are concealed in name of platonic friendship. You claimed a trait of being a rational person - it kinda affirmed my belief that this 'rationalization, logical, systematic and organized persona' in face of love acts pretty much as a facade in your earlier denial to foster a path towards creating probable relationship with this lady, with or without the consideration her existing boyfriend.

Freud classified it as a form of defensive mechanism. So does Noel Tyl, I believe.

Still considered platonic? Nah. That facade has shattered a million pieces when she revealed a possibility that she might just fall for you. This brought the unconscious desire into light and consciously, your dormant affection begin to multiply like some kind of emotional cancerous cells because there seemed to be reciprocation and it suggested a reduced possibility in being rejected and thus lessen the fear to advance.

There are times when people tell me how 'platonic' it all began and when I read into their personality and attitude, I realized that the concept of platonic friendship can hardly existing into their psychological framework (esp some of the self proclaimed 'nice guys'). It's just doesn't sound convincing because it just doesn't seem to fit and when they relate this as part of the tale, very often, yunhaier dismissed it as mere facade for love to advance undercover. 

CloUdiSm states two kind of platonic friendship:

Pseudo-Platonic: natural selection would consider the 'friend' a possibility of a mate. It's often a KIV relationship, potential but not manifesting until an eventful trigger.

True Platonic: BGR will never manifest between the two.

I will quote what you have posted:

[Originally quoted by Clyde1985]: 'Cause I know in the end, she will not leave her bf.'

There... you have your answer on the above classification I have stated.  

And next, you have your woman.

She is probably in need of companionship while her boyfriend is away. She is keenly aware of her situation, but has decided that she will not leave her boyfriend during this period. This is critical, because what happens is that it is suggestive of the fact that she would remain faithful unless there are compelling reason for her to deter away.

If a man preoccupied her time and took on 'roles' that her boyfriend would normally do, this substitution is perfect. Because this man fits the exact criteria of what you would deemed as a perfect shelter for the moment. You might create a pull factor, but if there isn't a push factor from within, chances are, your attempt will fail. Yes, there are alternatives to rework this situation, but unless you are really well-versed in AOS or stuff, I reckon don't bother employing more resources to take on something beyond what you can manage.

If you feel ambivalent about mind games and you can't handle such tricks, just quit - you probably regulate your loss more effectively this way. If you find it difficult to face subtle rejection, then it might be somewhat beneficial for you and her to remain separated for a period. It doesn't mean two people who like each other would end up being together as the ultimate acceptance of a relationship is a complex model and isn't as linear as you originally proposed.

P.S: In love, being rational served little purpose - it's all about intrapersonal skills and experience.

Cheers

Originally posted by chuinn:

Hi i'm 18 this year and have had bulimia for 1.5yrs. i am of healthy weight and am a consistent runner. it's just this problem of bulimia, i will eat and puke them out, thinking i have overeaten the designated amount that i should have. my parents knew about it and we tried to work things out n it got abit better. but only for a while. it came back again worse, but this time my parents didnt know; they thought i am normal already. i dont want to let them know for fear of further disappointing them but i cnt stop doing it; it's like a habit tjhat cannot be broken! i feel ashmed and miserable at times ): i ve been thinking of seeing psychiatrist but i know it ivolves alot of money and me being a student, cannot afford it. i really dont want to inform or let my parents know about this ): i am lost and worried, i know it's affecting me and esp since im taking A levels this year. is there any affordable means that i, as a student, can take? ):

 If you cannot handle it yourself, you ought to seek help because the nature of Bulimia is psychological and unlike Anorexia, it's difficult to detect people suffering from Bulimia as they falls under the healthy weight range.

 

90% of people suffering from Bulimia are women and it's not because of their desire to be to thin - rather it's the fear to be overweight.

 

You might want to speak to your teacher, school counselor or someone you trust for a start - someone in your social circle needs to know that you are suffering from this plight. These are the people who can provide you emotional and psychological support around you 24/7; the internet does not.

 

You need to address this fear, because most of the time, it's unfounded. Do not feel ashamed seeking help when you are unable resolve it yourself. There are times in life we need some form of assistance to put our life in order again.

 

Please take care.

 

Cheers   

 

TS, I will have this topic lock. PM me if you got violent objection.

Cheers

Originally posted by bleuwhale:

Neofifi. 

