Signup
LoginRecent Posts by sans-culotte
-
-
Lesson 1
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is
finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The
wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob
says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that towel." After
thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and
stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob
hands her £800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in
the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to
the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It
was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about
the £800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit
and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in
a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Lesson 2
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed
her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest
nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he
stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,
"Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his
hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up
her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father,
remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized "Sorry
sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the
convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at
the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity.
Lesson 3
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager
are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil
lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie
says, "I'll give each of you just one wish." Me first!
Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the
world." Puff! She's gone. Me next! Me next!" says
the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on
the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply
of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Puff! He's
gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office
after lunch."
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I
also sit like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered:
"Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground
below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox
appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be
able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the
turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why
don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull. They're packed with nutrients." The turkey
pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave
him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the
tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he
reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth
night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of
the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who
shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
BullSh!t might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was
so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a
large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by
and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay
there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how
warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to
sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird d singing
and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat
discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your
friend
(3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!
This ends the 3-minute management course.<!--QuoteEnd-->
-
-
-
A guy is driving around and he sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog For Sale." He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador retriever sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.
"But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
"Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that." <!--IBF.ATTACHMENT_977616--><!-- THE POST -->
-
-
-
Originally posted by cairocks:
How come I got an impression that your ICT lasted months or years. While all post are made on 17th Jun 08, but...
Quote : "Ok let me first introduce myself. I am CPL Lee and currently serving my 1st ICT..."
Quote : " I have ORDed on the Oct 2006. During the beginning of March of 2006, I am somehow ‘being condemned’...."
Quote: " In fact today ICT ippt, one and another bunkmate never bathe after our ippt because we fall out during our 2.4 km...."
The thing happened during March 2006 to Oct 2006 before i Orded which is during my nsf days.17 June 2008 is my 2nd day of my first ICT which we have ippt. In this case, that means after 1.5 years of peace, this ICT brings back all their nonsense.
And they are the ones instead looking down at others. In fact I am not the first victim. There is another platoon mate of mine which they also look down and make fun upon before March 2008. I am the 'replacement' after they get tired making of him. Of course that buddy of mine has deferred for this ICT.
-
-
-
Originally posted by ironpeasant:
They way TS says it may seem that the rest are assholes. Perhaps they are just disgusted by ur hygiene? Imagine at night going back to bunk and ur smell due to not washing spreads around the whole bunk. Your bunkmates may think you are a selfish fellow who can't care less about others. Maybe u can play a part by bathing after ippt/soc? They might treat u better after that. I don't see why is it so difficult to. You will feel better after a bath too.
To further clarify my point, I did bathe after ippt/soc since I know what is going on for the sake of myself and them. But as I said, they are assholes because whether i did bathe or not after that they just did the same thing. Basically the whole thing becomes gesture attacks instead of solving the problem. Like what i have mentioned, if they really so bothered about my hygience, why not speak to me about it? Instead of doing such things. They are making an entertainment right out of it. In fact today ICT ippt, one and another bunkmate never bathe after our ippt because we fall out during our 2.4 km. In other words, we never really pespired a lot. But the morons just focus on me instead. In this sense, they are aimming the person and not the issue.
-
-
-
Ok let me first introduce myself. I am CPL Lee and currently serving my 1st ICT. I believe everyone of you here either serving NS currently or are already NSmen serving your ICT. I assume each and every one of you have your own very good buddies.Now here is my situation, I have ORDed on the Oct 2006. During the beginning of March of 2006, I am somehow ‘being condemned’.
REASONS: Nv bathe after IPPT or SOC. Ok this sounds lame, but someone in the platoon which I don’t know who he is, but I know must be one of that ‘Gang, ‘Kua Da’ the whole thing to make it as if I never bathe for years. Well i think most likely he is the ‘leader’ of the gang, and of course there is bound to be ‘monkeys’ following them. Kind of pranks they made on me:
1) When during fall in, they will try to ‘push’ around their gang buddies to stand either beside me or behind me trying to make me feel embarrassed. Well i have somehow already get used to it so i never really bother about it.
2) Apply the same logic when queuing up to scan 11B and when eating in the cookhouse. Goes for when loading up the tonner.
3)Trying to pin point me when being asked to volunteer to do shits, well for this i treated it as get it done and get over with, so i just do it for the sake for myself.
