He promised he'll change
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Continuing from my first AA thread here > http://sgforums.com/forums/12/topics/300952
I've heed the advice of my own friends & all that replied to my thread. In January, I did something (on purpose) that made him mad @ me. I predicted that he would get so mad with me, he'll ask for a break up. & He did. Everything went according to plan. (Boy, was he predictable
) So I took that chance & I totally avoided him for a few days, telling everyone that he broke with me.But instead blowing up & threatening me, he cried & apologised to me for how badly he treated me. He really really regretted breaking up with me. He promised me that he will change & he begged me for the chance to woo me back & I couldn't help myself - I said ok because I still love him so much. We contacted each other through sms for the first few weeks. Then calls. Then we finally met up to go out together with a group of friends. Then we started meeting up more frequently.
At first, there was no physical contact between us. Then I let him hold my hand. Then I let him hug me. Then I let him kiss me. Soon, it was like we never broke up @ all. I was very close to patching back with him.
A day ago, someone close to me encouraged me to have a clean break with him. Because he hasn't shown any drastic changes since we broke up. He still has that temper problem. (Even though we weren't together anymore, we would still get into quarrels) My friend told me that I should start Poly afresh & leave him behind. I had to stop contacting him once & for all.
I already msged him, telling him to stop contacting me. After the sms, I ignored his msgs & calls. I'm not taking it very well. I broke down & cry so many times yesterday. I really still love him very much. He told me that he is sincere, that he'll change & stay changed if I go back to him. Should I believe him & go back to him? Very emotionally unstable now
CASE CLOSED
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æš«è�‰è¦�é™¤æ ¹!
If you want to move on, then you have to cut all ties.
Are you certain that this person will change? Are you very sure that he is sincere?
Based on what you have written, I doubt it. IF he really is sincere of having you back, how come he didn't watch his temper? Do you see him making an effort to show you that he is genuine and sincere about you?
Bystanders can say alot to you. But only you know what to do, cause you are the one in the situation. "The truth of the matter is we always know what is the right thing to do. The hardest part is doing it."
I feel that you should look at the bigger picture and in the long run.
Just my 2 cents.
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He used to pon school like nobody's business. Now he attends school every day. He actually started to go straight home after school to study. He stopped hanging around his ah beng friends. He cut down on smoking. He even shaved his head to remind himself of his promise (of changing) to me.
You're right. The hardest part really is doing it. Letting go.
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Originally posted by Yuki~!:
He used to pon school like nobody's business. Now he attends school every day. He actually started to go straight home after school to study. He stopped hanging around his ah beng friends. He cut down on smoking. He even shaved his head to remind himself of his promise (of changing) to me.
You're right. The hardest part really is doing it. Letting go.
This is just a short period of time that you are accessing him. What if you guys get back together, then he returns to his old self?
Take a longer time to access, before you make the decision. It's only good for you to do that.
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Good luck loh..
Inactive these few months so duno the full story.. so better not anyhow anyhow dispense advice.
Yuki u still young la.. dont let this kind of things take over la.. ;)
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Originally posted by Gackt247:
Good luck loh..
Inactive these few months so duno the full story.. so better not anyhow anyhow dispense advice.
Yuki u still young la.. dont let this kind of things take over la.. ;)
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Most guys at this age are emotionally unstable, post-puberty. Hence they might let their tempers flare. They might not show it to outsiders but around the people they are close to, they let loose.
You mention his determination; cutting of hair etc. but how long can that last? Determination without constant reminders is like fire without fuel. Are you going to constantly threaten him with break ups so that he remains determine and steadfast in his love for you?
I suggest you spend more time with your girlfriends and cut him off. Boys will be boys.
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i think that ur still young. choose wisely though.
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Originally posted by Nata|ie:
æš«è�‰è¦�é™¤æ ¹!
If you want to move on, then you have to cut all ties.
Are you certain that this person will change? Are you very sure that he is sincere?
as above. i agree with wat nat says. u can cry, it's perfectly fine for the first few days, but dun leave urself hanging in the balance after that. nt worth torturing urself over him if u think he's nt worth ur time in the first place. -
Catch 22. If he change, then he is not the same person you knew. If he don't change...