I will confidently tell you that seeking legal advice in this froum is like asking a turkey for a chicken egg- you'd get something.  Just not what you truly need.

I've not come by any competent legal advice in this forum yet.

And as jojobeach says...I'd let her go immediately not wanting to put my family at risk.

If you're willnig to pay for legal advice.. ah..then I thnik we can start some constructive discussions.

 

 

Jio business ar?

Cheers

Originally posted by daigooro:

I'm really sorry if I'm bothering you guys but I've surf SGforums forums for close to 3 years already but I never once posted before. Tonight was the first time that I felt really lost and I had no one to turn to. The person that always guided me along was the very same one that made me lost.

 

I got to know this friend from another one of my friend around 8 months ago. He was helping me with a project; a project involving a module that I wasn't really good in. I didn't really noticed him over time cause he was in a different class from me so we didn't really had much contact.

So by a twist of fate i found myself hanging out with him alot, through dota, through movies and etc as his class and mine were very close. So as time goes by we are really close, more of like younger brother and older brothers.

So recently I notice people talking abt us, saying how close we are and how we might be gay couples. At first it was really fine as we took it for being a joke and such. We didn't really cared abt their comments though, outsiders mah, why let them affect our friendship.

But this fateful night this friend of mine told me that if there would be another rumours of us being gay couples again he would end the friendship. I was very surprised, and I asked him why.

He said he didn't like peer pressure and he once suffered before in the past. So now if there would be peer pressure he would just leave this friendship and everyone else also. He said his pride and ego wouldn't allow him to ignore those comments made by people.

But what he said was really hurting. I thought we were good friends? Why would he let go of our friendship just because of what people say? We even promise each other that we would be the best man for each other during our weddings and yet he is unable to ignore what people say?

I really feel abit paiseh to say this but he's the very first male I shed tears for but I'm not afraid to say that I love him alot. He's a really good friend.

So can anyone advice me on what to do now in this situation of mine? I really don't know what to do and who to turn to already..

Sorry if my english sounds very weird, it's my first time posting a thread here..

 

XOXO,

BigBear.

Social conformity and gender scripting.

The society we live in reward behaviors that appeared to be gender-appropriate and punish, in various aspect, behaviors that does not go in sync with norm are often criticized. Eventually, much as we would like to live according to our own ideals, it's difficult to eliminate the negative response exuding from our environment that tries to shape us to what the majority is like. People love to judge accordingly to what they perceive in their own limited understand and knowledge of what they think you, him or your relationship is.

Do you agree or disagree? Because that answer will determine whether you bother about whatever entity outside yourself believes in.

Apparently, social pressure is something very real. Likely, it isn't just about the relationship; it could be such that (1) you might display unconscious effeminate behavior or (2) your emotional attachment to this guy is beyond what an average guy would normally give to another guy, thus that could possibly give rise to such a conclusion by people around you - that you two are gay couple.

Whether this is true or not, actually it matters little. Because as long as you are clear about your own sexual identity, being heterosexual (unless you have resolved an identity crisis and clarify that you are actually homosexual), that's all that you need to know.

I know this guy, who is quite effeminate in his mannerism and once thought he might not be straight, but hell, he is getting married later this year. 

Sees this as an opportunity to expand your social circle. I mean, it's good that you have a good brother/friend that you can trust and count on, but you are still young and it's essential that you learn to socialize with other people, than to cling merely onto one person for companionship. Have a healthy mix of both girls and guys in your social circle and people with similar interest or ideals.

It's not the end of friendship imho, just a transition that you have to manage.

Cheers

国有国法，家有家规

Much as you hated him, the limit stops at uploading his picture here in this forum.

Although I agrees that he cmi as a guy, but I must still be objective here.

Please do not repost pictures.

Thanks.

Originally posted by Midlusionz:

Ur post forever take mi mins to read >.> but its very true..

So is that a good or a bad thing?