4)There is one time my PS appointed one of the morons to take over me as platoon IC. But when he made that appointment is not really that clear and not announced to the whole platoon. So he acted as if I am still the IC, so the next day when fall in, i just tell my sergeant that moron has been appointed IC, but the lot of morons still say that i am still the IC. As that day I am also been assigned to do office duty, which is a requirement in my coy to rotate among ourselves even though we are PES B combat. So for that whole day I am inside the coy office doing duty. Then the following week monday when I book in, I saw my cupboard’s lock being changed, because i unable to fit in my key to the lock. So without a shadow of doubt, I know must be the moron who being appointed IC trying to get back at me.
So at that time I am damn pissed off, and I actually have decided to tell my PS. One of my best buddy who actually do not get influenced by the morons help me to talk to one of them to get back the key or they will face the consequences. So they lan lan send one of their ‘reps’ to give me the key for the lock. And he still dare to whisper me that if I ever tell this to PS, i will get it. Anyway I never intend to tell PS since i got back my key but that doesn’t mean I scare to tell him because we were moving to Thailand cresendo for the exercise and I don’t want to play any number disadvantage game.Those above few scenarios or examples have been ‘applied’ throughout the end of ORD. So i thought well maybe things will get back to normal after 1 yr plus only until this month ICT. Well the same group of morons get back together, and doing the same thing from point number 1 to 2. Point 3 i will see on Thursday which will be our outfield (sure to have alot of ‘happenings’
. And the
worst thing is I am still the same platoon and same section with
most of them. Most of them are hypocrites who always talk nice nice
in front of upper rank and talk bad behind them.
Well so now is, should I continue and endure for next 9 ICT?
Even though my mental endurance is good against such things, but I don’t like the way they do it, if they have a fucking problem with me, why not just come to me and speak nicely? And my ICT platoon there are some other who just join us, i am sure that they will try to tell them about my ‘smell’. If my other buddies have no problem with me, I don’t see whats the big deal? In fact the problem is not exactly a problem at all, they lack of entertainment is it? Or because being back at army sucks so bad that they have to use me as an entertainment? Talking behind my back and still let me know even though i cannot hear what they are saying but i can tell through their expressions.My personality is those passive type, that they think they can take advantage? Most of them, i personally find that their personality are quite fucked up anyway, and one of them is my best friend’s eyesore during his secondary school days.
Is going through chain of command helping anyway? Because afterall I don’t think it will change anything in particular. Most likely they will get me with them shake the damn hands, they will act as if they will accept me, but after that of course when all the upper ranks gone, things will get back to normal. Talking and confronting them i think will not make any difference from the outcome (Based on their fucked up attitude)of going through chain of command.
Or anyone of you here has any ‘unofficial’ way to get back on them? I am not talking about revenge or things like that but I just want to pass a message to them that they are just bunch of noobs. Now the problem is no longer whether i did bathe or not, is just that they want to make fun of me.
Sorry, ignore the first and second post due to some coding errors i had made.
-
-
-
Bill gates dies and goes to heaven, where Saint Peter gives him a smart two-bedroom house with a pretty garden and a tennis court. Pleased with his lot, Bill quickly settles into the afterlife.
One day he is out walking when he bumps into a man wearing a fine, tailored suit.
“That’s really nice,” says Bill. “Where did you get it?”
“Actually,” says the man, “I was given 50 of these, plus two mansions, a yacht, a golf course and four Rolls-Royces.”
“Wow, were you a priest or a doctor healing the sick?” asks Bill.
“No, I was the captain of the Titanic.”
Bill storms off to see Saint Peter. “How come the captain of a sunken ship gets all that while I, the inventor of the Windows operating system, get a crummy little house?” he asks.
“We use Windows too,” says Saint Peter. “And the Titanic only crashed once.”
-
-
-
A company decided it was time for a change in management style and appointed a new director, who arrived determined to cause a stir and make the company more productive.
On his first day of work, accompanied by assistants, he carried out an inspection of the facilities. In one of the sections he visited, everybody except a young man was working. He was standing against the entrance wall with his hands in his pockets.
Recognizing this as an opportunity to demonstrate his new work philosophy, the director asked the young man: “How much do you earn a month?”
“one thousand dollars,” answered the young man, not understanding the reason for the question.
The director took five thousand dollars from his pocket and gave it to the young man, saying: “Here is five thousand. Now, get out of here and don’t come back again!”
The young man took the money and left quickly, scarcely believing his luck. The director, puffing out his chest, turned to the group of employees and asked, “What the hell was his job here?”