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Although we may not know u or him personally, you can ask your friends for their opinions. Not necessary to undertake them, but keep it as a reference.
Don't forget, �观者清 (Bystanders see clearer picture).
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Originally posted by cApitaland:
Most guys at this age are emotionally unstable, post-puberty. Hence they might let their tempers flare. They might not show it to outsiders but around the people they are close to, they let loose.
You mention his determination; cutting of hair etc. but how long can that last? Determination without constant reminders is like fire without fuel. Are you going to constantly threaten him with break ups so that he remains determine and steadfast in his love for you?
I suggest you spend more time with your girlfriends and cut him off. Boys will be boys.
Thanks cappy. I understand. I'm also wondering what it would be like if we were to get back together. But things definately won't be the same. Sigh
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Originally posted by rlsh07:
i think that ur still young. choose wisely though.
Yarrr. So difficult to make a decision -
Originally posted by ^tamago^:
as above. i agree with wat nat says. u can cry, it's perfectly fine for the first few days, but dun leave urself hanging in the balance after that. nt worth torturing urself over him if u think he's nt worth ur time in the first place.
Tammy ah, I love the guy. Howwwwwwwww -
let him be single
since he is improving like this, why not keep it going on
patch together also no use, the past will definitely keep up with u both
so........ move on la, really will waste yourself if you remain in this
poly freshman somemore, go enjoy la
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Originally posted by Yuki~!:
Yarrr. So difficult to make a decision
wat you is what you get though. promises can be broken though. i would suggest that you be friends with him, observe him and decide later lo. if u cannot make a decision, then just be single first. you have nothing to lose anyway. take ur time to choose. you got all the time you want now to decide slowly. so dun rush or do not make a decision that u are unsure of. the choice is in ur hands and whatever you choose, you have to bear the consequences urself. -
Originally posted by gigabyte14:
let him be single
since he is improving like this, why not keep it going on
patch together also no use, the past will definitely keep up with u both
so........ move on la, really will waste yourself if you remain in this
poly freshman somemore, go enjoy la
Gigi~ I'm now hoping Poly will come faster. Drown myself with work. Then I won't keep thinking about him
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Originally posted by Yuki~!:
Gigi~ I'm now hoping Poly will come faster. Drown myself with work. Then I won't keep thinking about himyeah keep urself occupied! hang out more with group of friends! take ur mind off him first.
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Originally posted by rlsh07:
wat you is what you get though. promises can be broken though. i would suggest that you be friends with him, observe him and decide later lo. if u cannot make a decision, then just be single first. you have nothing to lose anyway. take ur time to choose. you got all the time you want now to decide slowly. so dun rush or do not make a decision that u are unsure of. the choice is in ur hands and whatever you choose, you have to bear the consequences urself.
Actually I already made a decision. I already told him to stop contacting me. So...... Now I'm a mess -
Originally posted by Yuki~!:
Actually I already made a decision. I already told him to stop contacting me. So...... Now I'm a messthen stick to it then. know that actions part is always the hardest part. dun give up.
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Originally posted by Nata|ie:
Although we may not know u or him personally, you can ask your friends for their opinions. Not necessary to undertake them, but keep it as a reference.
Don't forget, �观者清 (Bystanders see clearer picture).
Okay, you my fwen, I listen to you :B -
Originally posted by Yuki~!:
Gigi~ I'm now hoping Poly will come faster. Drown myself with work. Then I won't keep thinking about himit's always the same la
as u make new friends, and have fun, he will be forgotten
don't take it as a sad ending, take it as a new beginning
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Originally posted by Yuki~!:
Actually I already made a decision. I already told him to stop contacting me. So...... Now I'm a messThats the way to go! By telling him to stop contacting you, you have burnt your bridges meaning that there is no turning back. Keep at it and you'll be fine later.
You can pick up a sport, go shopping, call up your old friends, etc. Wipe those tears, sit up and make a resolution to keep yourself occupied. Try avoiding being alone; your mind may start wandering back to him. Be strong ya.
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Originally posted by gigabyte14:
it's always the same la
as u make new friends, and have fun, he will be forgotten
don't take it as a sad ending, take it as a new beginning
Alright -
Originally posted by Yuki~!:
Alrightdun sad la. hang out with us more lo.