Cheers

Originally posted by smooth12:

hello guys
i need some help here. i cant stop feeling jealous whenever any guy gets close with my girlfriend. I don't know whether i am being over possesive or not. But i do

know one thing. I hate this feeling.
there was this once when i found out that the password for her to log into the computer is her ex-bf handphone number. i dunno how to describe how i feel when i

found out about that. she told me that her father and younger sis use her computer too so last time when she tried to change the pass, her father scolded her for

changing becoz he already memorised that "password". so she kept her ex-bf handphone number as the password. We were already 3 months plus being

together at that time. Is it a valid reason to keep ur ex bf hp number as password for ur laptop? i mean, she take quite sometime to memorise mine but she

already still have her ex-bf number all at her fingertips. I cant bear to imagine that the past few months everytime she turn on her laptop, she will be reminded of

her ex-bf and everytime before we even chat on msn, she will type in the password which will remind her of her ex-bf before me. she said she changed the pass

one week later after the incident. i didnt try myself to see whether she changed it though.
and there was this once she went for a camp. she was a station master with another guy. i was in school at that time and decided to find her. we talked a bit and

told her i wanna see her event but only from afar. well everything was going fine. the camp participants were very enthusiastic. it was when the group left when

things happened. i was sitting down from a higher level and all was clear view. she knew that too. the group of participants left and the other station master (guy)

started to playfully splash water at my gf. my gf than laugh and shout2 throwin back some water sending signals to the guy that it is an acceptable behaviour.

the guy started to playfuly chase my gf with water they both chase each other splashing water happily and laughing. after the pail of water finish. the guy and my

gf took one pail each. stand close to each other, talk2 than walk side by side out of my view to a toilet to refill water.all this happened with my gf knowing me

looking down at her. but she did came back and called me to ask where i am and found me with a dissapointed face. i mean is it me being jealous too easily or i

was right to be jealous? where do i draw the line? sumone help me please.

 

There isn't a thing as the prerogative to be jealous; we merely justify this feeling as a result of some external events that we did not how to resolve or interpret emotionally, hence we classify it as jealousy. There isn't an absolute line to draw, other than independent self regulation to minimize feeling crappy. 

The password thing, imho, is completely nonsense. CloUdiSm classify it as symbolic jealousy, where people are affected because they compose meaning to an act or behavior that by itself has no other implication other than its functional meaning. You unconsciously suspect that there 'must' be something going on within her, since she is using her ex-bf mobile number, but hell, that probably represents none of your speculation.

What happens is that you are likely: 

1) You are an insecure person. 

2) Sees love as a form of possession. (Unconscious perception belongs to a lower plane in love - CloUdiSm).

As for her playing a fool, are you expecting her to wear a stern face and go through the camp as if the world owes her a great deal? Of course she would want to make merry and have fun. Your emotions are a trigger of your defensive mechanism - when you find it difficult to accommodate the new found knowledge internally and resolve it (probably worst if you are a Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius or Taurus).

Everyone generally suffers various degree of jealousy - the only cause for concern lies when jealousy adversely affects the relationship, be it whether it is justified or not. One myth about jealousy is that some people believed that it only manifest through triggering from the external environment - but the truth is that it's almost 100% an inside job. Jealousy is a self demon - the people around you cannot feel the intensity of your emotion, unlike anger or fear, and it is often insidious.

Like some hideous phantasmal forces, it feeds on your gnawing inferiority, gaining strength as your self esteem fades from the lack of holistic understanding in love. If you want to work on 'jealousy', you got to work on your insecurity - by patching the emotional vulnerabilities that allow this 'demonic emotions' to exploit your inner self.

The causes of insecurity are myriad and it isn't easy to pinpoint the exact root; even more arduous to implement changes.

But I will just leave you with a simple thought to ponder:  

You can't stop love from leaving on its own accord, but you have every span of control to prevent yourself from pushing love away. Ironically, most people understood this only when they understood regret. Perhaps enlightenment and regret is but two side of the coin, derived from the same product.

Cheers

 

Dancer? What genre?

Sekali someone I know.