“He came to deliver a pizza,” one of them said.
-
-
-
A blind man is travelling to Texas. He feels the seats of the train and says to the man next to him he says “These seats sure are big” to which the man replies “Everything is bigger in texas”. He then checks into is hotel and goes to the bar. He feels the beer glass and says to the bartender “The glasses sure are big” to which the bartender says “Everything is bigger in Texas”. The blind man the asks to go to the lavatory.The bartender gave him directions. On the way he takes a wrong turn, slips and falls into the swimming pool. Scared to death he shouts “Dont flush!!!! Dont flush!!!!”....................
-
-
-
You can't really say that, look at Japan now compared to WWII and Indonesia now compared to 1998. Do not forget 1998 there is a major recession and the Indo pigs blame the Chinese for this, thus the rape and all the shit. Look at Indonesia now compared to 1998, it is not getting any better or any difference. Look around us, Indonesia posed alot more threat compared to Japan. If this year there is another major recession, the indos gonna do it again. But Japan are not gonna invade us.
Maybe because the Chinese they raped are not from Singaporeans, thats why some of us felt nothing, but we can't just forget about it. Yes we should move on, but we still must aware that the threat still exists and may happen again. And we cannot just forgive them!
-
-
-
Hi I need some help regarding deferment application online. I came across this page which instructs me to do this while I am doing the questionaire.
Fax a copy of each of following supporting documents with the fax cover page to 63731668 within 2 days.
- Letter from Employer
- Letter of indemnity
- Contract details, if any
What it means by 'fax cover page' and 'letter of idemnity"?
Thank you.
-
-
-
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it
automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.
HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME:
1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both mark their territory.
4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.
7. Neither does any dishes.
8. Both fart shamelessly.
9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
10. Both like dominance games.
11. Both are suspicious of the postman.
12. Neither understands what you see in cats.
HOW DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN:
1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
3. Dogs feel guilty when they've done something wrong.
4. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
5. Dogs are very direct about wanting to go out.
6. Dogs do not play games with you-except fetch (and they never
laugh at how you throw.)
7. You can train a dog.
8. Dogs are easy to buy for.
9. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
10. Dogs understand what "no" means.
11. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
TOP TEN REASONS WHY A DOG IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN:
10. A dog's parents will never visit you.
9. A dog loves you when you leave your clothes on the floor.
8. A dog limits its time in the bathroom to a quick drink.
7. A dog never expects you to telephone.
6. A dog will not get mad at you if you forget its birthday.
5. A dog does not care about the previous dogs in your life.
4. A dog does not get mad at you if you pet another dog
3. A dog never expects flowers on Valentine's Day.
2. The later you are, the happier a dog is to see you.
1. A dog does not shop.
LIFE LESSONS LEARNED FROM A DOG:
1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you'll get what
you want.
2. Don't go out without ID.
3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by
piddling on their shoes.
4. Be aware of when to hold your tongue, and when to use it.
5. Leave room in your schedule for a good nap.
6. Always give people a friendly greeting. A cold nose in the
crotch is most effective.
7. When you do something wrong, always take responsibility (as
soon as you're dragged shamefully out from under the bed).
8. If it's not wet and sloppy, it's not a real kiss.
Dog Commandments
Thou shalt not act half starved whenever thou watches me eat.
Thou shalt not lift thy leg to water the Christmas tree.
Thou shalt not roll in any smelly stuff thy finds in the yard.
Thou shalt not lie down next to me and commence making licking and
popping noises. (I know what thou art doing!)
Thou shalt not dig up my favorite rose bush.
Thou shalt not treat my shoes as if they were thy chew toy.
Thou shalt not drink out of the toilet.
Thou shalt keep thy nose out of the cat's litter box.
Thou shalt not WATCH the cat while she is in her litterbox. (she
likes her privacy)
Thou shalt not pass gas in my presence, and then walk away as if thou
has been offended by me.
Thou shalt not run away from home in pursuit of a good time. (thou
has been neutered)
Thou shalt refrain from coughing and gagging while we have company.
Thou shall not hide thy bones under my pillow.
Thou shalt not sniff the crotch of everyone thy encounters.
Thou shalt not harmonize with the cat at 2a.m.
Thou shalt not sneak up on me and lick me in the mouth while I am
sleeping.
Thou shalt refrain from becoming overly affectionate with my
mother-in-law's leg.
-
-
-
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on
their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to
his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.
"Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery,
spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one.
Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
"Thought he was having his picture taken."
-