Cheers

Originally posted by BaByBoY:

I don not know how i shall start with,

recently, i broke up w my gf of 3 years,
i`ve to admit that i`ve had the greatest time in my life all these time
regrettbly, i wasnt such a good bf
many times had i taken our love for granted and that it`ll always be there.

i`ve been feeling very terrible and helpless ever since i couldnt see her or hear her.
someone that was once so intimate in our lives were just gone out of a sudden
i couldnt take it,
i knew what happened today was a result of my faults.
had i been more understanding, i would not have been like i was today..
yes, many times had i abused our love. i took the word of break up too easily.
i nv knew it`s real consequences.... til now.

many are the times i`ve tried to win her back to my side,
but many times was i rejected badly,
hurt as i am, i was hurt even more deeply.

ppl had all asked me to move on,
but if i could had moved an inch, i would
the more i try to forget her, the more i`ll love her
and the harder it`ll be to move on...

yesterday, i went to her place to find her
although i could not see her
i finally got the chance to hear a voice so nice and familar
i apologized, but it was too late she says
she told me that she didnt love me anymore,

but havin known her for so long, i know she still does...

all that i could had done, i did
i cried my hearts out...

thou there had been offers to help me
there could be no help
for non compares to her

for this relationshio,
i thought i gave 100% n i thought she gave 101%
but i was wrong, i gave 102%

even if i know she still loves me, she`s still angry w me...
perhaps the words is fear. for fear i`ll not be able to protect her
she wanted to be alone.

there was nothing else i could had done to make her stay.
so i shall set her free...

If loving means leaving, I will...

Good bye to you my dearest darling,
BaByBoY

It has been a while since I saw your nick.

Anyway, you need a period of time to clear yourself. After all, you have already made your conclusion.

/me pat pat.

Cheers

Originally posted by couch^potato:

feeling so demoralised. depressed about my breakup with my 6 yr relationship. dunno why my gf now ex must always leave me at crucial times. last time i accident and while recovering within the first 2 months(still recovering after 2 yrs..coz major accident) she broke up saying that i was boring. now i having my exams next week and she broke up again with me about 2 weeks ago. feel like shit really. cant study at all. no mood. wanna enjoy but also worried about my exams. dunno why but she always seem to be leaving me when i need her the most. i am unable to move on also because my heart feels so heavy. really v depressed and i am already mentally prepared to repeat my yr. :( why is it that she always leaves me when i need her the most? i just cant bring myself to accept her again if ever she comes back :(

 

Before you begin dwelling in some incessant, bottomless pit of melancholy and depression, I think you need to have some deeper understanding of the misery you are into: there is quite a bit of narcissism, mourning why your ex-girlfriend always leave you in a lurch. However, when you reverse that self pity thought, I wondered why in the first place would you accept her again only to grant her access to create a second misery in your life one more time?

In love, we all have that bit of narcissistic self, craving for the certain attention, love and companionship from our other half. It is natural. However, I cannot stress enough on the fact that your individual happiness in any relationship cannot be entirely depended on another person. The mindset of 'I can only be happy in his/her presence' merely suggested that you are not only emotionally instable, but also lacking the innate self love you ought to brandish before you could start expanding this very love to another person and forge meaningful bond we called 'relationship'.

Perhaps you are also blinded by the fact that this is already a 6 years relationship and it feels painful to relinquish an investment you have so carefully nurtured. But technically speaking, it's even less than 6 years - considering the fact that every time you broke off, it starts from point zero and not where you last end off. This is this inflated your perceived misery and forms a 'Greater Lost Syndrome' in love (CloUdiSm).

Your sense of abandonment is reiterated, as you are unyielding to accept any possibilities in breaking-up or moving on. You merely create an avenue for your individual cosmic lesson to replay this excruciating karmic debt of helplessness and abandonment once again. You might clenched your fist and adamantly refuse to accept your outcome, but death in love is deaf and it hears no denial.

Once the lessons are provided spiritually, any attempt to lengthen it often promise prolong wretchedness.

Perhaps it's time for you to preview your situation and decide if it is worth the while to yearn for someone who doesn't really bother about you. In Love, we cannot always use the same yardstick to measure our relationship six years ago and now - for we have evolved emotionally and psychologically, thus our needs, expectation and personality will surely change over the years.

There are times when Love becomes irrelevant gradually - not because it did not exist in the first place, but rather, your spiritual journey with her has come to fruition and there is nothing else this relationship could provide for you.

Find someone who could walk through life with you, and not overly focus your effort on people who are bound to get down after a few bus stops. You can't stop them because that is their destination.

Cheers

Originally posted by rx7Savanna:

I'm so confused over what I should do now.. Me is 19 and my ex is 17.. She is still a first year and I'm into final year of studies. We broke up last week as she said she cannot cope with the stress of her parents that have been reminding her not to get a stead, and her concentration of her school work.. and therefore she decided to let go..

However, I've found out that there are other reasons that she wanted to let go. First she cannot stand my attitude of dealing with problems and the habit of didn't really plan ahead. She prefer someone that will plan ahead of things. However, I've promised my best buddy whom i've known for 6 years and her that I would change and prove them wrong that I can infact change, which i'm trying now..

And one more reason is that she had realised that a guy left a very good impression on her and can take care of her better than me and can plan ahead.. she intents to go steady with him soon and i believe it's somewhere this week..

I tried to show that I've change by showing her care and concern and asking her is there any problems to share but what i'm getting is just cold responses from her.

I intend to ask her how is she going to plan ahead to deal with her parents if she going to get a bf again and how is she going to plan for their responses since she said that her parents had consistently nagged at her that she shouldn't get a bf.

I feel that the reason she gave me on her stressful parents is contradicting on what she's doing now.. like as if finding some excuses to hush me up for the time being..

so what's your advice? continue to prove them wrong or just give up on her?

and I'm sincerely sorry for the wordiness..

There are two parts to this:

I) You are right in saying that her reason for break up is merely a reason to diss you off. And if you haven't realize by now - any reason will suffice actually. After all, words are just words - the content isn't as important as the intention.

In the other side of this context: if a person genuinely wants to remain in a relationship, even for the wrong reason, she will stay. Nothing can make her leave if she is bends on remaining.

You cannot force Love upon another just because you desire it so - much more than the willingness for a person to be with you.

II) If you are determined to change your flaws, it must be a revolution from within and not some feeble method to 'win her back'. The latter is often a short term measure to rebrand your identity, but since the core hardly changes, you will probably revert back once the 'inflated initiative boost' wears off.

People often talk, very superficially, about how they will change in name of Love, but I can tell you most merely end up diverting these negativities into other section of emotions or energy and not learning to resolve them through higher/spiritual understanding.

If your ability to evolve is largely depended on the existence of others and their approval, then you will lead a life where your growth is limited by the kind of people that live in your environment.  

Sometimes in Love, one must learn to release before one can learn to walk forward.

Cheers

Originally posted by Dongybell:

It has been a long time since I hit the forums. I usually do that only when I feel extreme loneliness.

Today, I found out my exbf has found a new girl. It has been almost half a year since we broke up, but I cant seem to get over him. We were together for more than two years. As I type this, tears cant stop flowing down my cheeks. Everyday I am kept busy with school and outing with friends. But everything I do seems to remind me of him. I still yearn for him to come back to me. I always thought there will be a chance, but now, I feel so crushed. So depressed.

I hate this feeling. I am scared. 

Albeit it has been almost half a year, you have not moved an inch.

You merely delay resolving the outcome until a later date.

Now that that second verdict is out (first is when the both of you broke up), it seemed that you have reiterated this crisis a second time, like rewinding the entire episode once again within your psyche.

Then problem doesn't lies with the time that has passively passed you by; rather, it's the inability to accept your situation that is causing you great misery.

You have two choices: to continue with denial tactics or to dissolve this pain through higher understanding.

Until the day you become gain acceptance, only then, recovery can begin its work.

Cheers

Aiyo - all the fumes and smoke.

I understand that some of you people feel very strongly about this issue, but please do not be overwhelmed by your emotions and start blasting it out through your posts. Not that I am agreeable with his mindset, but I hate to lock topics because of flames. I will always prefer self moderation by individual forumer.

Anyway, I reckoned the discussion is going nowhere. TS if you want to close this topic, please drop me a PM.

Cheers

Originally posted by Swstephenmac:

Everybody, put your money where your mouth is, demand resignation from WKS!

http://www.PetitionOnline.com/s16910/petition.html

Send it to your cherished ones and let the message spread. Show PAP we are no longer afraid of them. Let them know their time is by virtue of our grace!

Even if you are LKY, I will still tell you the same thing. 

NO SPAMMING AA! Kaoz

Cheers

 

Originally posted by Dead_Man_Inc:

She had something like a tumour shape growing at her neck area. She went to polyclinic to see the doctor today. Doctor advise her to go to General Hospital on May 15th to check whether that tumour is "good" or "bad". If its "bad" that means its cancer.

Then I told her that I wanna go with her on May 15th. She said if she cry how? I said if cry all the more I should go with her ma. Seems that she's very worried about this thing afterall even though she put out a strong front for us to see =(

/me pat pat.

Cheers

Originally posted by SuPerNovas:

 

It is the turbulent memories of pain, anger and of course the good time that i hate. 

 

 

You felt disturbed by the environment which includes her presence.

But then actually, it is your thoughts that are disturbing you, rather than your environment. You are probably disturbed by the myriad of thoughts, which consists of her imagery and selective emotional events.

Then again, since you can't change your environment, you might want to work on that thought processing.

If you failed to learn acceptance, then you will always be affected; with or without her physical presence.

Cheers   

Originally posted by JasonC:

She was the sister of a friend's friend.
Nearly a year ago, We chanced upon each other by accident and we started keeping in contact via email.

Then there was a slight misunderstanding (she thought i was keen on someone else) and we didn't really talk for six months.

Recently she asked me out for coffee and in the midst of our conversation(s), we cleared up that misunderstanding

Since then we've been in contact almost daily, and we've been going out more frequently (not as frequent as i'd like thou!)

she informs me when she's heading out, lets me know when she's home from a late night out, etc. I'm pleasantly pleased with this;
When i was contemplating a job offer that would require me to travel frequently, for a number of years, one of her first reactions was "does that mean i'll only get to see you in a few years' time?

its been two months since we caught up with each other again, and i'm this time, i'm pretty sure she's the one i want in my life;

A few days back, I tried to sound her out, but I had a feeling that she knew what was coming (either that or i was over sensitive) for that meetup was pretty tense.

Things were still the same after that, so i'm pretty glad for that.

Now I've came to know that there's possibly another guy in the picture.
but she wouldn't say much, other than that's a friend (she does have quite a few male friends)

I know i should come clean with how i feel, but is this a good time, or should i observe more?

One thing i noticed, we tend to think too much for the other party, and sometimes, this leads to a lack of action by both parties. this is bad, i know, and i'm working on it.

Can any kind souls please advise?

Cheers,

 

This is probably similar to a salesman who does his pitching but doesn't know how to close the deal.

Yeah... the price is clear. So is the function, the unique selling point, the need, the desire, the service, the aftersales service, the warranty, the setup, the additional accessory, the colour, the size, the model, the discount, the free premium, the contract period, the number of users.. blar blar blar blar blar.

Sheesh, so how do I get her to close the deal?

Just pass her a pen and sign the acknowledgement. Done.

Albeit you like her customized attention to you, but you still must recall that ultimately, you two are not yet a couple, yet acting, in certain aspects, like one. I reckoned that there is too much of that grey line in which your friendship with her have inevitably transformed into. Informing you when she is going out and coming back is a little too much for just mere friends - but because there is this distinct passiveness in your attitude towards the chase, it's probably just hanging there.

You are probably just maintaining status quo.

I don't understand how competition can change your stand in loving someone. You mean just because someone is probably in the picture and that per se could deter you from advancing?

Observers are only meant for football games - if you have no intend to play the game, then I suggest you could make better use of your time by doing other constructive things - like focusing on your career. Though nobody wants to play a soccer game only to lose, but if you don't start the match, you will never know the outcome.

Be a player, not a punter.

Cheers

/me wriggle fingers and cast a spell.

Originally posted by SuPerNovas:

I hate someone.

When i see there someone, all the painful memories appear infront of me.

How i wish there someone can just disappear from my life forever.

 

You don't hate her.

You merely hated a part of your memory, which is essentially a part of yourself.

You cannot make her disappear, but you can learn to accept this part of yourself until you become indifferent to her presence.

Cheers

Here's a gentle note and I reckoned it is pretty reasonable.

If you want to use my story, writing or anything that I have posted in SGF, please fucking credit (either the source - Sgforum - or the author). You do not pay me a cent, so I think it's perfectly reasonable if you at least credit. I think the worst is when you plagiarize my writing and passing it off as your own - simply gan not cool.

Learn to reproduce your own work if you need to.

Fuck.

 

Let me gently remind all pending posts - please leave 'speaker-corner-fueled-replies' at speaker corner: this chap is asking a genuine question and if you have nothing constructive to say, then even don't bother trying to hyperventilate all your frustration with the government in this topic.

Jamesbondbmw posted in good faith - I hope all of you will at least respect that.

Cheers